oh, woe is me.

i'm not one of those ladies who enjoys pregnancy.

i'll come right out and say it: with the exception of the outcome, i hate it.

i love babies. i want lots of kids (by lots i mean, give me 6 months to see how 2 goes, but i probably want more, after i forget what pregnancy is like). and i am SUPER grateful that i even possess the ability to conceive and carry a child.

but this 40 weeks of torture is just not my bag, baby.

i spend about the first 18-20 weeks sick. don't say/cook/think/look like any meat product, or i might ralph on your face.

in both pregnancies, weeks 18ish-30 have included moving across the globe-so i can't truly speak to the miserableness of pregnancy in that time frame. but let's just say that if i get pregnant in 3 years, someone shoot me.

finally, the downward slide from 30-40 weeks for me include a return of morning sickness, heartburn that won't quit, the inability to breathe and eat, RBS (restless body syndrome-totes made that up), combated by an overall sense of "someone hand me a pillow, i will sleep right here, thankyouverymuch."

ugh.

and all those doctors visits? every 2 weeks i feel like an animal. i miss my appointments in the states, quite honestly. the novelty of having an ultrasound every appointment went out the window when i also have 3.5 hours of poking and prodding and listening and feeling to get through. with a toddler in tow.

so all that complaining aside-today i had an appointment. i will be 35 weeks on friday, so the misery is almost over. glory be.

i lost weight. am showing no signs of pre-term delivery. but my blood pressure is kind of high, and that whole "i can't breathe" thing is leading me to a date with an ekg machine. boo-hiss. i'm sure it's because there is zero room left for lungs what with a baby in there and all, but the doctor didn't think it was very funny. and i've been given magnesium, for the restlessness that keeps me up all night.

the trouble is, i get very little feedback at my appointments, and it's mostly the doctor talking to the nurse in german. i'm all, "wait, what was that?" and they're all, "oh, you're fine". but i definitely heard "pre-eclampsia" and "high blood pressure" which scare the pants off of me.

my hospital doesn't have a NICU, which means if there are any baby complications, she will be sent to another hospital, while i hang out in this one for 4 days. that kind of ruins all my plans, man. so, i will be praying for nothing to go wrong, am cutting out red meat and anything else that spikes blood pressure, and maybe i will start drinking red wine.....that lowers BP, right???

seriously, i'm pretty sure everything is a-ok, because no one sent me home with any instructions, per se.

the good news is, the baby is steady freddy, and i am still wearing normal clothes (pants mostly, and about 75% of my shirts) which rocks my socks off, because maternity clothes kind of cramp my style. which is to say, i am just too cheap to buy clothes i will wear for 2 months, and then by the time i am on the next kid will be unfortunately dated. but i am enjoying wearing leggings like, 24/7. and lately will put on anything that is clean, or at least doesn't stand on its own.

i couldn't help myself. 

by the way?? it's october!!!!! that is one thing i am not complaining about. the weather is fan-freaking-tastic, and it's finally fall!