just another day in paradise

"drama" should be her first name. last name? queen.

2011-06-24T18:29:00.000-04:00

when i first had bella, i felt like i had entered the part of my life i was made for. infancy came so naturally. i never wavered, never questioned. honestly, i wasn't as tired as i expected to be, though i wasn't running any marathons. it felt so right.

look at that sweet face! that 5 month old was perfect.

then bella turned one.

she has always been active, doing everything early and then running with it to the extreme. but toddler hood presented a whole new ballgame. when bella was around 15 months, i started slipping. i forgot stuff. i was tired all of a sudden, even though she was finally sleeping 11 hours through the night. i couldn't handle everything. i started to break. i just felt overwhelmed and out of my element.

i know baby, i'm crying too.

bella would get herself into trouble, but was too young, seemingly to effectively discipline with timeouts and reasoning (ever try to reason with a one year old? it simply feels ridiculous. like trying to reason with your toilet which, by the way, also is ridiculous.). she would run into the street with reckless abandon. diaper changes became nightmares, especially in public, where she would flail wildly and scream as though i were branding her. putting on clothes? forget it. i may as well have laid a searing hot chain link vest on her skin. and that's not the worst of it. everything was a fight-getting into her car seat, getting out of her car seat, getting into her stroller, getting out of her stroller. when i put her oatmeal in the microwave, she would crumple to the floor, weeping as though her heart was breaking. 90 seconds of pure agonizing hunger that she could not overcome and would surely lead to her death.

to say she was a drama queen is quite an understatement.

at 18 months, i think we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. she listens a little better. i tell her no or to go do something and she actually does it, most of the time with a smile on her face. she brings me diapers and lays on the ground for a change. she picks out her clothes and actually lets me put them on, though now getting them off seems to key her in that it's almost bed time.

i'm not naive enough to believe that the terrible toddler days are over. i know we still have plenty ahead of us. but i hope that they will be fewer and farther between. she is getting better at calmly communicating what she wants, although she forgets a lot and resorts to screaming.

mostly though, i feel like i'm gaining back some control. i never understood how kids could grow up to be such sassy, bossy people. but i'm pretty sure that somewhere around 18 months, their parents probably had a nervous breakdown and never recovered. fortunately, i think my resolve is a little stronger than hers, and i will hopefully come out on the other side victorious.

we shall see...........

18 month brag post

2011-06-22T15:12:00.000-04:00

i'm not really sure where the time went. but last week, bella turned 18 months. it seems like it should be a big age to celebrate for some reason. before she was born, i felt bad that she would have a birthday so close to christmas. i decided she should have half birthdays instead, so she would feel special. yeah. that never happened. i'm pretty sure that was not my best idea ever.

so, here is the obligatory 18 month old stat post. enjoy.

bella and her cousin at the pool

height: 32 1/2 inches (70%)

weight: 25 lbs 1.5 oz (75%)

head: 19 1/4 (95%)

as you can see, she still has a big ol' noggin. it just looks smaller now because she has so much hair, i think.

her hair is still blond and curly. eyes brown. she gets tan like me-quick and dark, even covered in sunscreen. she kind of looks like a little surfer chick when she's been in the sun a lot.

her favorite toys are her little people, her leap pad, her baby doll with accessories and her trains. her favorite clothing store (read: mommy's favorite kids clothing store) is still gymboree and target. her favorite books are daddy's girl by garrison keillor, the cooper books with cooper the bear from hallmark, and where's my mommy by sarah smith. she loves reading and i will often find her laying on her back with a book up in the air, acting like she is reading.

bella, showing mommy her colors

crazy!

she can eat with a fork and spoon and drink from a big girl cup, which she now prefers to sippy's. she can point to most of her colors, and count to 4. when we sing the abc's, she sings along on key and in time, though she doesn't really say the actual letters. until you get to q. we usually stop and let her say it.

she loves to be outside, and just today came up to me and said, "shi-shi's on. inna go ow-sy" (shoes on. i wanna go outside). she has spent lots of time in the pool this summer and she can hold her breath and go underwater and can ever kick and pull like she is swimming. she jumps off the side to me, but only after telling me to "waaaaaay" (wait) while she hold up one finger, and then counting to 3.

"waaaaaay"

she has lots of words and she is putting together 2 and 3 word sentences, and sometimes more (like today). she is very expressive and lets you know exactly what she is thinking or what she wants. you would think that would make my life easier. alas, no. now, i just constantly have a 1 year old bossing me around. "ina schrawberry! ina schrawberry!" "go ow-sy!!!" "duke in baroom!!! duke in baroom!! AHHHHH!" (duke's in the bathroom! she is such a tattle tale!) and lately, when i don't move fast enough, she picks up my feet and starts moving them forward. i don't know where she gets her bossiness from....mother, don't say a word!

at the lake

but, as bossy as she has become, she is also very VERY sweet. she hugs and kisses all the time. if you tell her "i love you" she blows you a kiss. she walks up to you when you are doing just about anything and will kiss your leg, your arm, your back, anything that is close to her.

she is still rear facing in the car seat and sleeps in her crib. she mostly puts herself to sleep at night and sleeps all night long. she still is wearing cloth diapers, but we recently bought a potty and have been working on her sitting on it and talking about going "pee pee in the potty". we are doing a no pressure potty training, meaning we don't have any expectations as far as a timeline, and i don't make her sit for hours on the potty.

i guess that's about it. she just went down for a nap, so that means i need to clean up the wake of her destruction. if i thought it was bad when she was one, it's 10 times worse 6 months later.

dear blog.

2011-06-21T00:20:00.000-04:00

dear blog,

i have neglected you. when we started out, i wrote every day. i was passionate about unloading my thoughts and sending them into the blogosphere. and then i started writing every other day. things were getting busier around here and i justified cutting back. html doesn't have feelings, afterall. but then, i only seldom wrote, when i had time. which, in the world of toddler hood, is practically non existent. so i drifted away. letting go of our little fling. it was fun while it lasted.

but then words jumbled around in my mind. sometimes, complete thoughts would actually form, which had become somewhat of a rarity. i wanted to write again, but it had been so long, i felt like i would have to explain and offer excuses. and that just seemed so trite. so i stayed away.

but now, i think, i am back. i can't promise that things will be the same as they were before, blog. now, my time on the computer is usually spent video chatting with joel, who is half a world away, and honestly, i don't think about you much then. every other moment of the day is spent on the phone with insurance companies and lawyers and realtors or chasing around the busiest toddler mankind has ever known. these sound like excuses maybe, still. but, blog? this is what happens when you are aan adult (and a real person). you have more important things. you find different things that make you happy. you grow up. you move on. you change and evolve.

for now, just be happy that i think of you often and i will be writing more. but don't get greedy, blog. it's not all about you anymore.

j.

susta review

2011-05-27T23:06:00.000-04:00

i am not a baker. i am a giant failure in the cooking sweet morsely goodness department. and honestly, i try to avoid processed white sugar as much as possible. but when i was asked to try a new natural sweetener called SUSTA, i accepted, thinking it would be an interesting opportunity to try some not so bad for you sugary snacks.

{photo credit}

a few facts:

SUSTA is an all natural sweetener that is a low glycemic index food. meaniing, when you use SUSTA as a substitute for sugar, it won't give you that sugar rush followed by a crash. in other words, it doesn't affect your blood sugar levels as badly, making it great for people suffering from diabetes.
SUSTA is low calorie. each packet contains only 5 calories.
SUSTA contains fiber and probiotics which aid in digestion.
SUSTA is safe for use in pregnant/nursing women, children and those with diabetes.
there are no chemicals or processed ingredients.

{photo credit}

i was sent a box of SUSTA packets and also a bag of their product called SUSTAbowl, which is just loose SUSTA in a bag to use in baking. the information sheet informed me to only substitute the sugar in a recipe up to half, so it would be half sugar, half SUSTA.

first things first, i'm a southern girl and love some sweet tea. it was time to make some more anyway, so i decided to try replacing half of the sugar with SUSTA. i made my tea as usual, but replaced half a cup of sugar with SUSTA, and then added a half cup regular sugar.

my first impression was that it was WAY sweeter than i expected. i usually use 1 1/2 cups of sugar when i make tea, and i think that is pretty tame, but this SUSTA tea was more sweet than that. it also had a little bit of a fruity taste, which was not something i cared for. it didn't taste bad, just not like the tea i like to drink on a regular basis.

my second attempt at tasting it was by substituting the sugar in cookies. like i said, i am not a baker. i don't know anything about baking, and as a matter of fact, i burned out my hand mixer tonight and almost lit the house on fire. this is why i buy pre-made cookies or cookie dough. but i figured the best way to really tell if it was good, was to..well.....use it.

i decided upon the most basic sugar cookies i could find. i made the recipe and the first thing i noticed was the consistency was a little different than i am used to. it could have been my terrible baking skills, or the SUSTA, but i couldn't quite get the sugar mixture and butter to cream and it remained grainy. i added in the dry ingredients and and finished mixing (cue smoke and flash).

i rolled out the cookies onto a cookie sheet and baked them according to the recipe. another thing i noticed was that the cookies didn't flatten out like most cookie dough does. it stayed exactly like how i dropped it.

after they cooled, i grabbed a few and a glass of milk and got to tasting. it was all very scientific. i ate a bite, swirled it around in my mouth...no wait.....that's wine.......scratch that. i took a bite, and my first reaction was that it was sweeter than i am used to. *mental note: next time use less sugar all together* this turns out to be a good thing! SUSTA is so sweet that you don't need to use as much to get the desired sweetness from your food. so, yay! less sugar! the cookies were actually really delicious. i could tell there was a difference, but it wasn't a bad difference.

there is an odd feeling in your mouth after consuming it. i can't explain it well, but it is almost like after you spray throat spray in your mouth. no taste, just like your breath is a lot cooler or something. i'd say that might be the only negative to the product.

some pros:

because it's sweeter than normal sugar, you can use less meaning you get the same sweetness for less money and less calories.
it's good for you.
it's a low glycemic index food
it's low calorie and low carb, so it's great even when you are dieting

some cons:

the feeling after you eat it is a little weird
it takes a few times to get the amount right.

the website has several recipes (that i saw after making my cookies) that include SUSTA, and sound really yummy.

i want my fat little angel back.

2011-05-26T13:26:00.000-04:00

when bella was about 3 months old, my friend's baby was a toddler. i was visiting one day and witnessed her become exasperated, several times, with her rambunctious little one. she blew out a big breath and kind of slumped, defeated, into the ground. she sat up and looked at me and said, "she is driving me crazy today."

i looked to bella, all fat and sweet and stationary and found myself thinking, "i could never be that way with her.....she is so sweet."

famous last words.

skip to today. we're in target, and i am trying on a bathing suit (which is like, SO my favorite thing to do anyway) and bella is sitting in the stroller, screaming at the top of her lungs. as i fumble with the ties and try to keep myself from being exposed in the dressing room, she throws her water on the ground, but only after shaking out half of it onto her tray (and those are "supposed" to be leak proof. i'm beginning to believe that the only thing truly leak proof is an empty sippy). she screams again. throws her cow across the room. screams. throws. screams.

this wasn't a tantrum, mind you. in between the screams, she was laughing. they were actually more like squeals than screams.

"stopit." i said through clenched teeth.

scream.

"STOPITRIGHTNOW."

scream.

"you are going to be in somuchtrouble. STOPIT!!"

SCREEEEAAAAM.

i start to sweat. her screams embarrass me and makes my blood boil.

i take away all her toys and her sippy and put them in the bag.

"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA"

i let out a deep breath, sit down and slump, defeated, into the bench. i look at bella. "you are driving me crazy today, you know that?"

of course, we get home, and after lunch and some little einsteins, bella walks over to me, wraps her arms around my leg, pats me a few times, then she kisses my knee and says, "eyyyye duvvv yew".

(this is terrible video quality, but you get the point)

my sister calls her a sour patch kid-first she's sour. then she's sweet. i'm pretty sure she was the inspiration behind their commercials.

6 years.

2011-05-25T16:16:00.000-04:00

this post is actually a little late. our anniversary was 5 days ago, but i was on my way to visit with joel for a few days . i spent the entire day driving, but it was most definitely worth it to spend one last weekend together.

this is a weird way to start out our 7th year of marriage, apart and with little communication for half of it. but we will make it through. and we will be stronger for it. we always are.

the first time i met you, i was moving into my dorm my sophomore year of college. i didn't know a soul except for my room mate, and as soon as i got my stuff down and my mom out the door, we were called to a floor meeting. our floor and the boys floor above us. you were the first to speak. you were confident, though not arrogant. you spoke with authority. and you were enthusiastic about the coming year.

you planned fun events and made sure everyone was having as much fun as they wanted. you were silly and goofy and made people laugh.

those were the first things i saw in you. and the first things i loved in you.

that was 8 years ago, and i remember it like it was yesterday. since then, you have been my best friend. i can't imagine my life any other way than with you in it.

i have more fun, i'm more challenged, i do more, i see more, i am more.

seeing you as a dad has brought about a new love and respect that i could have never imagined. you are gentle and sweet and playful. bella adores you, which makes my heart sing. and you adore her which makes me melt.

we've had our ups and downs, but through each moment we have been there, holding the other one and reminding them what's important. i can always count on you to say what i need to hear, even when it's not what i want to hear.

on friday, we celebrated 6 years in a somewhat unorthodox way. most people go to fancy hotels and have nice big dinners with sparkly gifts exchanged. we celebrated by visiting you at your government approved hotel, in a military town far away. we took bella to the playground and then went to the mall and we ate dinner in the food court. we spent the weekend recording you reading new books you bought for the baby, swimming in the hotel pool and playing with the trains at barnes and noble. it was a bitter sweet weekend. each moment, i was reminded how much i would miss you and how much you and i had become one. just as we would be laughing about something only we would find funny, a though would pass through my mind and i would remember that at the end of the weekend, we would say goodbye, and i would start to cry. i've never felt so bi-polar in all my life.

but it was also such an amazing way to spend those last few days-i think we both really cherished each moment we had.

happy 6 years, babe. thank you for who you are. i love your energy and how you balance me out. you are smart, and funny, and charming, and creative. you make me laugh and you hold me when i cry. you are my other half. i'm going to miss you like crazy, but i am also so proud of you and i think you are pretty amazingly brave.

i love you. more than words can say.

must haves: summer edition

2011-05-19T14:02:00.001-04:00

even though a cold front just came through, leaving us feeling more like early spring than almost summer, i have been gearing up for the sun filled afternoons that await us. this is my must haves list to get me through summer!

bento boxes from pottery barn kids

photo credit: pottery barn

there are tons of bento boxes out there now, but for the size and the price, i have found very few that compare to these.

california baby bug spray

photo credit: california baby

i don't know about the bug situation where you are, but around here? mosquitos and gnats are B.A.D. and i am so sugary sweet that they all flock to me. this stuff is chemical free and all natural, meaning i don't have to worry about the long term effects, only the fact that i will not be scratching my face off after enjoying a day by the pool.

california baby face stick sunscreen

photo credit: california baby

while it is a little "zinc-y" (read: leaves white marks, making you look like the nerdy lifeguard, if you don't rub it in well enough) it is fragrance and chemical free, and all kinds of other harmful stuff free. safe for me, safe for bella, safe for the sun.

bubble outfits! starting with this one from chez ami.

photo credit: chez ami

a company based out of raleigh, nc, chez ami is a kids clothes home party company. they have the CUTEST stuff, and they are on facebook. if i didn't hate home parties so much, i would totally be a consultant for them. but you can order individual pieces!

a gazillion bubble blower

photo credit: amazon.com

exactly what every parent needs for a baby who is as obsessed with bubbles as mine is.

an awesome baby pool, like the banzai baby sprinkles splish splash pool

photo credit: target.com

nothing beats the heat like running around in pools and sprinklers. and this one is awesome. bella was tentative for about 2 seconds. and don't think i don't climb in the bad boy with her. it's the perfect way to cool off.

apple cheeks swim diapers

photo credit: apple cheeks,

these are, by far, the best swim diapers i have found.

something sweet from happy little lovelies.

photo credit: happy little lovelies

they are so happy and oh so lovely!

an awesome photo app

i used action snap for android to take a picture of bella looking at her dada's picture. it's free on the android market. and it's awesomesauce. and because b will be in action all summer, this is the perfect app to catch her silliness.

an awesome workout for a beach body.

i'm doing p90x. last time i did this workout, i lost 10 pounds in a month and then got pregnant. but i looked and felt great. time to start over, just in time to get beach body ready

happy summer!!!

in case you missed them, here are my spring must haves, that i also must have for the summer!

what happened to my quiet existence?

