welcome home

you really have no idea how excited a 2 year old can be until you take everything she owns away from her for 10 weeks, and then give it all back to her on one day.

our household goods shipment arrived today and as the men started unloading the truck, bella stood on her stool looking out the window.

"my HORSE!!!!!" this is of course a horse she had not sat on or looked at once since she got it for christmas last year. but today, she sat on her horse for no less than 30 minutes, yelling, "giddy up, horsey!!!".

she was even excited for her time out chair. seriously. she said, "mommy, LOOK!! it's my time out chair!!"

we opened one of her boxes and it was full of stuffed animals and purses. as i was unpacking some kitchen stuff (how in the WORLD have we accumulated SO much kitchen stuff??) she came sauntering in with all of her purses around her neck. "look mommy! my PURSES!!"

it's really sweet when she pulls each animal out and says, "my yaya got me dis one. OH dis one i got for my birfday! mommy, let's read cooper a story! (that little hallmark bear)". it's heartwarming.

our plan though, is to take this opportunity to slowly go through her things and get rid of a lot of it-donate most of it, maybe sell some. but the blessing that comes with each PCS is learning how much you really can exist without. for instance, while cooking some dishes has been complicated by the lack of certain things-casserole dishes, crockpots and measuring spoons and cups-i definitely didn't miss all the random cups and gadgets that really are just taking up space until i use it once a year.

each time we move, we are baffled at how much we have-most of it is truly garbage (i feel mildly like a hoarder each time we get our delivery). crafting supplies that are half used, baskets that have no purpose (but are wicker and pinterest says there are 100 uses for wicker baskets so i CAN'T throw them out!), pens, tape, spices (yes, they will pack your spices if you don't toss them) that are all hardened. and random furniture that we have collected. each time we move, our houses are vastly different, and so we get set up for that place. our last house was just 3 bedrooms, but it was an older house and so the rooms were large and spacious. which means we had plenty of space for all our stuff. as a matter of fact, there were times it felt like we couldn't quite fill the place out (which i was just fine with) but this place is small. about 600 sq ft smaller, with less open spaces.

as i am unpacking everything, it is becoming a bit overwhelming and tough to see the light, but i've already gotten 6 boxes for the thrift shop and haven't even really unpacked much, so i feel like that's progress.

i guess i will probably disappear for the next week or 2 until most of this stuff is sorted out and organized. pray for me. .....

pumpkins and castles. this is a fairy tale life.

saturday, we enjoyed the beginning of the fall season with a trip to ludwigsburg, germany, to enjoy the pumpkin festival. the festival was on the castle grounds and was absolutely awesome. it was pretty warm, so it didn't exactly feel like fall, but it is still september.

there were pumpkins everywhere, as you can imagine, and the theme was "switzerland". there were pumpkin structures of all types-the matterhorn, a swiss army knife, cows, all things switzerland. plus a few other things that weren't exactly swiss, but were interesting, all the same.

 

we ate pumpkin burgers (delicious!), pumpkin soup (amazing!!!) and some of us got to partake in pumpkin wine. being 31 weeks pregnant, i smelled some. and then bought 2 bottles. 

i think the coolest part about the grounds was the marchengarten-a kiddy land, based on popular fairytales. it was a permanent structure and was pretty awesome. 

some days, i look around and am kind of amazed at where we are. it wasn't all sunshine and roses getting here, but we have been here for a little over 7 weeks and things are finally starting to feel a little easier and real. 

adjusting to change is something i have always had a hard time doing, even though i have changed so many times now, you would think i would be a old pro at it. i think i crave routine just enough and moving definitely has no routine to it-especially moving to another country.

this has, by far, been our most difficult move to date. being displaced with an almost 3 year old, a big dog, a big ol' belly, for such an extended amount of time and in a foreign country is a bit overwhelming. made more difficult by the fact that the person i have been over the past 7 weeks, is not the person i identify myself as. 

i am generally pretty evenly keeled-not overly emotional or easily stressed out, and i feel like i generally take emotional situations in stride-deployments and tdy's usually don't ruffle my feathers much. but during this move, i have cried more times than i would like to admit, and still after 7 weeks of being in the country, i get very easily stressed and overwhelmed. i have been blaming it on being pregnant and sleeping on, what my husband so poignantly calls, a hobo's bedroll. 

we receive our household goods shipment in 2 days, and my hope is that with a few good nights of sleep we will all be a little less grumpy. 

been a long time gone

i realize it has been a day and a half since the last time i posted. so i will do a brief run down.

