money can't buy happiness. or help you lose weight, apparently.

it wasn't really a resolution, but a week or so ago, i mentioned that i am going to start running. after a brief hiatus for being super sick and then of course, new years eve/day (which i totally did not acknowledge, except by doing nothing at all), i have been hitting the treadmill.

when bella was about 3 months old i, like every new momma anxious to shed some weight, joined a gym. i told myself, i am not like most people who join a gym. i will not succumb to the shiny factor, and work out hard for 2 weeks then stop.  i will make this a habit and i will lose the weight.

the first 2 weeks were free, so of course i went every day. they were great-bella sat in the child watch and i got a decent workout for about 45 minutes. which is usually when i would start to hear bella screaming from the other room.

week 3? when the money started to flow from the bank account? bella decided she didn't like the gym. i would get about 10 minutes into my workout and i would hear her wailing. i would go about another 10 before the watchers would come out and get me.

"bella won't stop screaming. the other kids are getting upset."

i stopped going for a couple of months-joel deployed and i went to stay with my mom. when i got back, bella was a little older and a little more independent. at 6 months, she was crawling around and was actually able to play on her own. so i gave it another shot.

i got 15 minutes logged on the elliptical.

"wwwaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

keep in mind-this is about 30 yards away, behind a closed door. with a room between us that had a lot of "hiya"s and "ALRIIIIGHT"s emanating from it.

i got the lecture from joel-"we are spending $30 a month so you can sit on your butt and eat bon bons while that gym membership goes to waste!"

people? i don't know what a bon bon is. and i am rarely on my butt. but apparently, unless you go to the gym for 8 hours a day? that is what you are doing.

so i continued to butt sit and bon bon eat.

we had a free gym on base, but the only thing i knew about the child care was-"there is a room that has exercise equipment on one side and a glass room in the middle where the kids sit". that didn't sound like something bella would be in to. actually, it sounded a little sketchy to me. so i never went. because, hello?! if it sounds sketchy, it probably is. and it's probably even worse than that. and bella would NEVER.......

until last week. joel and i tried my gym again. and it was a massive failure. she was crying before we even entered the building. so the next day, we headed to the base gym. at this point, i was willing to prove joel wrong try anything. after a walk that seemed like it should have taken us into a different country, we got to the room. and went in.

i fully expected that pledge commercial, the one with the lady in the glass room, and the dust and the cats? but it was a room a little bigger than a racquetball court, with about 1/3 of it blocked off by a glass wall, and a half door (whew! i was wondering how she would breathe!?!? duh.) inside the little room, were mats, and big cushiony chairs and a couple of bosu balls and toys and a tv. the walls were painted bright colors with a mural on it.

i put bella down in the room and closed the door. and she played. and tumbled over the furniture. and got up, looked at me and laughed. and played some more. she waved at me as i ran, and played peekaboo from behind one of the columns. and i ran. and then i lifted. an hour later, i had worked up a pretty good sweat, and undoubtedly burned more calories than i have in a whole year. and it was wonderful.

today, i went with my good friend and her kids. and they played happily while we ran and talked.

lesson learned: bella and her father are in cahoots against me spending money. oh, and a $30 gym membership does not mean you get a free babysitter. most importantly? when something is free and doesn't get used? it's much more forgivable than when something costs money and doesn't get used. oh, and with the $300 i have wasted on that gym membership? i could have done a lot more.

joel, you were right. i was wrong. there. i said it. you better save this page, because you may never hear those words again.

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getting rid of my jiggly booty

i've started running. i know, perfect time to start, right?

i've always been somewhat active (more or less at different times in my life. most recently? less. much, much less.), but i have never, i repeat NEVER been much of a runner. not even when i played sports. i have big feet and short legs and bad knees and am a little top heavy. nope, those puppies didn't make their appearance just for the baby.

and i have excuses. because, really? who LIKES to run?

no you don't. no way. not possible. don't lie to me.

i'm starting out pretty slowly. i don't really enjoy running. so i don't want to burn myself out. i have been running 1.5 miles, then walking the last .5 mile. i know, to all you hard core runners, that is a warm up. but you have to remember, i. don't. run. unless i'm being chased. by a rabid dog. down a hill.

it takes 21 days to form a habit. i am on day 3. lame. i know. but i'm setting small goals.

goal #1-run 1.5 miles, every day, for one month.
goal #2-starting in february, run 2.5 miles, every day, for one month.
goal #3-run 5k every day.

that's it. i just want to be able to run a 5k, without walking, by the spring. maybe then, i will reevaluate, and try to make new goals for time.

this isn't about losing weight though, obviously, i am hoping it leads to that. this is about making myself stronger. making goals and reaching them. being a better me.

and making my jiggly butt, a little less jiggly.