new life, new meaning

just another day in paradise. para- what?! um, duke, we're not in hawaii anymore.

no. we are clearly not in hawaii anymore. in august of last year, we moved back to the lower 48, and headed straight for G-A. home of the bulldogs, falcons and braves. sweet tea, pulled pork and watermelon. chilly winters, where 2 inches of snow shuts down the town. hot summers, almost too hot to go outside, unless it's straight to the pool! 4 seasons. road trips. and of course....HOTlanta!

it's not a tropical island in the middle of the pacific. but i guess the meaning of paradise has changed a bit.

as i write this, i am sitting amongst baby clothes and spit rags covered in spit up. there's spit up in my hair, slobber on my shirt. baby toys are scattered around me, and every time i see the little red dots on the baby monitor go up, i cringe, because bella has fought sleep for the past 4 nights. but this has truly become my paradise. seeing the joy that she gets when her daddy walks in the door, or when she cracks up because the dog is running in circles. it's not all fun. i have had my moments. life, along with this little girl, has thrown it's share of curve balls. but part of my joy is overcoming obstacles and feeling like super mom!

the meaning of paradise has gone from being a newlywed on a tropical island, starting a life, to 5 years later, with my best friend, creating life. and the meaning has become more profound. less about sunsets and beaches, picnics and palm trees. and more about building bonds and creating memories that will last a lifetime.

so now, i will use this blog to share the struggles and triumphs of raising my silly little monkey.

learning to trust.

i have been humbled yet again by God's timing and plans. they say if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. well, God must have been crying He was laughing so hard at me over the past few months.

first, let me say that i have been anxious for the last year over several different things in my life--one-where we will be moving this summer, and two-trying to have a baby. we found out a few months ago that we will be moving to georgia. as i posted earlier, we were not expecting georgia. and i can even recall when we were helping someone get ready to move there, thinking "man, that would be a crappy assignment", and guess what.......

i was trying very hard to be excited about our move-we would be back in the south, close to our family, around all the great food we have missed so much, not to mention sweet tea. but still, deep down, i was disappointed. i couldn't help feeling bummed.

at the same time, i was feeling anxious about having a baby. we had been trying for a year and a half and had been unsuccessful. it was starting to feel hopeless. i had been seeing different dr.'s and just couldn't understand why it wasn't happening. all of my friends were starting to get pregnant, and most of them after only trying for a month or two! it didn't seem fair. i prayed about it, and i tried to reconcile myself to the fact that some people just can't have kids, and that maybe we could adopt, or foster. but deep in my heart, i felt sad and was, again, disappointed.

in both situations, i was trying too hard to understand why, rather than just letting God have the reins willingly, and trusting that He has a plan. i wanted things done my way, in my timing. and clearly, they weren't happening that way.

then, really when we least expected it we found out we were pregnant! suddenly, it all made sense. now, instead of being overseas with a new baby, we would be right in the middle of all of our family.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ"-phillipians 4:67

like i said before-i was anxious.....clearly not listening. and obviously (now) God's plans and peace transcend my feeble mind. i am very clearly humbled. =)

why, georgia, why.......

well, we found out where we will be living for the next 4 years. if you couldn't tell from the title, we will be in georgia. officially we will be stationed at robins air force base in warner robins, georgia. i must say that, when we found out, i couldn't help but be disappointed. that is NOT anywhere on our list. for one-we picked all overseas bases. clearly that didn't happen. our backup list was charleston, tennessee, colorado, alaska and washington state.......not happenin either. what is going on!?

BUT then, as we sat at lunch, comisserating about being stationed in the "armpit of america", we began focussing on all the positives-we're half way between all of our family, an hour from atlanta and savannah, a few hours from the beach or mountains, we get 4 seasons, can get sweet tea EVERYWHERE we go, grits are readily available, and of course-ROADTRIPS!!! we haven't had a good roadtrip in years!

my lesson from this experience is this: i was so focused on the negative stuff since it wasn't where i was expecting. but once i changed my thought process, i realized that no matter where we live, it's what we make of it. wherever we go, we will find exciting and entertaining things to do. so we are headed back to the south, whether we like it or not.

plus, i know our families will be happy that we are going to be close. so that makes it all worth it.

busy as a bee.

some little updates:

1-we are now 3/4 of the way through our barrage of visitors. we have hosted my grandma and two of our friends from school so far, and we have my uncle coming out this friday. while we have thoroughly enjoyed all of our visitors and can't wait for uncle to make it out here, i will be very happy to have my house back in 2 weeks =)
joel, chris and duke playing in the waves

2-we bought our first piece of art friday. we were on the north shore and we walked into the wyland gallery (as we often do while we are there), and they were just setting up some new pieces from a (semi) local artist. they were beautiful. the artist was there that day and so he dedicated it to us on the back. the artists name is thom mardro and the piece is called "break point".