2011-05-18T08:42:00.001-04:00

this is the morning where i step onto the back porch, hair a mop on top of my head, coffee cup in hand, wrapped in a terry cloth robe and bunny slippers, and scream at the top of my lungs, "SHUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!".

only, i don't have the energy.

the neighbors dog has been barking incessantly since about 2 am. the baby slept all night long and didn't make a peep until 7am, but 7am came way too early considering i was up all night listening to yelps and barks.

all night, as each hour slowly ticks by, i think of my plan of action. i don't have to put up with this! i will call animal control. no. no that's not very neighborly. then again, neither is leaving your dog out all night to keep up the neighbors. i know what to do! i'll go knock on their door, explain to them that i have a baby and need my sleep. wait. it's 2am. they're probably sleeping. that's rude. wait. it's 2am and i'm NOT sleeping............bb gun???? but i don't want to hurt the dog. i just want it to be quiet.

i visit the scream at the top of my lungs idea. well that would just be lovely, no? i remember when we moved into the house i lived in through high school, the neighbors came over to introduce themselves, saying, "thank goodness the old neighbors moved. she would always come outside and scream at her kids to come inside, or scream at the dogs. i think she was kind of crazy." so there's that rolling around in the back of my mind. i certainly don't want to be the crazy lady on the block. but then again, if i don't get some sleep soon, i will be the crazy lady on the block.

as i sit here, the dog is still barking. don't dogs ever lose their voices? or like get sore throats? surely, he must be getting thirsty from all that barking.

i feel my eyes twitching. and my hands are shaking. oh how quickly one forgets the all nighters of a newborn.

now, off to wrap some vicodin in a ham hock. maybe that will keep him quiet............

today was the day.

2011-05-15T22:58:00.000-04:00

5 days before we celebrate our 6 year anniversary, i find myself up at 6am, driving to the base to drop my husband off for a 7 month deployment.

we spent the last week taking in each other and our little family, doing fun things when we weren't running around trying to get him ready. we ate out almost every meal, since he may be eating anything from MRE's (nasty packaged food that heats itself....which is just wrong) to something unidentifiable. and saturday, we went to six flags for my moms work function.

it was a fun filled day of roller coasters (which we haven't ridden in almost 6 years) and rides with the baby. bella loved most of the rides, and especially loved the playground. of course.

up until last night, it felt like the day he left would never come. i knew it was coming, but for some reason, it didn't seem like it ever would get here.

we got up and drove onto base early this morning. we pulled into the parking lot, the only other cars belonging to the rest of his squadron who were also deployed. as the transport pulled up beside us, i felt this overwhelming sense of sadness.

we have weird goodbyes, usually. the last deployment he went on, i dropped him off at the airport, gave him a hug and a kiss and said goodbye. there are no tears, no prolonged make-out session for the world to see, no long embraces or sniffles. just a simple goodbye, and we part ways. i know he'll be back, and i also look at each deployment as a chance for me to prove how strong i am.

when joel is home, i always default most of the typical "man" chores to him. but when he is gone, i have to do it all. and it's kind of empowering. i mow, and build stuff, and put things together, and fix things.

but this morning was kind of different. this morning, when joel said goodbye to me and bella, and then climbed into the van, bella's lip started to quiver a little. i said, "say bye-bye dada!" and the waterworks started flowing. big crocodile tears just streaming down her cheeks.

45 minutes later, she finally started to slow the tears. but only after i had shed a few of my own.

i'll miss him a lot, for sure. but trying to imagine how bella feels and what she thinks is what really breaks my heart. i don't know how to help her rationalize that her daddy is gone and she only gets to see him on the computer and in pictures. she can see him in video's or through video chat, but he never tucks her into bed, or gives her a bath, or plays on the playground with her. and i know he is coming back soon, but how can i communicate that to her.

bella loves her daddy. sometimes i think she likes him more than she likes me. and that's ok (for now). one day she will know why she is proud of her daddy. and she will be even more so.

for now, she carries her daddy doll around with her everywhere she goes, kisses him goodnight, eats with him (and feeds him...which gets messy, you can imagine), puts bows in his hair, and snuggles up at night with him. and occasionally, she pokes him in the eye.

we miss you!!!

meet the neighbors

2011-05-11T15:23:00.000-04:00

my brain has been all over the place the last few weeks, and my heart has been very heavy. most of it, i can't really talk about in a public forum like this, and because it consumes my thoughts, i have simply not written anything of substance in a long time.

and some of it, is just difficult to explain. i tap out a long post, only to read it and find myself saying, "what was i even talking about?"

i'm going to go with my better judgement, and i am going to keep these things to myself for now. they may come out later. i just felt the need to explain my absence and somber tone lately.

now, onto silly things.

we have new neighbors. they are.....

hmm.

i don't like to pass judgement about a person the moment i meet them, but sometimes, people make it hard.

neighbor lady: (standing outside in the backyard smoking, her 3 year old son running around)

me: hi! did you guys just move in? (i mean...duh...but i had to open it somewhere, right?)

nl: yeah, we just closed friday. now we're guttin' the place.

me: nice. well welcome and congrats on your new house.

nl: your dogs mean?

me: um. no. oh the fence? we put that up because one of our dogs is a jumper. but they are not mean at all. (i say, as duke is barking like a mad man at their dogs)

nl: just checkin. i seen that fence and thought maybe they were biters or sumthin.

me: nope. just jumpers.

nl: you got a kid??

me: (looks around at all the toys scattered around the backyard) yep, just one. she's about 17 months.

nl: (takes a long drag off her cigarette): yah, we just got this un here (the wild banshee child, running around and screaming at the top of his lungs), and i'm due with our second in september.

and those are our neighbors! yay us!!

mothers day/deployment photo shoot

2011-05-11T09:32:00.000-04:00

with joel's deployment coming up and because mothers day was getting close, i decided to have bella's pictures done. a few months ago, we entered a contest that a local photographer was running. i had never met her or heard of her, but i always like a chance to win something!

so we entered bella's picture and lo and behold! she won! we had her session, and i was really pleased. here is her album from that photo shoot.

when we needed more pictures, i knew just who i would go to.

jen d photography.

at our first session, i found out that she was just starting up her photography business after years of it just being a hobby. she decided to get serious when she and her husband decided to try an adopt a child. the funds raised from taking pictures would go directly towards the cost of adoption.

i love kids and i love knowing that every time i get bella's pictures done by jen, i am helping her get one step closer to her goal of being a mommy.

here are some of my favorites from our most recent shoot.

bella was super uncooperative, but we still managed to get some good stuff from her. annie's bunnies always help.

jen is currently photographing in

macon and warner robins area,

but will soon be pcsing with her husband.

her contact info can be found here

today is "be nice to me because my husband is awesome" day.

2011-05-06T15:31:00.001-04:00

last month was month of the military child.

military children go through a lot. and they didn't ask for it. they switch schools every few years, have to make new friends and don't have one house they can say was their childhood home. kids are flexible and seem to absorb the change most of the time, but it can't be easy. bella is 17 months and i can only imagine how hard it must be for her to rationalize why daddy is gone for long periods of time.

a lot is uncertain in the life of a military child. our job as her parents, who brought her into this situation, is to provide her with the only stability that we can, building on a strong foundation of love and faith. being faithful to God, being faithful to each other, and being faithful to love and guide our children in appropriate ways. obviously, this can be said for any family, but it's especially pertinent to military families.

i love my military child, who handles things better than i do sometimes. (and sometimes she screams all night long because she misses her daddy.)

today is military spouse appreciation day.

being a military spouse is an honor and a privilege. i know that sounds weird-i did choose to be married to someone in the military. i don't mean that is was something bestowed upon me, but i get a lot of recognition for my husbands job. much of which i don't feel i deserve. he is the one helping people effected by disasters. he is the one deploying to dangerous areas. he is the one sacrificing his time, his body, his family, his leisure. but i feel so proud to say, "my husband is in the military". he makes me proud.

i don't always like what he has to do. but he serves. he protects. he does it willingly. better yet, he does it happily. he diligently does his job and goes wherever he is sent. he is strong and brave and is overflowing with courage. he chose this life. and he chose me to live it with him. i feel honored that he wanted me beside him.

not everyone is cut out to be a military spouse. it's hard. it's trying. you move a lot. there are no roots. you're far from anything familiar, most of the time. it's a test of your relationship and of your spirit. some people seem to kind of fall into this lifestyle and they resist it, to the detriment of their family. other embrace it, and stand strongly behind their spouse.

i have been so blessed to be among this amazing group of people. military spouses are like no other. we become family very quickly. we celebrate marriages, births, buying homes, selling homes, holidays, birthdays, and everything in between with each other. often, we are far from home and our blood families, and we rely on the kindness and sympathy of almost complete strangers. we forge bonds that are not easily broken. most of the people i consider life long, best friends are military spouses. they hold your hand, they've got your back, and they even send their kids over to mow the grass. we are godparents to their children and they are second families for ours. i feel so fortunate to say that i literally have friends all over the globe.

today, i recognize the amazing men and women who selflessly support their military spouse, both here and abroad. thank you for your friendship. thank you for your love. thank you for your bravery. you make this life easier and so much more fun.

1% of Americans may be fighting our wars,

but we need 100% of Americans to be supporting
our troops and their families.

Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden are asking
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wordless wednesday: faces of bella

2011-05-04T10:00:00.000-04:00

finally.

military moments: osama is a goner.

2011-05-02T15:33:00.000-04:00

today is a weird day.

i'm sure you've all heard that some of america's bravest killed one of the words biggest coward. one shot to the head.

i think a moment is deserved for all those who lost their lives and loved ones on 9/11 and for the men and women who have fought and died valiantly, leaving behind babies and lovers and mothers and fathers, in the pursuit of this evil man.

..................................................................................

i woke up this morning and checked my news app on my phone. the top headline had my jaw dropping to the ground. i don't watch much tv, so my only source of news is that app and facebook. i know, that's way lame, but i am so disconnected with reality.

my first thought was elation. this man hunt was finally over! it's over! we're done! YES!!! i finished the article, put down my phone and sat with bella as she watched mickey mouse (the only thing we do watch on tv. that and handy manny).

and then i had another thought. and that one was not so great. i was scared. leading up to this deployment, fear has not really been in my mind. i was bummed we would be apart-i would miss him, bella would miss him. i hated that we would not get to celebrate our anniversary, the holidays, my birthday, bella's birthday. i was anxious-it seems to take forever for them to leave, which means that's just longer until they come home. but fear didn't really cross my mind. not for me and not for him. we know a lot of people who have deployed and come back safely, and i thought things were settling a little. it didn't seem so unstable.

and then, we killed the queen bee. and the reality of what is to come seemed to hit home. heightened safety alerts, anticipated threats of retaliation. these words are not comforting. i'm pretty sure they aren't meant to be.

obviously, the threat is not certain. we are anticipating them. meaning none have been made, none that we know of anyway. but it still scares me.

i read articles about the possible threats. dumb move. i seem to have a morbid curiosity sometimes and this is not a good time to indulge that.

i'm praying that we don't rest on our victory in the days and weeks following this. and i pray for the safety of everyone serving in the military. mostly, right now, i am asking for peace of mind.

-----

i have not been posting much lately. i can't say i haven't had time to get on here. i just haven't made the time. it hasn't seemed as important as taking in moments that are happening. bella is busy, constantly. chasing her and keeping her entertained has become more time consuming than ever. and also more rewarding.

and joel being gone has pretty much consumed my thoughts. i can't talk about much, and that makes it harder, and i definitely can't write about it, except to say he's gone. and sometimes i don't even feel comfortable putting that out there (by the way, i have two giant, ferocious dogs who will eat you if you aren't supposed to be here. and i know combatives, just in case there are any bad guys reading this. i will cut you. ). my mom is staying with us while joel is gone, in part to help me, and in part so we can help her. and that makes things easier. at least i am not alone in a house with a toddler. i can already feel my brain turning to mush.

tonight, when you sit down to dinner with your family, and bless your food, take an extra moment to thank the people who fight to protect you every day, who are leaving families behind, who are sacrificing their lives for people they have never met. and before you say anything negative (especially on twitter or facebook) about our military, think about why you are able to say what you think. don't trivialize the sacrifice these men and women are making. they died so you can speak your mind. but a little respect wouldn't kill you either.

and i mean that in the nicest way possible.

people who hate children probably have a miserable life

2011-04-26T17:39:00.000-04:00

we went to the grocery store today. bella had decided, upon entering the store that she wasnot having it.

i buckled her in, gave her her sippy and her snack, and told her, "you know what we are doing. please behave." (because, as you know, reasoning with toddlers is so practical.)

we made our rounds about the produce section, and about the time we passed the bananas, this whole sitting in the seat, being well behaved thing had just about run its course.

so she started climbing out. bella has always been a little houdini, getting out of her swaddlers, early and often. and that talent has carried over to the grocery cart strap. there isn't one that holds my child in. we have tightened them as tightly as they can go without making it a tourniquet on her tiny baby body, and sure enough she wiggles her way up and out of them.

i put her back down and before her butt is even in the seat she is up again. i put her down and hold her by the arm, not allowing her to stand again. and so began the end of my sanity.

she began to wail in a way that i had not witnessed since she was a tiny little tyrant, screaming for the boob. and she would. not. stop.

i offered her food, water, to be held. but she was not going to stand in the cart. i was not going to be that mom picking her kid up off the floor, saying, "i don't know how this happened!"

for the next 30 minutes, she continued to scream. without cessation.

during that time, i walked around the store in a haze, like in the movies when everything is blurry and kind of slow motion because all i could hear was her screaming.

i wish i could say i didn't care about what other people think. and honestly, i don't care about what they think. but i am not impervious to what they say or do. as i was finishing up my list, i began to notice that there were two very distinct groups of people around me. surprisingly, the delineating factors of these two groups aren't based on age, gender or race. or even if they have kids or not.

first, there was that group of people who, mostly, were probably familiar with children. they were sympathetic. they looked at me with a knowing smile, as if to say, "i know what you're going through lady. i'm glad i'm not you, but i have been there." or "it's ok. kids cry". some of them actually did say those things or stopped and to try and make bella laugh or smile, telling her how she is way too pretty to be crying so much. there were men and women, old and young. many of them there by themselves.

but then, there was a smaller group. the group that hates children. or hates mothers. or hates mothers with their children. or something like that. they would shoot me glances, like, "can't you get that kid to shut up??" trust me lady, if i could, do you think i would be walking around the store with a screaming toddler? there was one lady in particular. we got in line behind her, because it was the shortest line which usually means the fastest way out. as i pulled my cart and screaming child up behind her, she gave me this look that made me feel like the most insignificant person on the planet. and then she shook her head. and looked at me again, with an expression of disgust, a little anger maybe, some contempt. whatever it was, it was ugly.

and right there, in the middle of kroger, humiliated and defeated, i started to cry. just a few tears. but it was the only time in my recent memory that someone has made me cry.

maybe she was having a bad day. maybe she was tired of hearing her kid cry and the LAST thing she wanted was to stand in line and listen to someone else's kid cry. i get that. but give me a break. you've obviously had this moment once or twice. with a 5 year old in your cart, there is no way you have escaped the meltdown-in-the-store phase.

the thing that was the most frustrating is that, even though i felt like at any moment, my ear drums would rupture and i would be deaf for the rest of my life, the crying didn't bother me. there was the small moment where i couldn't really think straight and found myself standing in front of the basil, getting exasperated because i couldn't find it. but the crying wasn't what sent me over the edge. it was the feeling i got when that woman cast her judgement at me with such reckless abandon, the feeling that i was a gnat. that i was no more than a mosquito. that i had no business being in her presence.

people like miss snotty pants grocery shopper lady? you were a child once. you probably screamed just like this, in a grocery store similar to this one, while your poor, tired mother tried to shush you and get everything she needed to feed your cranky butt. if you have such a problem with noise and chaos, you may need to reconsider where you spend your time. a grocery store in the middle of the day may not be the best place for you. also, family restaurants are probably not the wisest choice.

scared

2011-04-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

i may have just inadvertently passed on my bug phobia to bella.

it wasn't intentional. i swear.

first some background. i. am. TERRIFIED. of all things creepy crawly. i think with the exception of lady bugs and maybe caterpillars (if i don't think about it too much), anything that is small and insecty leaves me frozen in fear. quite literally.

a few years ago, while we were living in hawaii, i was in the back yard, doing some cleaning and mowing. i reached out to put the cover on the grill, threw it up over the top and began to spread it out. then i saw it. a big old ugly centipede. it wasn't the biggest i have seen-maybe 4 or 5 inches long, 1/2 an inch wide. centipedes may be the nastiest, ugliest, meanest, creepy-crawliest of all bugs. and my hand was less than a foot away from it. i jumped back from the grill. then i stood there, trembling, unable to move due to the fear that had taken over me.

that's what it's like when i see bigger bugs. i am frozen. i start to panic a little. sometimes i cry.

irrational? absolutely. but it is also absolutely real.

when bella came along, i didn't want her to have any of my fears. aside from bugs, there aren't really any. i do kind of freak out when i am in too small a space or am not able to move my arms. but other than that, i consider myself somewhat brave. i'm not scared of heights or water (i have a healthy respect for water, though), not scared of dogs, or birds, or being alone. but bugs, that's another story.

so, i tried to not freak out about bugs when bella could see me. it was hard at first. my instincts want to scream or cry. i start to shake, sometimes violently. but, especially lately, i have been trying really hard to hold it together.

then there was this morning.

we are walking out to the car and in the doorway, right outside is a roach. one of those big ones. and bella is reaching for it.