-joel deployed last year in may, and i stopped writing because there was little i could say of the stuff that consumed my every moment. he was literally on a top secret kind of assignment, and there was very little he could tell me, and even less i could tell anyone else. so for the sake of OPSEC (operational security-a military term akin to "loose lips sink ships") i shut 'er down.

-he returned, safely, 6 months later with a few awards and no stories to share (officially)

-we found out in march-ish that we were expecting our second little one, then found out shortly after we are having a little girl. i am due 9 november, making me 31 weeks right now!

-we also found out in march that we would be soon moving to germany. we arrived here mid july and have been enjoying the sights and smells (well, not all the smells) since.
------------

so that's the highlights. a lot of other things happened, but nothing really worth mentioning. i absolutely love germany, but have definitely dealt a little with the isolation that being half way around the world with limited internet connectivity and having no cell phone can bring.

bella is now almost 3 and i have been planning her birthday while trying to prepare for the new baby. we haven't received our household goods yet, which makes it 9 weeks since i've seen my comfy bed, or any of the other things i have almost forgotten i own. but they should be here by the end of next week and i will be in hog heaven!

i have started really feeling the need to nest, which leads me to a lot of frustration, as we only have what we came over here with (3 suitcases, 1 of which was entirely filled with uniforms and military accouterments) and the few items we have bought out of necessity (pillows and blankets and a few pieces of cool weather clothes).

for now, i will leave you with some pictures of the few weeks we have been here.

main street (hauptstrasse), heidelberg, germany

heidelberg

walking up to the castle in heidelberg

heidelberg, over the neckar river

Auf Wiedersehen!! 

"drama" should be her first name. last name? queen.

when i first had bella, i felt like i had entered the part of my life i was made for. infancy came so naturally. i never wavered,  never questioned. honestly, i wasn't as tired as i expected to be, though i wasn't running any marathons. it felt so right. 

look at that sweet face! that 5 month old was perfect.

then bella turned one.

she has always been active, doing everything early and then running with it to the extreme. but toddler hood presented a whole new ballgame. when bella was around 15 months, i started slipping. i forgot stuff. i was tired all of a sudden, even though she was finally sleeping 11 hours through the night. i couldn't handle everything. i started to break. i just felt overwhelmed and out of my element. 

i know baby, i'm crying too.

bella would get herself into trouble, but was too young, seemingly to effectively discipline with timeouts and reasoning (ever try to reason with a one year old? it simply feels ridiculous. like trying to reason with your toilet which, by the way, also is ridiculous.). she would run into the street with reckless abandon. diaper changes became nightmares, especially in public, where she would flail wildly and scream as though i were branding her. putting on clothes? forget it. i may as well have laid a searing hot chain link vest on her skin. and that's not the worst of it. everything was a fight-getting into her car seat, getting out of her car seat, getting into her stroller, getting out of her stroller. when i put her oatmeal in the microwave, she would crumple to the floor, weeping as though her heart was breaking. 90 seconds of pure agonizing hunger that she could not overcome and would surely lead to her death.

to say she was a drama queen is quite an understatement. 

at 18 months, i think we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. she listens a little better. i tell her no or to go do something and she actually does it, most of the time with a smile on her face. she brings me diapers and lays on the ground for a change. she picks out her clothes and actually lets me put them on, though now getting them off seems to key her in that it's almost bed time. 

i'm not naive enough to believe that the terrible toddler days are over. i know we still have plenty ahead of us. but i hope that they will be fewer and farther between. she is getting better at calmly communicating what she wants, although she forgets a lot and resorts to screaming. 

mostly though, i feel like i'm gaining back some control. i never understood how kids could grow up to be such sassy, bossy people. but i'm pretty sure that somewhere around 18 months, their parents probably had a nervous breakdown and never recovered. fortunately, i think my resolve is a little stronger than hers, and i will hopefully come out on the other side victorious. 

we shall see...........