3-joel has recieved his orders that he will be getting promoted to captain this may. he will soon be recieving his unofficial orders on our pcs (permanent change of station). we should be finding out where we will be going next within the next month.

4-i start back to work this month. i have been off since december since it has been "too cold" for swimming. haha only in hawaii. i am pretty excited to get back in the water.

5-we will be listing our house in the next month or two. despite this little economic recession, we are hoping to sell it soon. we definitely are a little afraid of what our list price is going to be. most of the units in our area are going for about 80-100k less than we woud need to sell for, which is pretty scary. we are sure though that God will work things out. we are going to talk to the va people and see what they can do for us, as that's who our loan is through. we have been researching our options and we feel like there are a few options that we can explore.

6-joel and i have been painting a bit lately-he is picking it up for the first time and i am getting back into it. joel has actually been quite good. i am impressed and a little surprised =)

joel's painting

my painting

that's about it for now i think. i have had absolutely no time to update this, or even call my mom ;) hopefully next time i blog i will be updating where we will be moving next!!

questions unanswered and some storm clouds. but no fear.

this one is going to be short, and another won't follow for a week or so. my grandma is coming to visit me on saturday-which i am SO excited for-and i will be happily entertaining her for the week.

we are about 2-3 months from finding out our next station and 6-7 months from moving. the time seems to be flying by, and i am getting a little anxious over where we will be living next. will we be overseas or on the mainland? will we be at a large base or a small base? not that i care-i am willing to go anywhere! but knowledge seems to be so comforting! i am reminded of the verse from philippians 4-“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. when i pray for guidance, i feel like a child, asking "why"; like my questions are so meaningless in the grand scheme of things-why is the grass green, why is the sky blue. i ask for clarity on where we will go next, why i am being brought through certain things right now, why i have to wait for certain things and i know that, when all is said and done, there is a purpose in everything i am going through. i know that when i am on the other side, i will turn and praise God for his provisions rather than ask why, but in the midst of the storm i can't help but wonder if there is a silver lining. i know what you are thinking-why so bleak when it is just over a station? well the simplest (and most vague) answer is-it's not. =) i am not ready to publicize that yet, but i know i am in the midst of a storm, and i am coming to a place where i am embracing it.


i personally love rain. the darker the clouds the better. living in hawaii, there aren't many big thunderstorms, but when they come i cherish every moment. i don't know why-i have for as long as i can remember. that being said-i don't really get too excited when i have a metaphorical storm in my life. but this time i am choosing to praise Him in the storm rather than fight it. that doesn't mean i am all together happy about my circumstances, but i am not going to allow that to control me. i know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. and i believe there is a purpose-no matter how tempted i am to think otherwise.

ok so maybe not short-i shouldn't put those disclaimers on anything i write i guess.

one more thing to update-joel and i have recently been "church shopping" and have stumbled upon a place called imago dei. it is different (in a good way) but we are going to go a few more times before we settle anywhere. even though we only have a short time before we leave, we feel like it is important for us to find a place that fosters growth. we loved our old church, but we felt that we were beginning to become stagnant, and needed a little change. more to come on how that pans out.

overall-please pray for strength, understanding and peace for us over the next couple of months. here's to new adventures!

My husband and I had an argument this morning. Something silly about why wine should be stored on it's side. I couldn't tell him exactly why (I remember now it's to keep the cork wet, of course), but I knew that I was right. His argument was that they take up too much space on our counter top and we could just as easily keep them on top of the fridge (another thing I knew you shouldn't do-heat and vibrations spoil it, but for some reason couldn't articulate). I knew simply this-keep them on their side, in a cool dark place. I couldn't give him the exact reasons-I knew I knew the reason but couldn't retrieve it right away for the sake of the argument. Anyway, thanks to the internet, we quickly resolved that issue.

Now, I know this is an incredibly minor argument. One that, on any other day, would have fallen under the radar. But today isn't any other day-it's the beginning of the new year. The day that resolutions are made (and surely not broken, until at least next month!). It started me thinking about this year, and other arguments I have had where I know that I am right but can't quite retrieve the information substantiating my point. I like to say it's the Mad Cow (a little Boston Legal humor...).

My point is, it happens a lot that, just because I am not an expert on certain information, I don't feel like I can back up my argument properly and my rhetoric becomes "I don't know why, I just know I'm right". That is a terrible way to win a fight, especially against some of the hard-nosed men in my life (which takes me down this whole other path of women are just as smart, sometimes more so, than men-but I'll save that for another time). I can very specifically remember 5 times in which I got into this battle of the minds where I was 100% right and the other guy was 100% wrong, but because I didn't have hard evidence (or a computer) to back me up, they said I couldn't possibly be right.

