{cloth diaper}confession

i have a confession. 

we have been on hiatus from cloth diapering. 

holywha!?omg?!?! 

yeah, right. i'm sure that's what most of you are thinking. more likely, you're probably thinking, "who cares?". but i have had a hard time admitting this. we have been on our break for about 4 weeks. though, it seems like a lot longer.

we encountered some bacterial buildup in some of the diapers we use the most, and i tried EVERYTHING to strip them, but bella's rash was so wicked that she would wake up screaming at night, and it didn't make sense to see my daughter in so much pain that was unnecessary (she only did this 2 nights....i didn't let it go on long).  so we switched until i could get it fixed. we have been going about half and half-i bought some new diapers, and threw those in the mix of the ones that didn't seem to bother her, and would cloth diaper one day, then use sposies the next, while i did laundry. we are transitioning back to total cloth now, but i have learned quite a bit about my role as a mother and some of my insecurities through this experience.

1. taking a break is not failure. this was hard for me. when i decided to cloth diaper, i researched a lot and made an informed decision. i met a LOT of resistance. mostly, passive aggressive resistance in the form of, "that will never last" or "i don't see you doing that for long". when we switched, i was afraid to admit to many of these people that we were in disposables, because i didn't want to admit failure. because i knew that "we didn't give up. we are just doing it temporarily." would warrant responses along the lines of, "yeah right. you'll never go back". i didn't want to admit my failure and watch as the world laughed at me. but i realized that it's not about success or failure as a parent. so something you felt passionate about didn't work out, or isn't working in the moment. the important thing is that the child's best interest is put first.

2. just because you want something to work, doesn't mean it will. it also doesn't mean that it has to. it's a matter of balance. with every decision we make i ask 3 questions: 

1-is it good for bella? 

2-is it good for me/the family? 

3-is it good for our environment (mother nature/our budget, etc.)? 

if the answer to all 3 questions is yes, then we will do it. it might still be challenging. these questions aren't disqualified by obstacles. but if they benefit all of us, then we try our best to proceed. in this case, the cloth were not benefiting bella-she had a painful rash that couldn't be treated or made to go away that kept her up all night and it didn't benefit us-bella was up all night. so we stopped until things got better and were figured out.. 

3. most of the time, the only people who care about my decisions are those impacted directly. bella, joel, me. and consequently, these are the only opinions that should weigh heavily in my decisions. i have tried so hard to do things (my whole life) the right way. being a mother and choosing an alternative way to raise my child is teaching me that sometimes the right way, is not always the best way. just because it's the "right" way to do something, it doesn't mean it's best for our family and our situations. i need to let go of that pride that makes me want to be right. 

i needed to air this laundry, so to speak. i have been way to caught up with not wanting to fail, that i literally had a back-and-forth in my mind at each diaper change.

we are getting back into the full swing, but it's not entirely easy-squishy poopy diapers are definitely easier to deal with when you don't have to deal with them.....

which brings me to my final point, having a great wet bag can make all the difference. going back to cloth means going back to poop being flushed. bella doesn't have solid poop. (i am so sorry future bella. hopefully there will be an internet revolution and everything printed before you are 16 will disappear. that will never happen assuming that doesn't happen, i apologize. and this won't be the last thing i do that embarrasses you. i promise.) so we need sprayers. but when you are changing a very squishy, very poopy diaper in public, sprayers are not always handy. that's where my new snuggy baby wet bag comes into play. i took that stinky diaper along with me for almost 8 hour in the wet bag, and it sat in there for another few once we were home until i could take care of it. i did a sniff test right before i opened it and I. SMELLED. NOTHING. i kid you not. plus also? it's super cute. 

if you are in the market for a new wet bag, head over there now and use the discount code: justanotherdayinparadise for 10% off now through march 15th.