18 month brag post

i'm not really sure where the time went. but last week, bella turned 18 months. it seems like it should be a big age to celebrate for some reason. before she was born, i felt bad that she would have a birthday so close to christmas. i decided she should have half birthdays instead, so she would feel special. yeah. that never happened. i'm pretty sure that was not my best idea ever.

so, here is the obligatory 18 month old stat post. enjoy.

bella and her cousin at the pool

height: 32 1/2 inches (70%)

weight: 25 lbs 1.5 oz (75%)

head: 19 1/4 (95%) 

as you can see, she still has a big ol' noggin. it just looks smaller now because she has so much hair, i think. 

her hair is still blond and curly. eyes brown. she gets tan like me-quick and dark, even covered in sunscreen. she kind of looks like a little surfer chick when she's been in the sun a lot. 

her favorite toys are her little people, her leap pad, her baby doll with accessories and her trains. her favorite clothing store (read: mommy's favorite kids clothing store) is still gymboree and target. her favorite books are daddy's girl by garrison keillor, the cooper books with cooper the bear from hallmark, and where's my mommy by sarah smith. she loves reading and i will often find her laying on her back with a book up in the air, acting like she is reading. 

bella, showing mommy her colors

crazy!

she can eat with a fork and spoon and drink from a big girl cup, which she now prefers to sippy's. she can point to most of her colors, and count to 4. when we sing the abc's, she sings along on key and in time, though she doesn't really say the actual letters. until you get to q. we usually stop and let her say it. 

she loves to be outside, and just today came up to me and said, "shi-shi's on. inna go ow-sy" (shoes on. i wanna go outside). she has spent lots of time in the pool this summer and she can hold her breath and go underwater and can ever kick and pull like she is swimming. she jumps off the side to me, but only after telling me to "waaaaaay" (wait) while she hold up one finger, and then counting to 3. 

"waaaaaay"

she has lots of words and she is putting together 2 and 3 word sentences, and sometimes more (like today). she is very expressive and lets you know exactly what she is thinking or what she wants. you would think that would make my life easier. alas, no. now, i just constantly have a 1 year old bossing me around. "ina schrawberry! ina schrawberry!" "go ow-sy!!!" "duke in baroom!!! duke in baroom!! AHHHHH!" (duke's in the bathroom! she is such a tattle tale!) and lately, when i don't move fast enough, she picks up my feet and starts moving them forward. i don't know where she gets her bossiness from....mother, don't say a word! 

at the lake

but, as bossy as she has become, she is also very VERY sweet. she hugs and kisses all the time. if you tell her "i love you" she blows you a kiss. she walks up to you when you are doing just about anything and will kiss your leg, your arm, your back, anything that is close to her. 

she is still rear facing in the car seat and sleeps in her crib. she mostly puts herself to sleep at night and sleeps all night long. she still is wearing cloth diapers, but we recently bought a potty and have been working on her sitting on it and talking about going "pee pee in the potty". we are doing a no pressure potty training, meaning we don't have any expectations as far as a timeline, and i don't make her sit for hours on the potty. 

i guess that's about it. she just went down for a nap, so that means i need to clean up the wake of her destruction. if i thought it was bad when she was one, it's 10 times worse 6 months later. 

dear blog.

dear blog,

i have neglected you. when we started out, i wrote every day. i was passionate about unloading my thoughts and sending them into the blogosphere. and then i started writing every other day. things were getting busier around here and i justified cutting back. html doesn't have feelings, afterall. but then, i only seldom wrote, when i had time. which, in the world of toddler hood, is practically non existent. so i drifted away. letting go of our little fling. it was fun while it lasted.

but then words jumbled around in my mind. sometimes, complete thoughts would actually form, which had become somewhat of a rarity. i wanted to write again, but it had been so long, i felt like i would have to explain and offer excuses. and that just seemed so trite. so i stayed away.