Not being one to back down from an argument, I think this year I may resolve to work out my brain a little more-retain information, read more, do those little Brain Age things, take some classes, play more Sudoku (as mind numbing as that can be). The second part to this is, I need to be more confident that I am right-that is, when I am right. =)

Living out loud.

It has been a little while since my last post-I have had a rough week. Along with some minor, pesky health problems, I just flew back from Kentucky on Thanksgiving day. I found out the week before that my Papaw had passed away. I was able to fly back to be with my family, but it was very tough. I have lived away from my grandparents for most of my life, since I was 4. I have seen them once a year at least since then, but that isn't much in the world of grandparents. I think the hardest thing about going back was hearing stories from people who saw him all the time. I know this may sound selfish, but it was sad to hear their stories, knowing I didn't get the same amount of time with him. I have been struggling a little bit to really remember much, but here are some memories I do recall-

My Papaw was a quite man, but not all the time. I remember once when we were getting ready to fly home from seeing them one year my Mamaw and Papaw took us to the airport. This was back in the days before 9/11 when people could walk you to your gates and wave goodbye as your plane took off the runway. Papaw sat with our family while we waited to board. On this particular occasion, I don't remember much of what was said, but I remember him giving my sister a pocket watch and me a Swiss army knife. I can't remember why, but it still meant a lot to me. I kept it above my bed in a little jewelry box for the longest time. A few years later when we moved I lost that Swiss army knife and I remember crying like I had lost my best friend.

Another time we came to visit, right after he had undergone chemo, he had lost all his hair. He wore this bright orange toboggan. I'm not sure how anyone could forget that, but I had until I saw a picture while my sister and I were making a collage. I remember that Christmas, all our families got together and bought him this golf club that I guess he had wanted. I remember everyone opening all their presents and when we got down to the very last one, you could tell in his face that he hadn't expected anything, that he was just so pleased with the fact that all of his family was there and he was healthy and happy. I can clearly see my Uncle Jim say, "Clint, what's that behind the couch?" just like in A Christmas Story or something. My Papaw looked and then hesitantly got up and walked over and pulled out the box, and as he began to unwrap it his eyes began to fill with tears. Tears of joy, yes, but I'm sure they weren't really for this golf club. I think he was overwhelmed by the situation. By the love in the room. We all loved my Papaw so much, and he could feel it and was overcome by it in that moment. Plus it was a pretty awesome golf club.....so I'm told. =)

That same year, and in another airport, as we sat waiting for our plane yet again, my Papaw began to tell me stories from when he was in the Navy-of all the port he was in, all the people he met, how he had even been to Hawaii which was where I had travelled the preceding summer and now live. I am not sure why, but that conversation meant so much to me. Maybe it was his intention-it felt like he had a new lease on life and he wanted to really share his experiences. Or maybe it was just the fact that this man that I knew only as my Papaw, my dad's dad, had just told me about his life-a life I knew nothing about. Either way, it stuck with me.

Even though we lived far away, I feel like I got some great moments with my Papaw. I can still remember being in kindergarten and riding the bus home, knowing my Mamaw and Papaw were at home waiting for me. I would get off the bus and see their car and run from the bus all the way to the front door where they were waiting for me.

One story that I think all the kids in our family knew was the one about how he lost his pointer finger. At his funeral, my cousin Amy got up and told the story, and I had to laugh out loud because it rang so true. A long time ago, my Papaw lost his pointer finger. I remember being a kid and being kind of scared of it-I had never seen a severed appendage before. But I asked him, just like any curious child how he had lost it. He told me that when he was a kid he used to pick his nose and one day he was picking his nose when all of a sudden a booger chomped down on his finger and ate it right off! I never actually knew what happened and even though I knew booger monsters didn't exist, part of me just accepted that that was how my Papaw lost his finger. Papaw always was a practical joker.

My Papaw was a very special man. Anyone who has ever met him can attest to that. I know everyone says that after people pass away, but he really was. I have been blessed not once, but twice with 2 amazing Papaws, and I know God must have a special place in Heaven for them. even though I didn't get to see him very much, I feel like I still got a glimpse into the man my grandfather was by the man my father is-hard working, always there to encourage, and always there to make a joke. I think that if my Papaw had half of my Dad's sense of humor he must have been a very funny man. As I listened to my Aunt Leisa read her letter to him, as she talked about how he coached her teams and how he was the best dad, I thought about my Dad and how he was just like my Papaw. So even though I struggle in my memories of my Papaw, I feel like he lives on in my dad, in my uncle and in my aunt. That's his legacy-to all their faults(they will all tell you they have none, too) they are some of the best, most well intentioned people you could ever meet. My Papaw lives on in them and the world is better for it.

I want to continue to live my life in light of the lessons I learned from my Papaw. Life is too short to be sad, too short to be mad, and too short not to tell someone that you love them. Hug the people you love and there's always time for a sense of humor.

I love you Papaw.