"NO!!!" i scream without thinking.

she jumps back. looks at me with a scared expression. her lip juts out and starts to quiver, ever so slightly.

"i'm sorry, baby. it's ok. don't be scared. that's just yucky. don't touch it because it's yucky." i tell her, as i pick her up.

but i am shaking all over. and i know she can feel it. she squeezes my arms tightly and starts to whimper.

"daddy, come clean up the bug please." i try to sound calm and confident. i am failing.

joel comes in with a box, scoops it up and shows it to bella.

"see bella, nothing to be scared of." he touches it. a shiver goes down my spine. bella hides her face in my shoulder.

joel takes it and puts it somewhere. i assume it's in the trash. outside.

a little while later, i am doing dishes and i hear bella scream. it sounds like she is hurt. when she cries, we try to not make a big deal out of it, so i walk calmly to her and ask, "what's wrong?"

then i see it. the box. on the floor, upside down and open. bella is standing several feet away. frozen. shaking. and crying.

i throw our, "let's make her tough and not make a big deal out of things" stance out the window, sweep her up and go sit on the couch, far away from the little intruder.

we rock and i tell her, "it's alright. nothing to be scared of. it'a just a bug. it's just yucky. but it's not scary."

i get up, hold her close and walk over to the box. i kick it over and let her look at it from the safety of my arms. "see bella? nothing scary."

i flip the box back over and slide it out the door, being very careful not the let it open up, lest the nastiness inside jump out and land on my face. i shut the door and walk back to the couch. she is still shaking. still whimpering.

"it's ok. it's ok. it's just a bug. nothing to be scared of." i tell myself, as much as i tell her.

i was a slave to social media

2011-04-20T21:43:00.000-04:00

if you haven't noticed, i have taken an extended sabbatical from blogging recently. saying we've been busy would not really convey how things have been going. but words are kind of escaping me right now.

the truth is? i haven't been on the computer much over the past 3 weeks.

and i have LOVED it.

there are drawbacks, sure. i am way disconnected. my inbox is currently flooded with ~~mostly junk~~ tons of really important stuff. i'm behind on all the juicy celebrity gossip. my reader is too full to ever catch up on. and mostly, there has not been a steady influx of cuteness gracing the interwebs with my baby's perfectly shaped noggin.

the upside? during bella's naps this week, i've been catching up on glee. why didn't anyone enlighten me on it's awesomeness!?!?! we have played more. we have traveled a bunch (also mostly the reason i haven't been on). and i have reconnected with my family. which is what life is all about, no?

i didn't intend to go away. not at all. but after we went camping, life got really packed with stuff. we flew out to california for a friends wedding, we went to florida to get my mom and move her up here, we moved my mom in, and we have been preparing for a deployment. then we all got the voms. it wasn't the flu, but each one of us spent 24 hours puking our brains out. lovely, right? for bella, it started an hour after we left my moms house. and continued the entire length of our 8 hour drive (which is usually a 6 hour drive. but stopping every 2 hours to clean up a sick baby, and following the uhaul that was towing my moms car added quite a bit of time on to our trip).

i have to say that i didn't really miss social media that much. i missed facebook a little bit, but it was a very little bit. i didn't miss twitter at all. and my blog? i mostly felt guilty about not writing. but i didn't miss it entirely. i missed getting stuff out. i missed the outlet and the creativity it inspired. but i didn't miss feeling like i had to keep up and perform.

i have a friend who once staged a photo shoot with a group of friends to post on facebook. it was an experiment of sorts, where he reasoned that everything people do, they do so they can post it on facebook to make everyone else think they have this exciting fun life. so he got together with about 12 other people and they went to a park with mallets and pretended they were playing croquet. they took hilarious photos, all posed, to make it look like they were having a blast. after it was over, he mused that, even though it was initially farce, it ended up being a really fun day that they all laugh about. i think about this a lot when i post stuff. sometimes, i will see something cute or funny and literally think, "i should put that on facebook!". and part of me hates myself for that.

this isn't some kind of epiphany or resolution. i have learned some about myself and my dependence on social media, but i am not vowing to avoid it for an amount of time. i don't want to be a slave to anything. especially not something driven by an innate need for human interaction and attention. so i will just continue to post when i feel something is worthy of sharing, and i will read things that i feel are worthy of my time. but i definitely want to make my real human interaction a priority. it's so much more rewarding and gratifying anyway.

DIY silhouettes

2011-04-04T16:06:00.000-04:00

i've always looked at silhouettes and thought they were weird. i don't personally like my own, and they always seemed kind of ambiguously creepy. and old fashioned.

but apparently, they are big now.

i have become obsessed lately with DIY blogs and especially in the home decor category, and have spent waaaaay too much time surfing around picking out fun little sewing and crafting projects. everywhere i look are silhouettes. and like everything cyclical in design, they've been modernized. and i saw people doing DOG silhouettes!! if you know me at all, you know duke was my first baby, and even after the birth of our first real child, our dogs are like kids.

so i decided to give this project a whirl and i LOVE the outcome!

---------------

materials:

-a camera

-a printer

-a cute baby or fur baby (they don't have to be cure, but it sure helps)

-cardstock in any color. i used black.

-fabric in any pattern/color. i used tan.

-a frame.

---------------

cost:

relatively cheap. i used paper i had, and fabric i had. the frame was on sale at michael's for $4. i used a backless frame and used some cardboard from a package for the back. yay for recycling!!

---------------

step 1: take pictures of silhouettes of your subjects, making sure they are all about the same size. mine were duke, lola and baby girl.

step2: print the pictures out. i printed mine out on my computer on normal computer paper.

step 3: cut around the outside of the subject. make sure to include details, like curls and eyelashes to add the extra personality and charm.

step 4: holding the cutout against a black piece of paper, cut again around the shape. for dogs, you can cut out the line of the ears to add extra detail.

step 5: iron and cut your fabric leaving about 1-2 inches around the outside.

step 6: center fabric on cardboard or the backing of the frame so that the fabric is on the bottom (right side down) and the wrong side of the cardboard is facing up.

step 7: using fabric glue, glue the edges of the fabric around the outside of the board, making sure to pull it tightly and smooth it out across the front.

step 8: figure out the layout of your silhouettes, and then secure them with fabric glue.

step 9: frame, and voila! DIY silhouettes of all of your babies!!

my next one i will attempt is a piece for our bedroom of joel and me. i'll be sure to post the follow up.

it's comical tuesdays

2011-03-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

my life is comical.

and sometimes words aren't enough.

and i never seem to have a camera when things get really hairy.

but i do have a pretty ~~wiggitywack~~ awesome memory.

{it's comical tuesday's presents}

bella's reasoning skills

because a hug makes it all better.......

i may have jinxed myself

2011-03-27T21:43:00.000-04:00

....when i said i hoped this camping trip would be drier than the last one.

we planned this trip back in february. 10 days out we looked at the weather. 80's and 70's during the day, 50's and 60's at night. the week leading up to it elicited pool days in the backyard. 3 days out, the forecast still looked promising, with high's still projected to be in the 70's, though there was a slight chance, 30%, of rain.

thursday night, a friend informed me that it was supposed to rain all weekend. i checked the report. 60% chance of rain saturday. 40% on sunday. those odds did not bother us. rain is no big deal. we have equipment for rain. rain can be fun!

we got a late start friday. i'm talking 4 hours later than i wanted to leave. but did i take this as a bad sign? of course not! because we were in no rush for our fun, relaxing, albeit potentially wet, weekend.

friday night was great. hot dogs by the campfire, a little talking and goofing off, then off to bed, where we all slept....well, like you do when you camp. not at all.

thursday, we got up and had a great day. we took the canoe out, played several games of badminton (in which my dad and i won every round), and took bella to the park. it was a little cloudy, but it was nice.

and then it started raining. we put up the pop up, secured tarps around the outside and even set up a space heater to keep warm. we passed some time playing games and laughing and again, it was fun. when the rain let up a little, we took a trip out to walmart to get some things that we needed-a jacket for the baby, a wind fly for the pop up, some mat's to keep mud out of the tents, you know, essentials.

when we got back, the ranger came by to let us know there were severe thunderstorm watches and a possible tornado warning just north of us. we figured we would secure the tents a little better and ride it out. we made dinner and got back in the pop up right before the rain started again. more time passed. and it started getting a little dark and the rain was letting up so joel and i decided it was a perfect time to take the baby to get a shower, then come back and put her to bed.

as we drove up to the site, i saw our tent bending a little under the pressure of the wind, some things being tossed around in our tent. we parked the trucks, put the dogs in the back, and joel took off with the baby towards the campsite. he went into our tent to hold it down as the wind picked up a little. i came up shortly after with our bags. in the pop-up, my dad, step mom and friend's son were holding onto the rails and holding the wind fly shut. i jokingly mentioned that they should hold it a little tighter, because the legs were starting to come off the ground.

and then the wind began to howl. the legs began to lift higher, the tent shaking violently. things started to blow off of the table, and i could hear bella faintly crying behind me. the tent lifted higher. we were all clinging to it, white knuckled. i looked at my dad, and the expression he wore spoke volumes. it wasn't a look of fear, but one that said, "i do not know what is happening". my calm, collected, in control dad looked as though he knew things had reached far out of his control.

and i started to freak out. i couldn't hear anything as i clutched my chest and kept saying, "my baby. my baby. my baby." i couldn't get to her. i was frozen with fear as the tent lifted higher, until the legs were practically parallel with the ground. i wanted to run to my husband and my daughter, but i was afraid that if i left, something would happen. i don't know what i feared. maybe that i would get picked up like dorothy, or get hit by some chair flying through the air. my friends teenage son kept trying to assure me that things were going to be ok. my step mom held me with one free arm, while she gripped the tent with the other. i heard bella crying, faintly behind me. and i started to sob. joel yelled, "justine, get in here!". as the wind died down a little, i ran into our tent. bella was sitting on the ground, in only her diaper, screaming. joel was trying his hardest to secure the tent, as it wrapped around them like a venus fly trap.

i grabbed her up and joel told me to take her to the car. wrapping her in a blanket and a towel, i ran through the dark, willing my sight to adjust quickly. as i came up to the car, lighting flashed, illuminating the road. and the giant tree that was suspended a mere foot over the bed of our truck. where out four dogs were being kept. i stopped dead in my tracks, and cried out, through weeping sobs, "some....one.......PLEASE.....HEELLLPPP..........MEEEEEE!"

in that instant, i imagined my dogs, trapped in the bed of the truck (which has a cab over it) crushed beneath a tree. i went into our friends tent and sat there sobbing, while the wind whipped around us, bending and flexing the metal poles to its will. joel went and moved the car, and assured me that the dogs were ok.

slowly the wind started to wane. still, i sat in the tent, clutching my baby, rocking her, and crying.

the "neighbors", who were rv camping, came over to offer help as the men started to clean stuff up and assess the damage. i imagined that everything was destroyed, hundreds of dollars of camping equipment, bent and mangled. we broke down the tents, packed what we could in the rain, and left the campgrounds for something a little more.....stable.

that night, bella slept between joel and me, as we held hands and thanked God for our safety.

i have never felt that kind of fear before. i didn't know how the night would end up. it went by in a matter of 10 minutes, but it felt like much longer. it could have gone so much worse. everyone was safe, most of our stuff looked untouched, if not a little wet. our tent had a couple of bent bars, and rips in many of the seams, but nothing irreparable.

and we were safe.

gone......

2011-03-25T08:00:00.000-04:00

just in case you were wondering where we went.

hopefully it will be drier than this time.

15 months and well baby check

2011-03-24T13:47:00.000-04:00

bella has been 15 months for a little over a week now. this "landmark" just doesn't strike me as something that requires a special post. for the first 6 months, each week is special, after that, each month is pretty important. they change so much each day. but once they hit one, it's like....time kind of hovers. people ask me how old she is and i say, "she's uh....wait. what month is it? oh. right."

since there is a well check, i figured i would post her stats, if only for posterity.

height: 30 inches

weight: 23 pounds 8.5 ounces

last weekend, she had a pretty mean ear infection, so we also made this a follow up appointment for that.

her ears were clear.

as of today bella can say a pretty good amount of words, including: mama, dada, lola, duke, turtle, shoes, food, up, down, open, apple, bath, banana, slide, swing, brooke (her aunt), yaya (her grandma), diaper, dirty,

she can point to her eyes, ears, nose, toes, hair, mouth and tongue. she will go get a diaper out of her drawer if you ask her to. she throw things in the garbage when asked to (and sometimes even if you don't ask her to).

she can sign milk, water, food, more, open, and all done.

she loves going down slides, and will go down them all on her own. including big curly slides, which scares mommy sometimes. if you ask her to swim, she lays downs on her tummy with her arms out in front and kicks her feet. she loves being outside and would probably stay out there all day if i let her. we recently blew up the pool and she spent over an hour playing in it.

she is still rear facing in her carseat, and since it's recently become a new policy by the AAP that children remain rear facing until they are 2, i'm glad we chose that path. we have chosen to keep her rear facing until she hits the height and weight requirements for her car seat, even if she is 2. we got her a graco myride 65 for her 1st birthday, so she can safely stay rear facing up to 40 pounds. we made this decision after reading about the benefits and seeing this video.

aaaaaaand, i think that's all of the pride i can vomit into one post. this is as bad as those "my kid is on the honor roll" bumper stickers. well, maybe worse....

i did get a voicemail when i got out of the pediatricians office from joel. it said " just calling to make sure my most adorable little girl passes her inspection." i kid you not. i can not make this up, people. this man's man, military, car fixing, furniture building, rough and gruff man, loves his daughter. and i love him even more for that.

wordless wednesday: soaking up the sun

2011-03-23T20:50:00.000-04:00

{the picture quality is crappy, because i only had my phone. i don't know where my camera has escaped to.}

it's comical tuesdays

2011-03-22T08:00:00.004-04:00

my life is comical.

and sometimes words aren't enough.

and i never seem to have a camera when things get really hairy.

but i do have a pretty ~~wiggitywack~~ awesome memory.

