toddler rules

there are so many things i love about toddlerhood. they are independent, they start having their own ideas and likes. they are imaginative and funny. it's a fun time of mischief and innocence. and rottenness.

rules of a toddler

1. if you have something i like, it's mine and i will beg, borrow, steal and act a fool until you cave and give it to me.
2. if you are doing something important, i will need to be right on top of you.
3. if you are enjoying yourself, i will need a snack/drink/to potty/your help/a kiss/a hug/a timeout.
4. if you are driving, i will need to exercise my freedom of speech and will scream at the top of my lungs for no good reason.
5. if you are tired, i will be wide awake.
6. if you tell me not to do something, i will do it.
7. if it's expensive, i will want it.
8. if it's expensive, i will break it.
9. if it's cheap and flimsy, it will last forever.
10. if it's small, it will find its way under your foot.
11. if you are throwing it away, it will be my favorite thing ever.
12. if it makes lots of noise, it will also be my favorite thing ever. but only if it's on the highest sound setting.
13. if it makes a mess, i will find it when you aren't looking.
14. if it's clean, quite and doesn't have a lot of small pieces, i am not interested. especially if it costs a lot and you have to work really hard to get it.
15. if you dress me in white, i will spill something red on it.
16. if you dress me in black, i will spill something crusty and neon colored on it.
17. if you dress me in expensive pants, i will slide down a grassy hill.
18. if you dress me in cheap pants, i will not get a single spot on them.
19. mom. mommy. mommy. mom. mama. moooooooom. do you see me? do you see me? do you see me? mom. mommy. mommy. mom. mom. MOOOOOOOOM! do. you. seeeee me? DOYOUSEEME!!!!!
20. if you need to be somewhere on time, i will choose that moment to need to poop/pee/throw up RIGHTTHISSECOND!
21. if i fall, stub my toe, scratch my leg too hard, bite my tongue, or if someone looks at me funny, i will need you to hug me and kiss it all better.
22. the minute you think you have figured me out, i will change my mind.
23. i need a schnack.
24. you just sat down? i need a drink.
25. you're using the bathroom? i need you rightnowrightnowRIGHTNOW!