6 years.

this post is actually a little late. our anniversary was 5 days ago, but i was on my way to visit with joel for a few days . i spent the entire day driving, but it was most definitely worth it to spend one last weekend together. 

this is a weird way to start out our 7th year of marriage, apart and with little communication for half of it. but we will make it through. and we will be stronger for it. we always are. 

the first time i met you, i was moving into my dorm my sophomore year of college. i didn't know a soul except for my room mate, and as soon as i got my stuff down and my mom out the door, we were called to a floor meeting. our floor and the boys floor above us. you were the first to speak. you were confident, though not arrogant. you spoke with authority. and you were enthusiastic about the coming year. 

you planned fun events and made sure everyone was having as much fun as they wanted. you were silly and goofy and made people laugh. 

those were the first things i saw in you. and the first things i loved in you. 

that was 8 years ago, and i remember it like it was yesterday. since then, you have been my best friend. i can't imagine my life any other way than with you in it.

i have more fun,  i'm more challenged, i do more, i see more, i am more. 

seeing you as a dad has brought about a new love and respect that i could have never imagined. you are gentle and sweet and playful. bella adores you, which makes my heart sing. and you adore her which makes me melt. 

we've had our ups and downs, but through each moment we have been there, holding the other one and reminding them what's important. i can always count on you to say what i need to hear, even when it's not what i want to hear. 

on friday, we celebrated 6 years in a somewhat unorthodox way. most people go to fancy hotels and have nice big dinners with sparkly gifts exchanged. we celebrated by visiting you at your government approved hotel, in a military town far away. we took bella to the playground and then went to the mall and we ate dinner in the food court. we spent the weekend recording you reading new books you bought for the baby, swimming in the hotel pool and playing with the trains at barnes and noble. it was a bitter sweet weekend. each moment, i was reminded how much i would miss you and how much you and i had become one. just as we would be laughing about something only we would find funny, a though would pass through my mind and i would remember that at the end of the weekend, we would say goodbye, and i would start to cry. i've never felt so bi-polar in all my life. 

but it was also such an amazing way to spend those last few days-i think we both really cherished each moment we had.

 happy 6 years, babe. thank you for who you are. i love your energy and how you balance me out. you are smart, and funny, and charming, and creative. you make me laugh and you hold me when i cry. you are my other half. i'm going to miss you like crazy, but i am also so proud of you and i think you are pretty amazingly brave. 

i love you. more than words can say. 

today was the day.

5 days before we celebrate our 6 year anniversary, i find myself up at 6am, driving to the base to drop my husband off for a 7 month deployment. 

we spent the last week taking in each other and our little family, doing fun things when we weren't running around trying to get him ready. we ate out almost every meal, since he may be eating anything from MRE's (nasty packaged food that heats itself....which is just wrong) to something unidentifiable. and saturday, we went to six flags for my moms work function. 

it was a fun filled day of roller coasters (which we haven't ridden in almost 6 years) and rides with the baby. bella loved most of the rides, and especially loved the playground. of course. 

up until last night, it felt like the day he left would never come. i knew it was coming, but for some reason, it didn't seem like it ever would get here. 

we got up and drove onto base early this morning. we pulled into the parking lot, the only other cars belonging to the rest of his squadron who were also deployed. as the transport pulled up beside us, i felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. 

we have weird goodbyes, usually. the last deployment he went on, i dropped him off at the airport, gave him a hug and a kiss and said goodbye. there are no tears, no prolonged make-out session for the world to see, no long embraces or sniffles. just a simple goodbye, and we part ways. i know he'll be back, and i also look at each deployment as a chance for me to prove how strong i am.

when joel is home, i always default most of the typical "man" chores to him. but when he is gone, i have to do it all. and it's kind of empowering. i mow, and build stuff, and put things together, and fix things. 

but this morning was kind of different. this morning, when joel said goodbye to me and bella, and then climbed into the van, bella's lip started to quiver a little. i said, "say bye-bye dada!" and the waterworks started flowing. big crocodile tears just streaming down her cheeks. 