{it's comical tuesday's presents}

monday morning

new trends in parenting? i missed the memo.

2011-03-21T22:50:00.000-04:00

i saw this on twitter a while ago. i kind of chocked it up to crazy famous people and their crazy ideas on parenting and other crazy stuff.

because we all know famous people are crazy. especially tom cruise.

but today, while we were out walking, i saw a kid, who appeared to be about 4 or 5 walking around with a paci in his mouth.

and 2 days ago, shopping at old navy, i saw a little girl who may have even been older (or just really tall for her age) with one.

i don't like to judge parents for their parenting decisions most of the time (unless you are smacking your kid in the head). i know every kid is different, and every parent is different and i do believe in finding the rythym that works for your family. bella never really cared for a pacifier. i tried to get her to take a soothie, and that failed huge time. i even bought a wubbanub. it got most of its use about a week ago when she found it in the garage and started chewing on the paci part.

i tried to get her to take a mam. that didn't last long either. i gave up after that because kids don't need pacifiers. and i'm not going to force something on her that isn't necessary. (note: i'm not saying they're bad, and i know they serve a wonderful purpose in reducing the risk of sids in children under 1 year. but children will be just fine without them. )

so maybe i don't have a platform to stand on. i have never had to break my child of a comforting habit like sucking on a pacifier or a thumb.

but in my mind, i can not rationalize how letting a 5 year old suck on a pacifier all day is a good idea. nevermind the teeth issues you will have later on. every kid i know has or has had braces, so clearly that is not a good argument. i just don't see the benefit. it isn't like they only have it at bedtime, or only when they are upset. these kids are in stores in the middle of the day, walking around sucking on a pacifier. i can only assume that they have it all day long, every day.

i so get not wanting to fight with your kid to break a habit. but won't it only get worse the older they get? won't they just be able to fight better? fight harder?

i also get wanting to let them stay a kid for as long as possible. but how about we just not let them watch racy shows or hang out with kids like these?

hanging on to this habit is going to create bigger problems than a little fit at bedtime. how about when your kid goes to kindergarten? when other kids see him sucking away on that thing, the jokes are going to start flying. that may be the quickest way to get him to give it up, but it most definitely won't be the healthiest.

take it away already.

there is no medical reason to keep it. there is no developmental reason to keep it. in fact, there are reasons, both medically and developmentally, to NOT keep it after a certain age.

is this a new trend among modern parents? or am i just surrounded by weak willed parents? sorry to call you that. if you are a prolonged paci parent, PLEASE, enlighten me. because i clearly do not understand.

bella has spidey powers

2011-03-18T19:08:00.000-04:00

remember when i mentioned that bella may have been peter parker in a former life?

ya. ok. well. here's my proof.

happy friday and have a wonderful weekend!!!

try not to be jealous of our 80 degree forecast this weekend.

i've got the itch for stitch. and being cheesy.

2011-03-17T11:19:00.000-04:00

i have been struggling to come up with interesting stuff to say lately. creatively, i feel on fire right now. just not writing creatively.

i got my sewing machine in the mail about a week ago. i used to sew a little in high school, mostly in my "not-PC-to-call-it-home-ec" fashion design class. but it was home ec.

i took it, because a friend was taking it, and i thought it would be a slacker class. plus, the teacher was the mom of a girl i knew, and i was pretty sure i was ~~her favorite student ever~~ ~~a shoe in for an easy a~~ going to like her.

but i loved the class. LOVED it. we started out making pillows and pajama pants. i thought it would be really hard and all complicated. but it came to me so easily. granted, those are pretty simple projects. but then, we started making tops and toys and all kinds of fun patterns.

then the class ended, and i had no interest in pursuing sewing anymore. i was an athlete, so sports was my hobby. i played softball, basketball, swimming and diving. so after the semester ended and i graduated, i never gave it a second thought.

fast forward to a few months ago. apparently, a lot of the hand made stuff i want to make for bella, requires a sewing machine. it's been 10 years since i took that sewing class. so i took a refresher at a local sewing shop on how to make a jumper. and then i had the itch.

so joel bought me a sewing machine and that's where i've been. sewing. sewing. and more sewing.

i've been scouring the interwebs trying to find cute and easy sewing projects, and learning about how to use all the functions of my machine. it's been fun. and time consuming. bella's naps are filled with searching and sewing. each week, i have something else i need to get at hobby lobby (which isn't much different from usual, but now it's more).

here is a little taste of what i've been making.

recovering a pillow

dresses for b

more to come soon, but it's time to run to hobby lobby!!

bella's fabulous former lives

2011-03-16T10:19:00.001-04:00

if i believed in reincarnation, i'm pretty sure in her former life bella was in an african tongue clicking tribe. quite possibly, she was also peter parker. she has developed these quirky little nuances in her communication that lead me to believe that she had several fantastic lives before this one.

mommy: "bella, do you want a banana?"

bella: ::clicks tongue::

mommy: "bella, is it time for a bath?"

bella: "ba-bath!? ::clicks tongue as she runs to the bathroom::"

it's typically when she is in a goofy mood, so i'm not worried (plus the fact that at 15 months, she has almost 20 words that she recognizes and speaks/signs appropriately). but it is kind of......strange. when she does it, she kind of throws her hip out to the side, her head to the other side, and has this sassy little look on her face, like, "that question is not even worthy of a response, woman."

i totally get that.

we walk around the front of the house, to get her wagon out of the garage for a trip to the park. i punch in the code, hit enter and step back as the garage door starts to raise. bella stretches her arm out in front of her, underside of her arm facing the sky, fingers stretched towards the ground. i'm pretty sure she is thinking, "i must use my spidey powers to open this door".

when we come home from the park, i punch in the code again, hit enter and step back. as soon as it starts, i look around to see bella, spidey arm at work again, with a concentrated look on her face. when it gets to the top, she looks at me and grins.

spidey powers. i have a super baby.

there is one other life she may or may not have lived before coming to reside with boring old us. the life of a rap video dancer.

if we watched tv, other than handy manny and mickey mouse, i might be a little afraid that i have corrupted my daughter. alas, these talents she has procured on her own.

we're in the bathroom (because she follows me in there. every. time.), and to keep her from unraveling the entire roll of toilet paper, i sing her favorite songs. choo-choo soul, dance-a-lot robot. you know, stuff worthy of a grammy. plus? my rendition? flawless. i digress.

"come on and dance a lot, with the robot, named dance a lot......come on and move a lot....."

as i belt out my lovely tune ~~that is now stuck in your head~~, she starts dancing. and shaking her booty. hands on the wall, hips just a shakin' as fast as her little body can move. and then she starts crossing her feet, one in front of the other, as she shakes and twists.

so, rap video dancer is definitely on the list of previous lives. because i most certainly do not dance like that. nor have i ever.

i'm not sure what she see's in us, but she doesn't complain too much about the doldrums of her present life. she may have also been a mother, because often, while i am sitting on the floor, she walks up to me, hugs me around my arms and pats my back. then she leans over, kisses me and runs off.

she clearly leads a life of fabulosity.

that little booty shaking, spidey power using, tongue clicking, sweet sweet girl. she makes my day.

it's comical tuesdays

2011-03-15T08:00:00.001-04:00

my life is comical.

and sometimes words aren't enough.

and i never seem to have a camera when things get really hairy.

but i do have a pretty ~~wiggitywack~~ awesome memory.

{it's comical tuesday's presents}

vacuuming the house

room update: bella's play nook becomes a reading nook

2011-03-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

i don't like using rooms for their intended purpose. most of the time. so our eat in kitchen became a play area for bella when we moved in. in my mind, she would quietly and peacefully play on the 10x4 foam mat while i cooked, cleaned and enjoyed ~~drinking bottles of wine~~ all activities domestic goddesses enjoyed.

only, i'm learning that i'm not all that domesticated. aka i don't really like spending all my time cooking and cleaning.

and bella does not sit quietly and play. she runs like a mad woman all around the house, throwing toys from the play area into the bathroom, and books from her room under the dining room table.

so that plan back fired.

my new idea of awesomeness was a reading nook which ~~i always said we should have~~ was my husbands idea.

whole room view, pre art

wall art. the chalkboard is temporary, the "READ" sign i made. we're hanging that sign. eventually.

letters waiting to be glued, and bella's play area and bird mobile

it still has a little bit to go before it's complete. my next project is getting a little table and a small bookcase to add in somewhere.

mama kat's writers workshop: friends

2011-03-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

i've talked before about how the military life has caused us to move a lot. it's no secret. we move every 3-4 years. i realized in college that this situation could, put simply, suck. i had made some of the closest friends i could imagine, and then i realized that i would be moving half a globe away from them. and then? in 4 more years? i would do it again. i decided then, in my absolution of youth and knowledge, that i would simply never open my heart to anyone and wouldn't make any friends.

only, that never works. because i am a big open-upper. BIG TIME. and also? i really like having friends. so i made a few. some of the best friends ever. we laughed, we cried, we did really awesome stuff. there was one in particular that helped me through some of the hardest stuff i had faced. and then we said goodbye.

now when we moved, i had new resolve. now, i want to make as many friends as possible. only, we are going to a base that deploys a lot, with not a lot of spouses my age, and i had a new baby.

enter my friend, t.

she has 3 boys, 2 in high school. her husband works with my husband. they did the baby thing. they are now on to the high school thing. but we keep running into them, and we keep having awesome conversations. so we start to hang out. and they are just like us. FUN! (i'm not delusional one bit. we are pretty awesomely fun people.)

we go camping, we go geocaching, we go swimming, we do all sorts of fun, awesome stuff with this family. her husband deploys, and we hang out constantly. then joel deploys, and leaves me here with a brand new baby, and t is by my side the whole time. then our husbands come back and we do more fun stuff. then joel deploys and i have to move. the baby, 2 dogs, and a 3 bedroom apartment +a storage shed full of stuff. by myself. in 3 days. i ask t. because she is my closest friend. the one i trust the most. i hate asking for help. and she understands that. and she brings her boys and she comes over.

t, her 2 teenagers, and me. 3 days. it was amazing. and hard. but we did it. and then i had to go to florida to help my mom. and i left my house-boxes everywhere, lots of cleaning needing to be done, rooms to be painted. i worried for most of the time i was in florida, because there was SO much to do before joel got home.

i decided to come back a day early. i knew i would need lots of time. and with a baby? i would need even more (plus maybe a small army.....) i got home late that night, maybe around midnight. i walked in my house and........

::speechless::

there were no boxes. there were no paint cans. there were things hanging on walls. the ugly wallpaper that plagued the dining room? gone. the room, now painted perfectly, as i had imagined. my kitchen? painted, even down to the chalkboard for bella. pots and pans put away, towels folded and put away. bella's nursery? set up. everything.

for a minute i just stood in my kitchen. crying big crocodile tears. i was tired, i was overwhelmed, and i had nothing to do but go to bed. my friend, t, had done. it. all.

then there was this weird feeling that came over me. embarrassment? a little. i had never had a friend who did something so huge, so selfless, for me. i have had some amazing friends and they have done a lot for me, but this was on a whole different level. an extreme makeover, home edition level. i'm unworthy of that kind of friendship. i have done nothing to deserve that thoughtfulness. i was a good friend, sure. a good friend. not a great one. my attention was focused on my baby and my husband and my mom and my sister and my dad and.......not on my friend. in that moment, i was scared. i was afraid i would lose that wonderful friend. i could never repay her for the thing she had done. and now we were uneven. i felt like i would always owe her this huge favor that i could never repay.

a few weeks went by. we hung out a few times, and i started to realize that she didn't want me to repay her. she just wanted to be my friend. she. wanted. to. be. MY. friend. she didn't care if i never repaid the favor.

{i don't usually get "religious" on here. but people?

is that not the most amazing parallel to the gospel?

God loves us, forgives us, and sacrifices His Son for us.

and all he wants is us. nothing we can do. nothing we can give.}

my friend has this uncanny ability to serve. that is her gift. what a weighty but precious gift it is, too. the ability to give of ones self without receiving anything in return. she is strong, willing and able. and she gives happily. it often leaves me speechless.

and again, i am blessed to have made such an awesome friend. that i will move away from in one year. but it will not be goodbye. just as i have moved from other friends and not said goodbye.

this post has been brought to you by mama kat's writers workshop where the prompt was,

Write about a time a friend left you speechless.

wordless wednesday: it's the climb

2011-03-09T10:51:00.000-05:00

{note: i did not put that basket there. nor did i pull out those drawers.}

{cloth diaper}confession

2011-03-08T15:12:00.000-05:00

i have a confession.

we have been on hiatus from cloth diapering.

holywha!?omg?!?!

yeah, right. i'm sure that's what most of you are thinking. more likely, you're probably thinking, "who cares?". but i have had a hard time admitting this. we have been on our break for about 4 weeks. though, it seems like a lot longer.

we encountered some bacterial buildup in some of the diapers we use the most, and i tried EVERYTHING to strip them, but bella's rash was so wicked that she would wake up screaming at night, and it didn't make sense to see my daughter in so much pain that was unnecessary (she only did this 2 nights....i didn't let it go on long). so we switched until i could get it fixed. we have been going about half and half-i bought some new diapers, and threw those in the mix of the ones that didn't seem to bother her, and would cloth diaper one day, then use sposies the next, while i did laundry. we are transitioning back to total cloth now, but i have learned quite a bit about my role as a mother and some of my insecurities through this experience.

1. taking a break is not failure. this was hard for me. when i decided to cloth diaper, i researched a lot and made an informed decision. i met a LOT of resistance. mostly, passive aggressive resistance in the form of, "that will never last" or "i don't see you doing that for long". when we switched, i was afraid to admit to many of these people that we were in disposables, because i didn't want to admit failure. because i knew that "we didn't give up. we are just doing it temporarily." would warrant responses along the lines of, "yeah right. you'll never go back". i didn't want to admit my failure and watch as the world laughed at me. but i realized that it's not about success or failure as a parent. so something you felt passionate about didn't work out, or isn't working in the moment. the important thing is that the child's best interest is put first.

2. just because you want something to work, doesn't mean it will. it also doesn't mean that it has to. it's a matter of balance. with every decision we make i ask 3 questions:

1-is it good for bella?

2-is it good for me/the family?

3-is it good for our environment (mother nature/our budget, etc.)?

if the answer to all 3 questions is yes, then we will do it. it might still be challenging. these questions aren't disqualified by obstacles. but if they benefit all of us, then we try our best to proceed. in this case, the cloth were not benefiting bella-she had a painful rash that couldn't be treated or made to go away that kept her up all night and it didn't benefit us-bella was up all night. so we stopped until things got better and were figured out..

