he's deploying

joel came home the other day, bursting at the seams to tell me something.

"i found out about my deployment."

my initial response? ::stone faced::

"uh, huh? ok, what's that mean?"

see, i knew he was deploying in the next cycle. i mean, it was definitely his time. when he got this job, it was with the understanding that he would be deployed. a lot. we will have been here 2 years this summer and he has only gone on 2 deployments, both less than 3 months in length. haiti, for relief (which was incredibly rewarding, but i think emotionally difficult), and jordan (which ended up being more of a vacation, taking him to all kinds of awesome historical spots). 

"well, i got a date. and a place. but i can't talk about it" he informs me, all casually.

"uh, huh? ok, what's that mean?" i repeat.

"um, babe. i can't talk about it." 

"uh, huh? what's that mean?" 

"are you listening to me!? i can't talk about it. but here are my dates."

they are pretty far off. 

"ooooh, whew. i thought you were leaving like, next week or something"

"nooo. noooo. oh, but i do leave for training first. and it's a few months long"

"which means..........so wait. not a few months off, then? you're leaving......like, soon."

"yep"

ok. alright. that's it. like i said, i KNEW he was leaving. but there were no dates. no times. no places. it was happening, but since we didn't know when or where, it wasn't really in my plane of existence. it wasn't real. 

now it's real. and surprisingly? i am ok with it. 

::gasp!! shock and horror!!::

"you're OK with your husband deploying for most of the year?!?!"

yes. i am. because this is what i signed on for when i married a man in uniform. i knew we were in war time. i knew he was commissioning into the military. and i knew the implications. and when i decided he was worth it? well, that's when i said, "yes". and i said yes to everything that entailed. 

did i know everything i would experience? absolutely no way. but i vowed that, for better or for worse, i would love and support him. 

here's the thing. it must be hard for him-leaving his wife and one year old. leaving convenience and entertainment. leaving friends and his dog. leaving a warm bed and safety and routine. i get to sleep in my bed, eat my fatty, too-big sized portions of comfort food, play with my ever changing child, and enjoy all of my modern conveniences. so why should i complain? will i miss him? abso-freakin-lutely. but i am sacrificing nothing compared to what he is giving up. 

i am pretty independent, by nature. and i think that's something joel appreciates. he knows he doesn't have to worry about me, and that's one less thing he has on his plate. my job, as his wife, is to support him and make what he does, easier. and that's what i try to do. 

deployments are never easy. it throws off routine and order. and right when you get settled into doing it on your own, they come back, and there is a NEW adjustment period. but when you marry someone in uniform, you have to know that's what you are getting in to.

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