45 minutes later, she finally started to slow the tears. but only after i had shed a few of my own. 

i'll miss him a lot, for sure. but trying to imagine how bella feels and what she thinks is what really breaks my heart. i don't know how to help her rationalize that her daddy is gone and she only gets to see him on the computer and in pictures. she can see him in video's or through video chat, but he never tucks her into bed, or gives her a bath, or plays on the playground with her. and i know he is coming back soon, but how can i communicate that to her. 

bella loves her daddy. sometimes i think she likes him more than she likes me. and that's ok (for now). one day she will know why she is proud of her daddy. and she will be even more so. 

for now, she carries her daddy doll around with her everywhere she goes, kisses him goodnight, eats with him (and feeds him...which gets messy, you can imagine), puts bows in his hair, and snuggles up at night with him. and occasionally, she pokes him in the eye. 

we miss you!!!

mama kat's writers workshop: my husband makes me proud.

one of mama kat's writing prompts this week is "husbands. a post that will hopefully not get you in trouble"

i like to complain about my husband. mostly because, well....he is just so darn....husband-like. you know the type-clueless. forgetful. so much like a 16 year old boy that you sometimes forget you are not his mother? 

i was going to tap out this lovely little ditty about how he woke up at 6am to go turn on the blender, subsequently waking me AND the tiny terrorist that resides on the other side of the house. or maybe i would recycle this gem from when he was forgetful (one of the MANY times). 

but as i was drafting what i would say, i changed my mind. so, here is what i think about my husband. 

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joel,

there are plenty of husbands who are the bread winners for their families. they wake early, come home late, working hard all day to provide a life for their families, allowing their wives to stay home with their children. that doesn't make you unique. 

what makes you special, what makes me proud, is not that you do, it's what you do. 

you are a smart man. when we were in college, i have this distinct memory of you never studying. we would walk to class, then meet up a few hours later after classes were over, and go eat, or go hang out with friends, go to a movie, go to a club meeting or a coffee shop. a park, or the pool. but never once do i remember you cracking a book. i would come upstairs to hang out and you would be playing video games or tinkering with some electronic thing. or goofing off with some of the guys on the floor. but not studying. 

when you told me that if you didn't pass our ballroom dance class, you wouldn't graduate, i assumed it was because your other classes were lacking, and that, indeed, this class would be a make or break class for you. it made sense, since you never studied. but then when grades came in and you graduated with a 3.85 CUMULATIVE, i thought maybe there was an error on your transcript. or maybe you misrepresented yourself.

you graduated in four years, which seems, in this day, an oddity. you scored a 98 on your asvab. you have a degree in computer science, and a masters in IT management. it seems that you could do whatever you choose with your life, and you would be wildly successful in whatever arena you choose. 

but that's not why i married you. 

while many people your age were "finding themselves" and enjoying their college years to the fullest extent, you made a commitment to serve your country. you could have joined a fraternity or done internships for some big money making company. but you chose a route that would undoubtedly be less lucrative, but would challenge you and force you to put service before self. on. the. daily. 

while many college students were sleeping off a hangover, you were up before the sun, working out and keeping yourself "fit to fight". 

while most people floundered through the first semesters of school, failing a couple of classes, switching majors 4 times (ahem....not me. someone else i know......), trying to figure out what they want to do, you decided a major, stuck with it, and excelled at it. 

you work hard. just like millions of other people. but in your off time, you go deliver meals with meals on wheels. you volunteer your time helping kids. you volunteer at animal shelters (all with your lovely wife, of course). you could rest on your laurels, knowing you're off the clock. but even in your off time, you want to help other people. 

you sacrifice birthdays. anniversaries. family vacations. eventually, maybe births of children. all for people you have never met, some of whom don't agree with what you do, so they can speak out (sometimes against you), so they can protest (sometimes at your fallen comrades funerals), so they can be free (sometimes as they attempt to take the freedoms of others). you leave your family behind, so that theirs are safe. and you chose to do this, knowing that you would face opposition. 