3. most of the time, the only people who care about my decisions are those impacted directly. bella, joel, me. and consequently, these are the only opinions that should weigh heavily in my decisions. i have tried so hard to do things (my whole life) the right way. being a mother and choosing an alternative way to raise my child is teaching me that sometimes the right way, is not always the best way. just because it's the "right" way to do something, it doesn't mean it's best for our family and our situations. i need to let go of that pride that makes me want to be right.

i needed to air this laundry, so to speak. i have been way to caught up with not wanting to fail, that i literally had a back-and-forth in my mind at each diaper change.

we are getting back into the full swing, but it's not entirely easy-squishy poopy diapers are definitely easier to deal with when you don't have to deal with them.....

which brings me to my final point, having a great wet bag can make all the difference. going back to cloth means going back to poop being flushed. bella doesn't have solid poop. (i am so sorry future bella. hopefully there will be an internet revolution and everything printed before you are 16 will disappear. ~~that will never happen~~ assuming that doesn't happen, i apologize. and this won't be the last thing i do that embarrasses you. i promise.) so we need sprayers. but when you are changing a very squishy, very poopy diaper in public, sprayers are not always handy. that's where my new snuggy baby wet bag comes into play. i took that stinky diaper along with me for almost 8 hour in the wet bag, and it sat in there for another few once we were home until i could take care of it. i did a sniff test right before i opened it and I. SMELLED. NOTHING. i kid you not. plus also? it's super cute.

if you are in the market for a new wet bag, head over there now and use the discount code: justanotherdayinparadise for 10% off now through march 15th.

silver and gold, my friends. silver and gold

2011-03-06T14:28:00.000-05:00

i've been looking at pictures on facebook from friends i had in high school and college. i see them hanging out with other people i was friends with. doing fun stuff i used to do with those same people.

sometimes, i let my mind drift to thoughts toeing the line of, "what if...."

what if joel wasn't in the military.......

what if, after we got married, we had stayed in charlotte......

we would be going to the lake on weekends, going to places we loved, with people we had known for forever. or would we?

i snap myself back to reality.

we aren't in charlotte. we joined the military and moved away right after college. we aren't around familiar people. we meet new people everyday, because everyone around us is new to us. we have a lot of things still in boxes, because we move too often to really unpack and settle in.

but i don't hate that lifestyle. and who's to say i would like living in the same place for the rest of my life?

i have friends all around the globe. i have been exposed to a plethora of different lifestyles and social classes. i've seen some off the poorest of the poor, and some of the richest of the rich. it's still relatively early in our miltary career, so while we have been to a lot of interesting places, there are lots more coming our way.

and the friends.

the friends, i couldn't buy. i couldn't imagine. i couldn't believe.

some people have the same friends their whole lives. they live and die in the same places. i used to long for that type of life. part of me still does. but the longer i live in this life, the more i am certain that i was made for it. moving around can be isolating. just as you begin to feel comfortable somewhere, your world is turned upside down and you have to start all over. if you look at it that way.

the other side of the coin? you get to make great friends, and then go on a new adventure, staying in contact with some and making more. it's a unique opportunity to see what the world has to offer. to take in different cultures and different lifestyles. to be exposed to different ways of life and different ideas. i'm not sure you can pay for this experience.

must haves: spring edition

2011-03-03T08:00:00.007-05:00

this warm weather has me itching for spring! yesterday, the high here was in the 80's, and today it's supposed to be in the 70's. so in honor of warmer weather, and because online window shopping is way less work than real window shopping, here are my spring must haves:

how super cute is this!? from mcauleys unique boutique

i might wear this every single day. from athleta

new sperry's, because mine are way too old. and these are way too adorable.

some of these lovelies, from twenty five design

new keens, since lola ate mine. and since the weather is so nice,
we have 3 camping trips planned over the next 3 months.
definitely a must!

bella's must haves, for the cutest baby in yous life!

bella loves her rompers and ruffles monogrammed shirt.

some super durable keens for camping all summer,
and looking cute while playing at the park!

a new bathing suit for catching ~~boys~~ rays, from kelly's kids

bella can't wait to wear this too cute outfit, from gymboree

And just what every fab toddler prepping for
deployment needs, her very own daddy doll.

this post is brought to you by mama kat's writers workshop where she asked for my top 10 "must haves" for this spring!

top ten with sluiter nation

2011-03-01T15:29:00.000-05:00

it's top 10 tuesday over at sluiter nation. each week, katie posts a top ten topic, inspired by david letterman, himself.

this week, it's top 10 guilty pleasures. usually, people make no apologies for their guilty pleasures. i will probably find myself wringing my hands after this, in hopes that joel doesn't find it and then bans me from being home during the day. but here goes anyway:

10. spell check. i hate misspellings and grammatical errors. but my addiction to spell check has gotten ridiculous. while i was writing in my journal a few days ago, i found myself looking for the squiggly red line.....

9. dressing up bella. i do find a little too much joy in accessorising that child. i think she has a better wardrobe than i do, and she definitely has more shoes than joel and i have put together!

8. coffee in the morning.

7. slice it app for android. crack, that game. i can't put it down.

6. sabre hummus. it wouldn't be guilty if i ate it like a normal human being. meaning, a serving, 2 at most. no. i eat the whole. darn. thing.

5. eating junk food when joel is deployed/tdy. i swear, it's a good thing he doesn't go for longer than 6 months at a time, or i would be a WHALE when he came back. it's like i have no self control when he's gone. eesh. that's embarrassing.

4. target. it's disturbing, actually. i go for one or two things and end up buying way more. and then i feel all red faced and flushed when i leave, and sometimes i even go return stuff, i feel so bad. that is bad, isn't it. oh man...

3. online shopping. etsy. gymboree. pottery barn. pottery barn kids. pretty much, joel should put a lock on the computer. but i would find a way. i always find a way.

2. coffee shops. namely? starbucks. and while it is good, i only pick it because it is one of only 2 coffee shops in our little town. and the other one is too far. and this starbucks has a drive through.

1. facebook. the ultimate time waster of all time. ever. but it's oh so glorious in it's ability to allow me to have actual adult conversations that don't involve cleaning up poop and screaming, "don't put that in your mouth!". and only when bella is in bed. of course.

now that i wrote that out, i am a little ~~mortified~~ concerned. it seems like all i do is spend money and eat. and that sounds lazy. but really, i do other things! like blog! and cook! wait....

no apologies. no apologies....no....ap...olo...gi....essss......

breastfeeding: 3 truths and one lie

2011-02-28T14:21:00.000-05:00

i nursed bella for over a year. i am proud of myself. and i am proud of bella. but i learned a lot during that time. like, people don't really talk much about it except to ~~cram it down your throat~~ say that it is best and formula is "poison" (not my words). i am a breastfeeding advocate. i think, if you are able to, everyone should at least try. but i recognize not everyone has the option. if my situation was different, i can't say that i would have proceeded to nurse for an entire year.

many people spout rhetoric about how breast feeding is "natural" and that there is nothing better, but here's what they don't tell you....

truth #1- breastfeeding is hard. at first. it takes a finesse that is not in any way, shape, or form natural, to get a baby to latch right each time. yes, breastfeeding itself is a natural process, simply meaning there is nothing synthetic about it. but the art of breastfeeding, the actual physical act, does not come naturally. it can be overwhelmingly frustrating. in the early days, i would cry just thinking about the next feeding, and how hard it was going to be.

truth #2- breastfeeding is beneficial. do i need to expound on this? other than the nutritional part, which everyone seems to harp on, let me just say that at 2 am, then 4am, then 6 am, when bella would wake for feedings, if i had had to make a bottle each time? i may have hurt someone. sleep deprivation makes me crazy (as it does most people i know) and being able to feed her without fully waking up sometimes, saved my life. i kid you not. plus, knowing myself, had i needed to fix a bottle for the 3rd time at 2 am, there is no telling what would have made it in there. or what temperature it would have been.

truth #3-breastfeeding is hard. wait, i already said that one?? well, it's true. and i hate hearing that people quit or choose not to nurse just because it was too hard. i guess this stems from my frustration at people who get pregnant easily and didn't even want a baby. because there are people out there who want to nurse and can't, it seems unjust to me that there are people who are capable, but don't because it was too hard. (please don't confuse this with people who have issues like work, medications, illnesses, etc. i mean people who just say, i don't want to do it because it is too hard. period. end of statement.)

support systems are CRUCIAL to new mothers who think they may want to nurse. without one, it IS too hard. surrounding yourself with people who make you feel weird will only make it harder. surrounding yourself with people who are supportive, even if they don't fully understand it, will help make you feel like you are doing something important. and that's good. because you are.

a big fat lie: "breastfeeding should never hurt". on day 2 in the hospital, the lactation consultant came in and asked if i had any questions. i didn't but i did mention that i was sore from nursing. "breastfeeding should never hurt!" she insisted. over the next few weeks, i felt immense guilt that i was doing something wrong because it DID hurt. it hurt a lot. i remember a few times actually screaming out when bella latched because it hurt so badly. i kept feeling defeated. that i was doing something wrong. that i had failed because it hurt. and i feared that it would always hurt. i even threatened (myself) that i would never do this again. but then, slowly the pain subsided. eventually, it didn't hurt at all, and feeding bella became a joy, rather than a burden.

it has been decided

2011-02-27T14:04:00.000-05:00

and the winner is.....

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max:

Result:

7Powered by RANDOM.ORG

Jenn!! I have e-mailed you!

thanks to everyone who participated in this giveaway.

bella loves her rompers and ruffles shirt!

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we are out enjoying this beautiful day. i promise to come back this week with meaningful posts. probably. maybe. if it rains, most definitely.

happy sunday!

i wish i had a good excuse..

2011-02-25T15:07:00.000-05:00

i can't believe it has been almost an entire week since i have posted. i feel like i should have some amazing excuse, like i was in some remote tropical location that doesn't get 3g coverage or even cell phone service (hello, hawaii, right below my house....)

but i don't. pretty much i have done very little this week to warrant an excuse. except that it has been in the 70's almost every single day. and sunny. and perfect. so we have been outside getting our LIFE on.

last year, at this time, bella was so tiny, that i probably didn't go outside much, for fear that if i lay her down she may roll away and i would never even notice. but this year? the girl is on fire! she loves the outdoors. she runs, she falls, she rolls. i ask her, "bella, you want to go outside?" and she goes, "yep!" and runs to the door. as soon as she gets out of bed in the morning, she is chomping at the bit.

a couple of nights ago, we reserved our camping spot for our first camping trip of this year! last year, we went camping with her at the ripe old age of 5 months, and then again a month later. then we took her one more time, for good measure, right after she learned how to walk. with joels deployments to haiti and jordan, that was about all we could fit in during the warm months. this year, bella is in full blown small person mode-she can walk, run, stand up, sit down and practically swim, so i am a little nervous about taking her. the last time we went, she could just barely walk, but she was so slow, that she was pretty easy to catch when she did try to run off. she didn't really walk much, either, so i could sit her down and know that, 5 minutes later, she would probably still be there.

this year? i fear that if i look away for 1 second, she may be in the water. so in preparation, we decided to get her, her very own life jacket.

i'll sit right here, mom. now, where's the water?

i'm outta here.

we're pretty excited about trying this bad boy out. can't you tell??

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if you haven't entered yet, rompers and ruffles is giving away a cute onesie or t-shirt with the applique of your choice on it. if i could enter my own giveaway, i so would. but since i can't, YOU SHOULD!! bella will be getting her goodies any day now, and my heart is all a flutter with anticipation! giveaway ends feb 27th, at noon!! so get on it!

spring has sprung....for now

2011-02-21T17:49:00.000-05:00

this weekend has been fantabulous. upper 70's and sunny all 3 days. saturday we got up early and drove out to savannah to spend the afternoon with our good friends at tybee island and walking around downtown. sunday, we spent most of the day at the dog park with some other good friends and our combined 4 fur babies. and today, we spent all morning at the park and all afternoon in our back yard.

i love this weather. it reminds me of hawaii and the temperate climate. the first thing i said the day we landed in hawaii was, "i hope i never take this weather for granted". i missed the snow and the change of the seasons, but i loved how it was always hovering right around that blissful warmth.

being from north carolina, i know this weather won't last long. honestly, next week it could snow 2 feet and i would not be a bit surprised. and then after that? it will be 98 with 100% humidity. but for now, i am enjoying the beautiful, early spring and all the fun that comes along with it.

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i got some great pics of bella on her slide, and i am entering the "don't make me come up there" giveaway at we are that family.

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don't forget about the rompers and ruffles giveaway! ends feb 27th! if you haven't entered already, get on it!!

rompers and ruffles giveaway

2011-02-20T22:27:00.000-05:00

another giveaway. i know. but trust me on this one.

i met taylor in high school. we went to the same church, knew the same people, and she was pretty much the nicest person i had ever met.

through the glory of facebook, after probably 7 years, we crossed paths again, when she had her first baby, parker-a cutie patootey little man with a face you can't resist. she had made all of his bedding and curtains in his nursery, and comments littered her pictures about how she MUST sell her stuff.

then, she recently found out she was having a little girl, and a whirlwind of martha stewarting began. i don't even think that really encompasses all of the creating that has been taking place. again, people commented, almost each poster mentioning something along the lines of blahblah!!ETSY!!blah!

so when taylor said she was going into business with her friend to start making baby stuff, i was like, duh! it's about time!!

and so began rompers and ruffles.

i love all things monogrammed and appliquéd for babies. and i love how personalized outfits become when you add that special touch of handmade. so, i asked taylor if i could help advertise for her by hosting a giveaway.

people? you will not be disappointed!

go. check them out.

what did i tell you?

what's even better? this isn't just another handmade shop. a portion of all of their proceeds go to the levine children's hospital, where taylor's son, parker was born, 8 weeks premature. he weighed a whopping 3 pounds 10 ounces. i can't even imagine that, as bella was more than twice that size. he stayed in the NICU for 4 weeks and is now a healthy, happy little boy! they do great work there, and rompers and ruffles is giving back to them. it's a win-win. you can read a little more about that, and how rompers and ruffles started, here.

so here is the giveaway part. taylor has offered one lucky reader the chance to win the appliqué of their choice on a short sleeved onesie or t-shirt, just in time for all this warm weather!

this would be my pick:

or maybe this one:

no wait.....i like this one!

ooh and sometimes i wish i had a boy, because how cute is this!?

and this!?

{giveaway rules}

one comment per entry. there are several chances to enter, but you must leave a separate comment for each one.

leave your e-mail address in at least one of your entries.

{mandatory entry}

go to rompers and ruffles and browse through their appliqué selection. come back here and tell me which one you would choose to go on a short sleeved onesie or t-shirt

that's it. easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

{extra entries}

follow me, and let me know you did (+1 entry)

"like" this blog on facebook, and leave a comment telling me you did (+1 entry)

"like" rompers and ruffles on facebook, and leave a comment (+1 entry)

tweet this: "@this_isparadise and rompers and ruffles want your kid to look cute! enter to win an appliquéd onesie or t for your little one! ends feb 27" and leave your twitter handle in a comment (+1 entry)

follow @this_isparadise on twitter, and leave your handle in a comment (+1 entry)

purchase anything from rompers and ruffles, and let me know you did (+3 entries-separate comment for each)

that's a lot of entry opportunities, so get to it! giveaway ends 27 feb at 12pm. i will draw the winner randomly through random.org and contact them within 24 hours of the end of the giveaway.

mama kat's writers workshop: my husband makes me proud.

2011-02-17T09:31:00.000-05:00

one of mama kat's writing prompts this week is "husbands. a post that will hopefully not get you in trouble"

i like to complain about my husband. mostly because, well....he is just so darn....husband-like. you know the type-clueless. forgetful. so much like a 16 year old boy that you sometimes forget you are not his mother?

i was going to tap out this lovely little ditty about how he woke up at 6am to go turn on the blender, subsequently waking me AND the tiny terrorist that resides on the other side of the house. or maybe i would recycle this gem from when he was forgetful (one of the MANY times).

but as i was drafting what i would say, i changed my mind. so, here is what i think about my husband.