but now, i think, i am back. i can't promise that things will be the same as they were before, blog. now, my time on the computer is usually spent video chatting with joel, who is half a world away, and honestly, i don't think about you much then. every other moment of the day is spent on the phone with insurance companies and lawyers and realtors or chasing around the busiest toddler mankind has ever known. these sound like excuses maybe, still. but, blog? this is what happens when you are aan adult (and a real person). you have more important things. you find different things that make you happy. you grow up. you move on. you change and evolve.

for now, just be happy that i think of you often and i will be writing more. but don't get greedy, blog. it's not all about you anymore.

j.

susta review

i am not a baker. i am a giant failure in the cooking sweet morsely goodness department. and honestly, i try to avoid processed white sugar as much as possible. but when i was asked to try a new natural sweetener called SUSTA, i accepted, thinking it would be an interesting opportunity to try some not so bad for you sugary snacks.

{photo credit}

a few facts:

• SUSTA is an all natural sweetener that is a low glycemic index food. meaniing, when you use SUSTA as a substitute for sugar, it won't give you that sugar rush followed by a crash. in other words, it doesn't affect your blood sugar levels as badly, making it great for people suffering from diabetes. 
• SUSTA is low calorie. each packet contains only 5 calories.
• SUSTA contains fiber and probiotics which aid in digestion.
• SUSTA is safe for use in pregnant/nursing women, children and those with diabetes. 
• there are no chemicals or processed ingredients. 

{photo credit}

i was sent a box of SUSTA packets and also a bag of their product called SUSTAbowl, which is just loose SUSTA in a bag to use in baking. the information sheet informed me to only substitute the sugar in a recipe up to half, so it would be half sugar, half SUSTA. 

first things first, i'm a southern girl and love some sweet tea. it was time to make some more anyway, so i decided to try replacing half of the sugar with SUSTA. i made my tea as usual, but replaced half a cup of sugar with SUSTA, and then added a half cup regular sugar. 

my first impression was that it was WAY sweeter than i expected. i usually use 1 1/2 cups of sugar when i make tea, and i think that is pretty tame, but this SUSTA tea was more sweet than that. it also had a little bit of a fruity taste, which was not something i cared for. it didn't taste bad, just not like the tea i like to drink on a regular basis.

my second attempt at tasting it was by substituting the sugar in cookies. like i said, i am not a baker. i don't know anything about baking, and as a matter of fact, i burned out my hand mixer tonight and almost lit the house on fire. this is why i buy pre-made cookies or cookie dough. but i figured the best way to really tell if it was good, was to..well.....use it. 

i decided upon the most basic sugar cookies i could find. i made the recipe and the first thing i noticed was the consistency was a little different than i am used to. it could have been my terrible baking skills, or the SUSTA, but i couldn't quite get the sugar mixture and butter to cream and it remained grainy. i added in the dry ingredients and and finished mixing (cue smoke and flash). 

i rolled out the cookies onto a cookie sheet and baked them according to the recipe. another thing i noticed was that the cookies didn't flatten out like most cookie dough does. it stayed exactly like how i dropped it. 

after they cooled, i grabbed a few and a glass of milk and got to tasting. it was all very scientific. i ate a bite, swirled it around in my mouth...no wait.....that's wine.......scratch that. i took a bite, and my first reaction was that it was sweeter than i am used to. *mental note: next time use less sugar all together* this turns out to be a good thing! SUSTA is so sweet that you don't need to use as much to get the desired sweetness from your food. so, yay! less sugar! the cookies were actually really delicious. i could tell there was a difference, but it wasn't a bad difference. 

there is an odd feeling in your mouth after consuming it. i can't explain it well, but it is almost like after you spray throat spray in your mouth. no taste, just like your breath is a lot cooler or something. i'd say that might be the only negative to the product. 

some pros:

• because it's sweeter than normal sugar, you can use less meaning you get the same sweetness for less money and less calories.
• it's good for you. 
• it's a low glycemic index food
• it's low calorie and low carb, so it's great even when you are dieting

some cons:

• the feeling after you eat it is a little weird
• it takes a few times to get the amount right.

the website has several recipes (that i saw after making my cookies) that include SUSTA, and sound really yummy.