this is why i married you (one of the many reasons). this is what makes me so proud of you. there are others who do less, who are compensated more. but there is a sense of pride that you carry with you. 

i am proud to be your wife. i am proud of the life we have built. and i am proud of the father you are and will be. 

i love you. 

crock pot luau

i LOVE my crock pot. love it so much that i have 3 of them. excessive? maybe. but there have been occasions where all three have been in use at one time. that's how much i love them.

i don't think i need to expound on that. but i will. crock pots can be used for EVERYTHING. and it's pretty much, toss in ingredients, put on lid, go about your business as if nothing were happening, eat. how perfectly simple is that?

so, when these fine ladies decided to have a crock pot blog hop, i couldn't resist sharing my favorite recipe.

it's one that i picked up our first month we were in hawaii. it is amazingly simple and AMAZINGLY wonderful.

crock pot luau.

1 rump or shoulder roast
2 tbs liquid smoke
kosher sea salt
rice

rub roast with sea salt-however much or little. it's not a science.
put in crock pot.
pour 2 tbs of liquid smoke over roast.
cook on high 6 hours.

serve over rice. doooone.

y'all? it does not get easier. or yummier. your tummies (and your husbands) will thank you.

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want some amazing recipes? here ya go.

letter to a celebrity. or in this case, a "not quite" celebrity.

i have been really busy the last month with moving, travelling and simply not having any internet connection, and so i have been absent. i have neglected my beloved blog. sometimes i felt bad about it. sometimes? notsomuch. because the truth is, even if we hadn't been moving and travelling, i probably still wouldn't have had much time to write. bella is 11 months old and is into EVERYTHING. she has been walking for about 2 months now, and she has gotten pretty good at it. which means now, i don't get to sit down. because she leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes. and it usually consists of things that are hazardous to her health.

now that we are settled, what better way to make my comeback, than to participate in mama kat's writers workshop? so here, for your reading pleasure is my "open letter to a celebrity":

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dear football wives "stars":

ok, i know you aren't truly celebrity. the only thing you have done that makes you famous is marry an athlete. and then get a reality show. but in our mixed up, backwards world, that apparently constitutes as hard work and is deemed worthy of our attention. i don't get it. but i get sucked in.

i don't actually watch your show. because it kind of makes me sick that we glorify your existence. i don't like the real housewives either, but they are so dumb and drama-centric that it kind of makes me feel good about my life. but i digress. i was a victim of bella changing the channels again, and it landed on your show.

three of you ladies were sitting in pedicure chairs, having your nails done, and talking about how even though you like what your husbands do (aka, you like that you get to spend seemingly limitless amount of money and live in a big nice house, while your nanny raises your kids and your maids keep your palace livable), you fear every moment that he steps on the field because he "puts his life on the line everyday".

spoiled-rich-woman-with-too-much-time-and-not-enough-responsibility say WHAT?!

honey, let me tell you something. MY husband (along with the husbands and wives of most of my friends) puts his life on the line. so that you can make asinine comments like that one. so that you can live in your fancy house, and spend your fancy money. so that you can sit in that chair, and get that pedicure, by some woman who probably gave up a lot so she could scrub your calloused feet, which got that way, not by walking long distances in combat boots, but by treading around the mall in too-high heels, carrying too heavy shopping bags.

let me get one thing straight. i am not upset by the fact that you are complaining that you worry about your husbands physical health. or that you are afraid he might get seriously injured. i think that is a sentiment shared by every wife in the world. and i don't mean to make light of your pain. not being around your husband as much as you would like, sucks. but my sympathy does not extend much past that.

but let me shed some light on your comment. your husband risks his body for the sake of a game. for entertainment. my husband (and the other people of service like him) risks his life for the sake of the people of this country. he sacrifices holidays, weekends, dinners with the family and seeing milestones in his children's lives for the sake of national security. and he is not compensated nearly as well.

do you have a right to complain? absolutely. and people like my husband gave their lives so you could have it.

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my tirade is done.