------------------------------

joel,

there are plenty of husbands who are the bread winners for their families. they wake early, come home late, working hard all day to provide a life for their families, allowing their wives to stay home with their children. that doesn't make you unique.

what makes you special, what makes me proud, is not that you do, it's what you do.

you are a smart man. when we were in college, i have this distinct memory of you never studying. we would walk to class, then meet up a few hours later after classes were over, and go eat, or go hang out with friends, go to a movie, go to a club meeting or a coffee shop. a park, or the pool. but never once do i remember you cracking a book. i would come upstairs to hang out and you would be playing video games or tinkering with some electronic thing. or goofing off with some of the guys on the floor. but not studying.

when you told me that if you didn't pass our ballroom dance class, you wouldn't graduate, i assumed it was because your other classes were lacking, and that, indeed, this class would be a make or break class for you. it made sense, since you never studied. but then when grades came in and you graduated with a 3.85 CUMULATIVE, i thought maybe there was an error on your transcript. or maybe you misrepresented yourself.

you graduated in four years, which seems, in this day, an oddity. you scored a 98 on your asvab. you have a degree in computer science, and a masters in IT management. it seems that you could do whatever you choose with your life, and you would be wildly successful in whatever arena you choose.

but that's not why i married you.

while many people your age were "finding themselves" and enjoying their college years to the fullest extent, you made a commitment to serve your country. you could have joined a fraternity or done internships for some big money making company. but you chose a route that would undoubtedly be less lucrative, but would challenge you and force you to put service before self. on. the. daily.

while many college students were sleeping off a hangover, you were up before the sun, working out and keeping yourself "fit to fight".

while most people floundered through the first semesters of school, failing a couple of classes, switching majors 4 times (ahem....not me. someone else i know......), trying to figure out what they want to do, you decided a major, stuck with it, and excelled at it.

you work hard. just like millions of other people. but in your off time, you go deliver meals with meals on wheels. you volunteer your time helping kids. you volunteer at animal shelters (all with your lovely wife, of course). you could rest on your laurels, knowing you're off the clock. but even in your off time, you want to help other people.

you sacrifice birthdays. anniversaries. family vacations. eventually, maybe births of children. all for people you have never met, some of whom don't agree with what you do, so they can speak out (sometimes against you), so they can protest (sometimes at your fallen comrades funerals), so they can be free (sometimes as they attempt to take the freedoms of others). you leave your family behind, so that theirs are safe. and you chose to do this, knowing that you would face opposition.

this is why i married you (one of the many reasons). this is what makes me so proud of you. there are others who do less, who are compensated more. but there is a sense of pride that you carry with you.

i am proud to be your wife. i am proud of the life we have built. and i am proud of the father you are and will be.

i love you.

my dog is nasty. and this is not about valentines day

2011-02-14T15:39:00.000-05:00

dear lola,

you? are disgusting.

you may be the nastiest dog i have ever known. those tasty morsels you are sneaking out of that giant bucket in the laundry room? are. not. chocolate.

you are eating poop.

i have heard of dogs eating other dogs poop. some instinctual thing about being dominant, blah, blah, blah. whatever. you are not covering tracks here. you are just eating poop.

i admit, i feed the kid some pretty awesome stuff. but i am pretty sure that everything remotely yummy about what she eats, is sucked out of that food before it gets to your mouth.

don't tell me that it's an accident. you have to work too hard to get them out of the pail for it to be an accident. and, personally? when i accidentally eat something disgusting? i usually try not to repeat it. ev. er.

the next time you mosey up to me with your butt breath? prepare to be shunned. because momma don't kiss poop eaters.

love, mommy.

-------------------------------

dear mommy,

i ate poop.

and i liked iiiiit.

love, lola.

giveaway winner

2011-02-11T14:30:00.001-05:00

and the winner is........

#4-Taylor!!

congrats to you, and thank you to everyone who entered in the drawing!

winner was chosen via random.org*

---------------------------

today, we took bella up to story time in macon with her friend nicholas. they heard a beautiful story about giving hugs and then we colored pictures for our valentines! bella colored hers for her daddy.

for some reason, with all the fun activities there were today, bella and nicholas wanted to climb in and out of these chairs and play with this strange toy.....

silly babies.

my funny valentines.

2011-02-10T14:16:00.001-05:00

an {extra}ordinary day

2011-02-10T09:33:00.000-05:00

i hear you calling.

the lights getting more intense.

you are wide awake.

we stay in jammies,

snuggled up with our waffles,

cold knocking outside.

mickey and manny,

names i never thought i'd know,

not like this anyway.

target becomes respite

from the mundane everyday,

daddy is not pleased.

playgroups, mommy friends,

going on adventures, too.

this is my new life.

fun is my new life.

i take this seriously.

you're only small now.

for a short, short, while.

i eat it up completely.

taking you all in.

just before your nap,

daddy makes it home for lunch.

his arms wide open.

your bright eyes light up,

like you have missed him so much,

like you are surprised.

we eat, play, us three

happy little family.

it can't get better.

it will get better.

as you grow, i watch in awe.

each milestone, great.

tomorrow is new.

and it goes by so quickly.

i try to freeze time.

each day quickly past.

my baby will soon grow up.

but today? i love.

this lovely haiku brought to you by

where i generated a random prompt and was asked to:

write a haiku describing what you love about an ordinary day.

sometimes, i get real.

2011-02-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

i've been kind of fluffy lately. fluffy and absent.

i have so much running through my crazy brain but i am trying to wait for the right time to say the right things. i'm pretty sure if i wait too long i may forget what i have to share.

i have a struggle. i've talked about it before, here and here. i suffer from pcos and/or unexplained infertility. the doctors can't agree. but as of 3 weeks ago, it's clinical pcos (poly cystic ovary syndrome).

when i wrote about it last time, it was the end of september. we had officially been trying for about 3 months. i knew it was a long shot, but i thought i was pregnant. i hoped i was pregnant.

but i wasn't. obviously.

people assured me that after having a child, sometimes your body "fixes itself". but it didn't. i kept waiting for the fix. i kept waiting for it to just happen, naturally. like "normal" women.

joel kept telling me to go to the doctor, we know what worked last time, so i should just go through the same steps. i agreed. i told him i would make an appointment. monday. first thing.

but i never did. i was afraid. afraid that i would make the appointment and go in and i would be told i had to wait again. or had to go through more tests. or had to see "specialists" and take lots of medicines that i didn't know enough about. i was afraid that they would tell me i shouldn't get pregnant right now. or that i couldn't get pregnant ( i know, i know, why would they tell me that? but my imagination is very active).

i put it off, week after week, just hoping that i would wind up pregnant and wouldn't have to worry about it. wouldn't spend days believing i was, only to find out 8 weeks later that my body had, once again, deceived me. it was a cruel game i played with my mind.

then, in january, i decided to take control of the game. i made an appointment, and i went in. i had to go on base first, to get a referral to a specialist (hoop #1). then, of course i had to go to the lab and get a pregnancy test, just to be sure (hoop #2. and negative, in case you were wondering), then i got a referral, found a provider and made an appointment. (hoop #3)

the day of my appointment, i was nervous. i had no idea what to expect. my mind raced as i sat in the waiting room, an older couple sitting across from me, and a young girl, maybe 16, sitting with her dad behind me.

my mind went to that dark place of, "how unfair. she didn't even want to be pregnant. she can't even handle a baby. here i am, trying, able, capable, responsible........". i snapped back to reality. this poor girl. she didn't want to be pregnant. her whole life, changed in an instant. but what i would give to have her "burden".

it sounds strange, maybe even a little mean. but when you follow all the steps, when you do things "the right way", when you plan and pray and save, and then things don't happen like they should, it's hard not to be a little bitter. a little resentful. but i told myself, self? you are so blessed already. you have a beautiful baby. an awesome husband. a good life. you are loved and you know how to love. stop being envious. your time will come. when He says it's time. it will be.

some form of this has become my mantra. each day, i remind myself of how much i have been blessed with. how much has been put in my keep. how much i have to be grateful for.

they called me back into the exam room, and we went over my charts and talked. she reassured me. she was on board with my plan. "let's make you a baby!" she told me, at the end of our meeting.

no tests.

no doubts.

no worries.

----------------------------------

if you haven't yet, check out the hidden in my heart doll giveaway! only 2 more days!!!

i don't know what makes bowls so super......

2011-02-07T15:26:00.000-05:00

super. bowl. get it? moving on.....

we hosted a party at our place. we didn't have a vested interest in either team, but i like parties and food. and football. and food. (this may explain why my baby weight is still hanging around)

those wings? yumm. meee. and a very important part of our game day.

this picture is blurry, but that big screen? yeah, that's how we roll.

----------------------------------

make sure you enter for a chance to win the hidden in my heart giveaway! 4 days left!

my, my how the time does fly

2011-02-05T14:24:00.000-05:00

a year ago, joel was in haiti. i can't believe it's been that long. but one year ago, this week, he left for a support mission to haiti, leaving his just 7 weeks old baby, to go save other babies and mommies and daddies.

i went to stay with my family for help and support (and if we are being honest, so i would have someone to talk to). it made the time fly by. and it was a fun bonding time for me and bella. i remember those days so fondly. i didn't have a moment of panic or breakdown until bella was almost 10 months old (at which point she embarked on a "drive mommy mad" campaign. those were dark days). we would snuggle together in the bed, and early each morning she would wake up, cooing and smiling at me. i missed her daddy like you can't imagine. i missed that he wasn't getting to see this. that he wasn't getting to experience this.

we took bella and her cousin taylor, who was about 9 months old then, to get their pictures made. we didn't get many good shots, and i hate studio places. especially chain studio places. but we went to one because it was last minute and it was cold outside and we just wanted to get their pictures made.

these may have been the best shots from the group. i didn't like our photographer. i wasn't happy with these pictures or the way they were posed. i didn't like these pictures (can you tell??).

but i am glad we had them done. it preserved a moment. that's what pictures are for anyway, right? and when i look at them, part of me scoffs at the experience, but part of me remembers very clearly that day-it was rainy and cold and early. and i remember that week. and i remember my tiny little bella.

one year later. we went home a couple of weeks ago to have our delayed christmas. we decided to get the girls pics made again. this time, i found out that a friend of mine in the area was a photographer (actually, several of them are, and they are amazing, and it was hard to pick one!) and so i asked her to take the girls pictures this time.

the cd came in the mail today and i was so excited, i tore the package open and stuck it right in my computer.

amazing, no???? my, how our little girls have grown.

he's deploying

2011-02-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

joel came home the other day, bursting at the seams to tell me something.

"i found out about my deployment."

my initial response? ::stone faced::

"uh, huh? ok, what's that mean?"

see, i knew he was deploying in the next cycle. i mean, it was definitely his time. when he got this job, it was with the understanding that he would be deployed. a lot. we will have been here 2 years this summer and he has only gone on 2 deployments, both less than 3 months in length. haiti, for relief (which was incredibly rewarding, but i think emotionally difficult), and jordan (which ended up being more of a vacation, taking him to all kinds of awesome historical spots).

"well, i got a date. and a place. but i can't talk about it" he informs me, all casually.

"uh, huh? ok, what's that mean?" i repeat.

"um, babe. i can't talk about it."

"uh, huh? what's that mean?"

"are you listening to me!? i can't talk about it. but here are my dates."

they are pretty far off.

"ooooh, whew. i thought you were leaving like, next week or something"

"nooo. noooo. oh, but i do leave for training first. and it's a few months long"

"which means..........so wait. not a few months off, then? you're leaving......like, soon."

"yep"

ok. alright. that's it. like i said, i KNEW he was leaving. but there were no dates. no times. no places. it was happening, but since we didn't know when or where, it wasn't really in my plane of existence. it wasn't real.

now it's real. and surprisingly? i am ok with it.

::gasp!! shock and horror!!::

"you're OK with your husband deploying for most of the year?!?!"

yes. i am. because this is what i signed on for when i married a man in uniform. i knew we were in war time. i knew he was commissioning into the military. and i knew the implications. and when i decided he was worth it? well, that's when i said, "yes". and i said yes to everything that entailed.

did i know everything i would experience? absolutely no way. but i vowed that, for better or for worse, i would love and support him.

here's the thing. it must be hard for him-leaving his wife and one year old. leaving convenience and entertainment. leaving friends and his dog. leaving a warm bed and safety and routine. i get to sleep in my bed, eat my fatty, too-big sized portions of comfort food, play with my ever changing child, and enjoy all of my modern conveniences. so why should i complain? will i miss him? abso-freakin-lutely. but i am sacrificing nothing compared to what he is giving up.

i am pretty independent, by nature. and i think that's something joel appreciates. he knows he doesn't have to worry about me, and that's one less thing he has on his plate. my job, as his wife, is to support him and make what he does, easier. and that's what i try to do.

deployments are never easy. it throws off routine and order. and right when you get settled into doing it on your own, they come back, and there is a NEW adjustment period. but when you marry someone in uniform, you have to know that's what you are getting in to.

------------------------------------

make sure you go check out the hidden in my hearts doll giveaway!! just a few more days!! giveaway ends 11 february!

let me clarify.

2011-02-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

i keep rewriting this. then i read something and i get a new perspective, and i rewrite it again. here's what i want to say.....

don't judge me, monkey. i make choices. we all do. and i live with my choices. you don't. so why do you need to tell me i'm silly? why do you need to make me feel like i am doing something radical? i am a mom, and i have mom struggles, and i have person struggles. i'm unsure of a lot of things, but one thing i am not unsure of is that when i make a decision, it's mine. i own it. i stand by it. you may be right. and i may be crazy.

but baby, being a lunatic is what gets you through sometimes.

i won't get into details, because that's not important, but something i have learned is that the best thing to do for someone, is support them. whatever their decision is. if you love someone, you support them. clearly, self destructive behavior is not good. and if someone else is going to be hurt by a decision you are making, someone should intervene. BUT my decisions effect me, my husband, and my child, and so long as they are happy and healthy, i could give a rat's hind end about what you think.

and i say that with all the love my heart can muster.

this comes out of something silly. nothing serious, or rash. just comments made by individuals who think they are being helpful, when in reality, their comments are like swords. and they hurt. and they are WILDLY unnecessary.

my analytical mind has a hard time letting things go, as you can tell. if i don't say something in a moment, i toss the statement around, chew on it a bit, think about what i SHOULD have said, get angry over why it was said, start thinking about the intention of the statement, make up some kind of meaning behind it that most likely isn't there, and then i get my feelings hurt.

i don't do that all of the time, or most of the time, but when i feel strongly about something, that is, in fact, exactly what i do.

so, keep your criticisms of my decisions to yourself, unless they bother you. but be prepared for me to tell you why you're wrong. but you may be right. and i may be crazy.

that is all. we will now return you to your normal "my-baby-farts-rainbows" programming. have a nice day!

i am offended

2011-02-01T13:37:00.000-05:00

i have been offended.

on facebook, someone makes a comment that is political or religious, that opposes how i feel. i am offended.

in the grocery store, someone smacks her young child and calls him stupid. i am offended.

driving, someone cuts me off, then flips me the bird. i am offended.

on twitter, someone tweets that they are letting their baby cry all night, whether he likes it or not. i am offended.

at a gathering, someone i barely know criticizes my way of parenting, spouting "facts" out of ignorance. i am offended.

on flickr, someone shares a picture of their 4 month old in a carseat, on top of an atv. i am offended.

on the news, someone's 2 year old gets out of her house at 12:30 in the morning and almost gets hit by a bus. i am offended.

at church, someone makes an asinine comment directed towards a controversial topic. i am offended.

i am offended by laziness, by apathy, by ignorance, by hate, by judgement.

do i disconnect? turn off the computer and the tv? never go out in public? stop reading the newspaper?

do i speak up? do i become "that woman" who always is complaining about something someone said or did? or put myself in the middle of an argument?

do i keep it to myself? let things boil and fester, until i can't take it anymore and blow up at some unsuspecting passerby in line at the post office?

i am sure i have offended someone. by my words, by my action, by my in-action. i apologize.

my mind is buzzing with topics i want to address in a forum that is my own. this blog. but fear overtakes me half way through, and i can't put the words to (virtual) paper. i don't want to offend someone unknowingly. there are people i love who say things i don't love, and while this is MY space, they visit it.

sometimes it's fun to be all shallow and superficial, and pretend that my child poops rainbows. that i have it together, and i am always happy. but sometimes i am offended. my feelings get hurt and i say nothing or do nothing, right up until my heart feels like it will split at the seams. i want so badly to defend myself and my choices, sometimes, so much so that i cannot discern between defending myself and screaming "YOU ARE WRONG!"

how do i say what i want to say, without the repercussion it may carry?

if you blog publicly, how do you choose what to keep quite about and what to defend? even if you don't blog, what makes you stand up for one thing, but not another?

the sun'll come out, tomorrrow

2011-01-29T11:54:00.000-05:00

yesterday, it was 68 degrees. and at first, i did not know what to do with myself. because, hello.....it's january. according to the seasons, it's WINTER. you hear that mother nature?? winter=cold. 68 degrees? does not equal cold.

i'm not complaining. it was a beautiful day. so we put on our play clothes and packed a little lunch and bella and i headed off to the park.

parks with one year olds? are not that exciting. parks with ONE one year old? down right boring*.

listen, i love being outside as much as the next outdoorsy gal. and yesterday, the sun on my skin could not have felt better. but people? we were at a playground full of some of the coolest equipment i've seen (it's been a while, i admit) and bella wanted to play with rocks.

we have rocks in our back yard. i did NOT just pack you up with all our crap and drive to this park for you to play with rocks. go get on that teeter totter!

clearly we need other children to play with.

but the slide was fun. the slide is always fun.

today, it's supposed to be 70. we'll be headed to the park again today, because next week? it will probably snow. or something equally ridiculous.

*i clearly don't think ANYTHING my child does is boring. my phone has about a bajillion pictures of her playing with rocks......

-----------------------------

be sure to check out the hidden in my heart doll giveaway! ends february 11th!!

hidden in my heart review and giveaway

2011-01-28T13:44:00.000-05:00

i love handmade.

more than that? i love QUALITY handmade. and i LOVE finding unique, beautiful , funky things. they make great gifts and are the perfect way to say "i'm thinking about you".

december and january were big months for us-we had lots of birthdays and, of course, there was christmas....

so i needed some great gifts for some sweet little babies.

enter,

hidden in my heart dolls.

kiley, the creator of hidden in my heart dolls, makes the cutest, most well made dolls i have ever seen. and bella had to have one. i ordered one for bella and one for each of my nieces. i was able to personalize each doll to look like the girls, with little piggies and bangs.

bella loves her bella baby, which is what we call her doll. she carries her around by the arm, hugs her, kisses her, and most recently tries to put socks on her. it's entertaining at the very least.

bella loves her bella baby. just like her momma.

kiley is a stay at home mom, who hand makes all of the dolls and accessories. she just started making extra fun things for the dolls too, like cloth diapers, and dresses, and hair bows! oh my!

why does she call the "hidden in my heart" dolls?

this is bella's message on her doll.

and now? you are so lucky. because kiley is giving away one doll to a lucky reader!! enter now for your chance to win this doll

her heart message says:

entering is easy!

mandatory entry:

*leave a comment with your e-mail address telling me why you love handmade!

extra entries:

*follow my blog (+1 entry)

*"like" hidden in my heart dolls on facebook (+1 entry)

*"like" me on facebook (+1 entry)

*tweet about this giveaway linking it back here. be sure to leave your

twitter handle in the comment. (+1 entry)

*share my blog on facebook (+1 entry)

be sure to leave your e-mail address in at least one of the comments, so i know who to contact, and each entry must be a separate comment.

giveaway will end 11 february at 12 noon est

insecure

2011-01-24T15:37:00.000-05:00

I was 7.

I had big feet and I ran slowly and disjointedly, my upper half going much faster than my lower half. I had long arms and a short torso and I was uncoordinated.

I tried hard. I wanted to be good.

I was insecure.

I was 10.

To play the position I wanted, I had to race my best friend to it. She was faster than I was, but I wanted it more. I'm pretty sure she let me win. I played by default.

and I was insecure.

I was 13.

Everyone was older then I was, better than I was. They had all played together for forever. They moved as a unit. I got cut. I worked hard all summer. The next year, I tried again. the coach told me he let me make the team because he felt bad I hadn't made it before.

And I was insecure.

I was 14.

I wanted to make varsity. People told me I wasn't good enough. But I tried hard.and I made it. Varsity as a freshman. I worked hard. I ran hard. I wasn't fast but I pushed myself. Every day. Hard.

And I was good.

But I was insecure.

I was 18.

My parents had just divorced and I was on my own in a world full of pretty girls and the boys who chose them. I went to class and tried hard. I was top in my classes most semesters. But I went to parties and disappeared.

I was insecure.

I was 20.

I switched schools. I tried to fit in. I made friends with some shady people. Then I made new friends. I opened up in ways I never had. They accepted me. They loved me.

I was still insecure.

I was 25.

They brought her into my room and put her in my arms. I sat, my husband by my side, and nursed my new born baby. I held her hand and she held my heart. My baby. My husband. And me.

And I was secure.

and the winner is.......

2011-01-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

CAEDMEN!

you have been contacted. please, e-mail me back within 24 hours and we will get you your smartipants diaper!

thanks to everyone for entering!

i have no coherent thoughts, and we are going out of town tomorrow, so i have mucho cleaning to do. like, overhaul. gah. hopefully when i come back, i will have something worth reading.

hope everyone has an awesome weekend.

and yes. i am aware that it's only thursday.

the battle of the sippies: round 1: flip tops

2011-01-18T16:54:00.000-05:00

tommee tippee explora lil sippy flip top vs. nuby no spill mega flip it

tommee tippee

leakproof: 7

durability: 9

ease of use: 3

pro's

\very durable. double wall insulated, so it keeps milk cold for longer, whih is great on long outings.

con's

the flip top (bella can't open it herself), difficulty drinking (almost impossible after taking it apart to clean, it has to be put back just perfectly), not see through, the straw leaks when the water get's caught in the valve

nuby

leakproof: 8

durability: 4

ease of use:10

pro's

bella can open it, see through, the straw is very easy to use, valve keeps food from going back in the sippy,

con's

plastic is weak (broke after being dropped from the high chair), water gets caught in the valve and when you open it it splashes

and the winner is..........

this was a close race, but i think i am declaring the nuby the winner. bella can barely drink out of the tommee tippee, and really, that's the point, right?

saving a buck

2011-01-17T14:14:00.000-05:00

i love to save money. but i think the thrifty jean did not make it into my dna.

i don't necessarily spend a lot (my husband may try to argue otherwise. he's lying). i just don't usually get good deals on things. and it's not that i pay full price either. but if i think i am saving a buck?? well, that's all i need to know. places that mark stuff up by $2, only to mark it down $1.50? i think you know where i am going with this.

i. am. a. sucker.

so this weekend i was talking to my sister in law, and when i told her about my blog and all the great giveaways and discount codes that i love getting (shameless plug? maybe. but it really was a part of the conversation), she told me about how she shops.

backstory: my husbands family? the royal family of a good deal. i swear, they know how to get the best stuff and pay the least amount of money for it. i don't know how they do it. i have a theory they have a secret money saving radar planted in their heads......

my sister in law tells me, she regularly goes to the grocery store and comes home with $100 worth of groceries for $15. after i picked my jaw up off of the floor, i asked the great coupon swami to teach me her ways.

she swears it's simple. i assure her that for me? it will not be so. but she reassures me and tells me how she does it.

southern savers is her website of choice. they lay out the adds from several popular grocery stores in the southeast. i know there are tons of blogs and sites out there dedicated to helping busy mommas (and poppas) save a buck. this happens to be the one she uses. she tells me a few ins and outs, and a couple of hints, and sends me on my way.

so today, i decided to put my new found skills to the test. i have to admit, i was oddly excited about it. the thought of spending a little and getting a lot is intriguing.

first things first: i got my coupons in order. i hit up southern savers, the sunday paper coupons and a couple of brand sites, hit print and went in the other room to retrieve my coupons. road block numero uno. the printer is out of ink. ok, so there is $30 i won't be saving, but, have no fear! i have cell fire. i actually already had it, but had no idea what it did. but it was on the site, so i read a little about it, and come to find out, you can load ecoupons onto your kroger card before you go, and your savings are set from the start!

this is how i saved most of my money. but i had a few coupons too.

i gathered my list and coupons, and headed off to the store.

after all was said and done, i saved about $40. that doesn't seem like much to some of you more savvy shoppers i know. but for my first time, i was pretty stoked. some of my better deals:

after combining a store coupon and a manufacturers coupon, i got a free burt's bees lip balm
i saved $5 instantly by buying 10 frozen items, all of which were only $1 each, so it was like my frozen veggies were all $.50 each.
i got $5 off a bottle of tide stain release, making it a whopping $2.99
and i got an extra $5 off using a coupon that i didn't get the product with. this i totally did by accident. i meant to get it, then put it back, and forgot to take the coupon out of the pile. i swear.

it took me about an hour to go through all the clipping and printing and picking out, and i got several things that i probably wouldn't have normally bought. but we will use them, and they were so cheap, i can't really justify not doing it.

typically, when i go grocery shopping, i stick to the rule of the outside. 90% of my shopping is done around the outside (produce, meat, dairy, deli) and 10% is in the aisles (pastas, breads, cans) this trip, i think i did about 80% in the frozen section, 15% in the aisles and 5% in the outside. i got a lot of things i probably never would have gotten, but i did learn that now hamburger helper makes chicken dinners, and uses 100% whole wheat pastas. i still think it's garbage, but at least it's leaning towards healthier, and it's not bad, so long as we aren't eating it every single night. and for $1 a box, i can't complain.

and there are some things i will still buy, even though they are not cheap-organic milk, bella's food, and the chicken we use (purdue chicken, because it's hormone free and conveniently packaged). but, if i am saving so much money elsewhere, i think i am still ahead of the game.

things i have learned:

i need to get better organized. i had to keep making sure i hadn't dropped any coupons, and i turned around and went down the same aisles, several times
don't take bella. i had to break open a bag of cheese cubes just to get her to sit still long enough for me to check the numbers on the coupons.
do my "homework" once bella goes to sleep.

i'm pretty proud of myself. joel wasn't really ecstatic, though he was glad i saved a little bit. and christa? i hope i have made you proud.

there's yer sign!

2011-01-13T20:34:00.000-05:00

i assume you have heard that the zodiac signs have changed. apparently, ancient babylonians wanted a nice, lucky, round number of zodiac signs, so they just left one out.

well, welcome to the club orphiuchus. oh and by the way? this is bella's sign.

personally? i don't put much stock into zodiac signs and astrology and numerology and horoscopes. especially horoscopes. because, really, when i read them? they all fit me.

"you are in a time in your life where things are changing. learn from it." uh, duh. when are things not changing?

"you will come into a sum of money. spend it wisely" yes. payday is tomorrow. are you telling me NOT to go shopping for those new boots i really want?! dang it.

"Your insights are sharp with others and your surroundings but they are blind as a bat with yourself!" what does that even mean!?

horoscopes are so vague.

but the description of this new sign, bella's sign, seems so fitting.

"The sign is associated with healing, enlightenment,

medicine and higher education -- and also with black holes."

my child? is. a. black. hole. she just takes things and they are gone. forever.

her latest victim? my car key. we have one of those stupid microchip keys. this one to be exact-

it's all cute and fun and flippy when it's in your possession. it's fun to play with. which is probably what bella saw in it.

then one day? it was gone. i retraced my steps. over. and over. and over one more time. checked all the pockets in my diaper bag and jacket and pants. checked under all the couches and chairs and entertainment centers. checked outside in the leaves and under the bushes. i tore my house apart. for a week.

it's been a month. we still haven't found it.

eventually, we just had it towed to the dealer (40 miles away) and bought a new key. which isn't like getting a key cut for your old '96 honda civic.no. there is one machine in a 50 mile radius, and it's the only one that can cut a key. then it has to be programmed. and then you have the get a computer update, blah, blah, blah. whatever. all i know is, joel has been in a bad mood ever since.

where was i going with this???

oh yes. i hope bella starts leaning more towards that "higher learning" bit, and away from the black hole bit.

in the mean time, we are visiting bella's nana and bumpa. they got snow. real snow. 6 inches of real snow. and it's still here. kind of. bella likes it. i think.

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check out the smartipants giveaway!! giveaway ends 20 january at 12pm est.

a 13 month old lives here.

2011-01-12T20:49:00.002-05:00

how can i tell? let me count the ways....

i spend all day cleaning only to walk back through the house and see a path of destruction.

last year, when things got quiet, all was right with the world. now? i kind of start to panic. because that usually means bella has destroyed something.

i find bananas in the weirdest places.

i have a whole new respect for stain removers.

being spontaneous means planning something a day in advance, and then spending the next 24 hours making sure i don't forget something. though inevitably, i will run out of wipes while standing in the bathroom changing her poopy diaper.

our date night plans depend on how much we want to pay the babysitter. it's often the difference between an epic saga and a mindless comedy. or staying in all together.

a fun day of shopping usually ends up with me coming home with bags and bags....of baby stuff.

lunch dates include the options of chic-fil-a, jumpin' jax or a similarly entertaining space.

i know my floors are clean when i don't cringe when bella decides she will be having lunch off the ground.

my shows on the DVR have slowly gone from racy dramas about steamy doctors, to animated shows about talking trains and clay-mation lambs.

our bedtime routine is a nice long bubble bath, reading a good book, then listening to music to go to bed. and then i drag myself to my bed, where i fall asleep with one leg hanging off the side. sometimes? i only make it to the couch.

my life has changed so dramatically. i wouldn't trade it. not for all the sleep in the world.

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and don't forget to enter the smartipants giveaway! ends january 20th at 12 pm est!

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smarti pants review and giveaway

2011-01-12T09:01:00.002-05:00

we have been a cloth family now for 13 months. that's about 12.5 months longer than i think joel thought we would make it.

bella, rockin out her cloth diaper, at around 2 months

in the beginning, i had my work cut out for me. before bella was even born, i had to convince joel that cloth diapering was not just something that people did back in the old days. in reality? it was not that long ago.

so first things first-we talked money. by cloth diapering, we found out that, if bella was fully potty trained by 2 (which is on the early side) we would save around $5,000 by cloth diapering. that had joel on the fence. he is a man who likes to save money. then, i made a big mistake. i told him that if he let me make this investment (and initially, it is a little bit of one) he would never have to change a diaper. ::palm to forehead:: i admit, i said that in a moment of desperation. because even though i LOVE cloth diapering? there have been some moments where i could have used a hand. (to be fair, he has changed 3 diapers......and once, because there was only a changing table in the mens room. thank you panera bread!)

but he conceded, and i dove in. into researching. because it is overwhelming. luckily, jessica over at SmartiPants is a genius. she has created a wonderfully amazing diaper. it claims to be a one size fits all, from birth to potty training.

so i bit. i bought 18 of them. i had a few other of different brands, just to try them out. see what fits. after about 2 weeks, Smarti's quickly became my favorites.

they're easy. the liners come out in the wash. this might be my favorite thing about them. because i don't have to grab a soaking wet liner and pull it out. with my fingers. yucky. nope. they agitate out in the wash, so you literally just throw them in the washer.
they fit. of all the diapers i have used, smarti's seem to fit the best at every stage. they have snaps that go up and down the front to adjust the leg hole size, and snaps across the tops and on the tabs, to adjust the waist. this is what makes them fit so perfectly, at all stages. you can overlap the flaps without adding a bunch of bulk.
they aren't too bulky. back to those liners. the way the pockets are sewn on the diaper makes the liners fit perfectly and not get all bunchy, making them pretty trim, for a cloth diaper.
they're absorbent. the liners in smarti's are by far my favorite of all the liners we have. and we have a lot. they are big and long, but somehow don't overwhelm the diaper. and they are incredibly absorbent. which is why they're there. duh.
they're cost efficient. when i first started researching diapers, i was overwhelmed by the price. sometimes, a single diaper can cost up to $25. and needing around 25 or more, that would get expensive, fast (there's that investment i mentioned). but at $14.95 for a single one, they are more than $10 cheaper. there are different size packs you can get as well, saving even more money.
they hold up well. we've had our smarti's for over a year. they are still in pretty awesome condition-no pilling like other diapers, not stretching, no fading, and no disintegrating (yes, i have had diapers that have just....fallen apart). my ONE AND ONLY complaint, is that the elastic is starting to give. but that is after one year of constant wearing and washing. i would say that's not too bad.

not the greatest picture, but she looks so cute in her smarti's! bella at 2 months.

and now? you can get one free! this is a great opportunity to try them out. or if you already have them (and love them) you can add to your stash! one winner will receive one diaper of their choice. and entering is easy peasy lemon squeezy.

there are several ways to enter! each entry is a separate comment and please be sure to include your e-mail address in each comment, so i know who to contact!

mandatory entry:

head over to SmartiPants. come back here and leave a comment telling me what color you would pick!

extra entries:

"like" Smartipants on facebook.
follow this blog.
tweet about this giveaway and mention @this_isparadise.
share this on facebook.
follow me on facebook.

that's it. you don't have to do everything, only the first one is mandatory, but each entry is another chance to win. the winner will be chosen by random.org and announced on january 20 at 12pm est. don't forget to leave a separate comment for each entry with your e-mail address in it!

i'm on facebook

2011-01-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

that's all i have to say tonight. joel has been home for 4 days. my mind is a little mushy. and i'm tired.

so come find me on facebook, and make me feel like i'm legitimate. pretty please?

we've been working on signing please.
then daddy taught her to hold out her hands for some snacks.
so now this is the sign for please.......

it snowed!!!!

2011-01-10T12:43:00.001-05:00

nah. that's not our house. nor is that our snow. and really? what we got? it isn't snow. it's ice. slushy, mushy ice. but it looks like snow. and that's what's important. it looks like snow and it feels like snow, and everything is covered in it. which is good, because everything is shut down. so, i'm glad there is a reason.

we got a call at about 7 last night, saying that the base was closing down. the schools had all already been shut down. i was kind of shocked. because at 7 last night? there was no snow. not one single flurry. or even ice. just a forecast. a prediction.

am i complaining? NO WAY!!! i love snow! i love being shut in and closed down! i LOVE when things slow down and people spend time with their families. and that is what we did today.

see? ice.

currently, charlotte (our hometown) has about 6 inches and it's still falling. i'm jealous. we might have gotten an inch. most of our grass isn't even covered. but it was still fun to make believe. we sare going home on wednesday for a couple of days and i am PRAYING that there is still a significant amount there.

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hey y'all! check out my about me tab for every bit of info you will ever need to know about me. i like to share.

thanks for stopping by!

i forgot where i was for a minute

2011-01-09T15:03:00.000-05:00

this week we have a half week, because we are going home wednesday. and we are out of everything. so we loaded our little family into the car and headed out to the grocery store. when we got there the parking lot was PACKED.

me: "is today some kind of holiday i didn't know about? or is there one coming up soon?"

joel: ::silence::

we find a spot, head in and dodge and weave around the people, their carts full of preservatives. and high fructose corn syrup. and milk.

at the front, they have a lane roped off and a store manager directing people to the different checkout stands. bella gets antsy, so we leave joel in the line and go look at the valentines day displays. as i am walking back to the front of the line, where joel is paying, i over hear a lady talking to another lady in line. her cart is overflowing with doritos, little debbies, soda and plastic cups and plates. nothing is remotely nutritious and none requires refrigeration. just as i am thinking we are headed for a nuclear attack, she says, "we hadta git ready for tha snow, ya know"

::palm to forehead::

people? we are in middle georgia. if it snows here? it most likely will not accumulate. and if it does? it will be gone in less than 24 hours.

plus also? heaven forbid we go 2 days without doritos and soda.

pour one out for the babies

2011-01-06T19:38:00.000-05:00

today? i am opening a bottle of wine and celebrating.

why do you ask? because one year and 3 weeks ago, bella and i started on a very roller coaster like journey. and now? it's over.

i'm talking about boobs here, people. specifically, ones used to nourish my baby.

i thought i would be sad when bella stopped nursing. truth be told? if it had been earlier, i might have been sad. i may have even shed a tear. but we have been in this nursing relationship for one year and 3 weeks. that far surpassed my original goal of 6 months.

bella latched with no trouble 30 minutes after being born. we never dealt with thrush, or infections, or clogged ducts. we never dealt with a bad latch or her refusing to nurse. bella was quite the boobie monster.

it was painful at first. very intensely painful at times. i remember when she was about 2 weeks old, every time it was time to feed her, i would start to cry in anticipation. and when she would latch, it would cause me to scream.

that's the thing no one really prepares you for. the lactation consultant told me, "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong". and after the initial few weeks, that may be true. but at first? it hurts. bad. looking back, the painful period didn't last long. but while recovering from birth and not sleeping much and nursing every 3 hours, it seemed to last a lot longer.

but after the pain? it was gloriously wonderfully simple. once bella and i got into a routine, once we hit our stride, nursing became my most favorite thing as a mother. for one, it allowed me to be lazy. and i am lazy. and i like it. there was no warming bottles. no getting up to prepare formula. no testing to see if the temperature was right, then waiting another 2 minutes only to have heated it up TOO much. it was, plop. done. i even got to where i could lay down while nursing. that made it even greater. also, it was extremely portable. i didn't have to carry a cooler and then look for a source for hot water everywhere i went. i just found a comfy spot and started feeding her.

it wasn't all glorious. there was that time i was nursing her in target and a man followed me all over the store, peering over my shoulder. true story.

and i had people blaming bella's sleep problems on my choice to nurse. and cloth diaper. because those are bad parenting choices. apparently.

and there was that one time that i was asked to go sit in a room where the door could be shut while dining at a restaurant. another true story.

sadly, there are people who are ignorant when it comes to breastfeeding. but there are an increasing amount of people who are incredibly aware of the benefits and naturalness of it. it's not for everyone. i get that. but, no one should ever feel shame for choosing to feed their child. whatever way that may be.

to new momma's (or soon to be new momma's) who may be reading this, if you are on the fence, if your deciding factor is wrapped up in being embarrassed? take heart in knowing you are not alone. it's a struggle at first. as is everything child related. but i have never met anyone who said they REGRETTED breast feeding. true statement.

weaning wasn't nearly as difficult as i imagined it would be either. bella has a lovey that she sleeps with, and i am certain that made all the difference. i started doing a little research when she was almost one, and decided to do baby led weaning. i was CERTAIN that she would continue to nurse until she was 5. it would be my luck. slowly, we cut back. i wouldn't deny her, but we played a lot more. i kept her pretty distracted. after about a week, we were only nursing first thing in the morning and right before bed. then one day, she didn't nurse before bed. i didn't offer it, but i didn't refuse her either. she just didn't ask. the next night, same thing.

now we were only nursing in the morning. that lasted for about 3 days. and then a few days ago, she stopped. completely. on. her. own. we haven't nursed again since.

over all, i loved nursing, and i will do it again with every child i am blessed with, for as long as i can and for as long as they want it. i know i'm lucky to have had such a great experience.

crock pot luau

2011-01-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

i LOVE my crock pot. love it so much that i have 3 of them. excessive? maybe. but there have been occasions where all three have been in use at one time. that's how much i love them.

i don't think i need to expound on that. but i will. crock pots can be used for EVERYTHING. and it's pretty much, toss in ingredients, put on lid, go about your business as if nothing were happening, eat. how perfectly simple is that?

so, when these fine ladies decided to have a crock pot blog hop, i couldn't resist sharing my favorite recipe.

it's one that i picked up our first month we were in hawaii. it is amazingly simple and AMAZINGLY wonderful.

crock pot luau.

1 rump or shoulder roast
2 tbs liquid smoke
kosher sea salt
rice

rub roast with sea salt-however much or little. it's not a science.
put in crock pot.
pour 2 tbs of liquid smoke over roast.
cook on high 6 hours.

serve over rice. doooone.

y'all? it does not get easier. or yummier. your tummies (and your husbands) will thank you.

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want some amazing recipes? here ya go.

inspired by finn review

2011-01-05T11:14:00.000-05:00

last week, bella cut 4 teeth. this week? she has 2 more. it's like her teeth all were hanging out one day and decided to rain hate upon my head. i feel bad for bella. that must be some pretty terrible pain. i also feel bad for my sanity, because it is taking a serious beating.

our nights around here have gotten pretty rough. i choose to not give bella much in the way of drugs. we have some motrin on hand, but we have had the same bottle for a year. and it might have about 3 doses missing.

but when bella was first teething, i found out about baltic amber and it's effects on pain. when i heard of the baltic amber teething necklaces, i thought they were just something else for bella to chew on.

first of all? you don't chew on them. baltic amber works by being absorbed into the skin. it helps soothe pain naturally. you can read a little more about it here.

then i stumbled across inspired by finn. they specialize in necklaces for children and adults made from baltic amber and hazelwood. their "teething necklaces" are much more than an accessory.

when bella is in the throes of teething pain, i put on her necklace (and sometimes just because it's so cute) and she seems to be soothed all day.

today? she was a fuss butt. whiny and clingy. right now? she is very cheerily chasing the dogs around the house and playing peekaboo with her baby. with her necklace on.

the girl is not only stylin', but she seems to be pain free.

right now, inspired by finn is offering a 25% off code to my readers. just enter JN25 at checkout. it will be good for the next 2 weeks, so pass it around! and it's not just for babies. they have necklaces, bracelets and anklets for kids and adults too.

go to inspired by finn, check out all their beautiful stuff, and if you get something, make sure you let me know! you will not be disappointed!

*i bought bella's necklace and chose to review it on my own*

money can't buy happiness. or help you lose weight, apparently.

2011-01-03T14:51:00.001-05:00

it wasn't really a resolution, but a week or so ago, i mentioned that i am going to start running. after a brief hiatus for being super sick and then of course, new years eve/day (which i totally did not acknowledge, except by doing nothing at all), i have been hitting the treadmill.

when bella was about 3 months old i, like every new momma anxious to shed some weight, joined a gym. i told myself, i am not like most people who join a gym. i will not succumb to the shiny factor, and work out hard for 2 weeks then stop. i will make this a habit and i will lose the weight.

the first 2 weeks were free, so of course i went every day. they were great-bella sat in the child watch and i got a decent workout for about 45 minutes. which is usually when i would start to hear bella screaming from the other room.

week 3? when the money started to flow from the bank account? bella decided she didn't like the gym. i would get about 10 minutes into my workout and i would hear her wailing. i would go about another 10 before the watchers would come out and get me.

"bella won't stop screaming. the other kids are getting upset."

i stopped going for a couple of months-joel deployed and i went to stay with my mom. when i got back, bella was a little older and a little more independent. at 6 months, she was crawling around and was actually able to play on her own. so i gave it another shot.

i got 15 minutes logged on the elliptical.

"wwwaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

keep in mind-this is about 30 yards away, behind a closed door. with a room between us that had a lot of "hiya"s and "ALRIIIIGHT"s emanating from it.

i got the lecture from joel-"we are spending $30 a month so you can sit on your butt and eat bon bons while that gym membership goes to waste!"

people? i don't know what a bon bon is. and i am rarely on my butt. but apparently, unless you go to the gym for 8 hours a day? that is what you are doing.

so i continued to butt sit and bon bon eat.

we had a free gym on base, but the only thing i knew about the child care was-"there is a room that has exercise equipment on one side and a glass room in the middle where the kids sit". that didn't sound like something bella would be in to. actually, it sounded a little sketchy to me. so i never went. because, hello?! if it sounds sketchy, it probably is. and it's probably even worse than that. and bella would NEVER.......

until last week. joel and i tried my gym again. and it was a massive failure. she was crying before we even entered the building. so the next day, we headed to the base gym. at this point, i was willing to ~~prove joel wrong~~ try anything. after a walk that seemed like it should have taken us into a different country, we got to the room. and went in.

i fully expected that pledge commercial, the one with the lady in the glass room, and the dust and the cats? but it was a room a little bigger than a racquetball court, with about 1/3 of it blocked off by a glass wall, and a half door (whew! i was wondering how she would breathe!?!? duh.) inside the little room, were mats, and big cushiony chairs and a couple of bosu balls and toys and a tv. the walls were painted bright colors with a mural on it.

i put bella down in the room and closed the door. and she played. and tumbled over the furniture. and got up, looked at me and laughed. and played some more. she waved at me as i ran, and played peekaboo from behind one of the columns. and i ran. and then i lifted. an hour later, i had worked up a pretty good sweat, and undoubtedly burned more calories than i have in a whole year. and it was wonderful.

today, i went with my good friend and her kids. and they played happily while we ran and talked.

lesson learned: bella and her father are in cahoots against me spending money. oh, and a $30 gym membership does not mean you get a free babysitter. most importantly? when something is free and doesn't get used? it's much more forgivable than when something costs money and doesn't get used. oh, and with the $300 i have wasted on that gym membership? i could have done a lot more.

joel, you were right. i was wrong. there. i said it. you better save this page, because you may never hear those words again.

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if you're here from MFM, check out my about me tab! it's everything you need to know (and maybe a little more. i'm like that...). thanks for stopping by!!

i want to be a better liver. or maybe a pancreas.

2011-01-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

i'm a little late the game on the obligatory "new year, new you" post. mostly because i don't make resolutions.

i think they are the biggest highlighter of failure, and i don't need that. instead, i like to reflect on things that i've accomplished, and see where i've come from, so i know where i'm going.

this year was a HUGE year. in my 26 1/2 years, this one ranks up there as one of the biggest, coming in a close second probably to 2005 (got married and moved to hawaii) and right in front of 1984 (i was born. it was a big deal.).

things i accomplished this year, in no particular order:

365 days of:
-breastfeeding. THAT is a serious accomplishment if you have ever tried it. my child better be grateful in 15 years when she is not obese and has a healthy immune system.
-cloth diapering. with the exception of about 2 weeks of dealing with a wicked rash, we have had bella's bum covered in fleece for an entire year.
-less than 5 hours of sleep per night. that's right, for an entire year, my child has not slept through the night, which means, neither have i. before you start giving me advice? she started on december 31st. her resolution must be to be a better sleeper. or to not hate her mommy so much.
-being a mother. most important thing i have ever done with my life. ever.

other things we have accomplished this year:
-i moved us from our apartment to a house while my husband was deployed. i'm pretty proud of myself for doing that. because that was a big undertaking. i had help from my friend and her 2 teenage sons, but that was it-2 women, 2 teenagers, an 8 year old and a baby. that should have been a reality show.
-we survived 2 deployments-one to haiti, for relief and one to jordan. bella was 6 weeks old when joel went to haiti, and 10 months when he went to jordan.
-lots of travelling-bella and i have made several road trips on our own, most of which were 6 hours long. we also traveled a lot with daddy.

bella has had a big year too! this was her first year of life. some of her milestones:
-6 weeks-made her first long road trip and saw snow for the first time.
-11 weeks-first trip to disney world!
-4 months-sat up on her own
-5 1/2 months-started crawling on her hands and knees
-9 months 3 days-took her first unassisted steps
-13 december-celebrated her first birthday

we've done a lot this year, and i am not the same person i was one year ago. i remember her. i liked her. she was nice. but she had no idea what lie ahead. i am stronger now. more in check. more sympathetic. more patient. i am willing to let things go that aren't important. and i know how to put my foot down when something is important. i am healthier, though not entirely healthy (i still have a good 20 pounds to lose). and believe it or not, i am more rested than i was a year ago. but only slightly.

i don't know what this new year holds. i have a lot i want to do, but mostly, i want to be happier and healthier. i want to be a better wife, a better mother and a better friend. i could say i want to be a more consistent blogger, but the truth is? when i'm not blogging? i am living. and not thinking about how my life looks in writing. so, i want to be a better liver of life. and hopefully i can be better at recording it.

happy new year.

if i wasn't so sick, i might have something better to say

2010-12-29T22:10:00.000-05:00

i have nothing interesting to say, it seems.

i have been sick as sick gets and doped up on nyquil for the last 5 days. which pretty much ruined christmas for me, but not for bella! so here are some pictures from christmas. that's all i've got.

a laptop and a headlamp. now i am JUST like daddy!

best. day. EEVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRR!

going camping. see you guys later!

i much prefer these awesome things to my lame gifts. remember that next year, santa!

that's all for now. hopefully some sleep will do me good and i will have something worth while to say in the morning.

merry christmas and happy new year!