"drama" should be her first name. last name? queen.

when i first had bella, i felt like i had entered the part of my life i was made for. infancy came so naturally. i never wavered,  never questioned. honestly, i wasn't as tired as i expected to be, though i wasn't running any marathons. it felt so right. 

look at that sweet face! that 5 month old was perfect.

then bella turned one.

she has always been active, doing everything early and then running with it to the extreme. but toddler hood presented a whole new ballgame. when bella was around 15 months, i started slipping. i forgot stuff. i was tired all of a sudden, even though she was finally sleeping 11 hours through the night. i couldn't handle everything. i started to break. i just felt overwhelmed and out of my element. 

i know baby, i'm crying too.

bella would get herself into trouble, but was too young, seemingly to effectively discipline with timeouts and reasoning (ever try to reason with a one year old? it simply feels ridiculous. like trying to reason with your toilet which, by the way, also is ridiculous.). she would run into the street with reckless abandon. diaper changes became nightmares, especially in public, where she would flail wildly and scream as though i were branding her. putting on clothes? forget it. i may as well have laid a searing hot chain link vest on her skin. and that's not the worst of it. everything was a fight-getting into her car seat, getting out of her car seat, getting into her stroller, getting out of her stroller. when i put her oatmeal in the microwave, she would crumple to the floor, weeping as though her heart was breaking. 90 seconds of pure agonizing hunger that she could not overcome and would surely lead to her death.

to say she was a drama queen is quite an understatement. 

at 18 months, i think we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. she listens a little better. i tell her no or to go do something and she actually does it, most of the time with a smile on her face. she brings me diapers and lays on the ground for a change. she picks out her clothes and actually lets me put them on, though now getting them off seems to key her in that it's almost bed time. 

i'm not naive enough to believe that the terrible toddler days are over. i know we still have plenty ahead of us. but i hope that they will be fewer and farther between. she is getting better at calmly communicating what she wants, although she forgets a lot and resorts to screaming. 

mostly though, i feel like i'm gaining back some control. i never understood how kids could grow up to be such sassy, bossy people. but i'm pretty sure that somewhere around 18 months, their parents probably had a nervous breakdown and never recovered. fortunately, i think my resolve is a little stronger than hers, and i will hopefully come out on the other side victorious. 

we shall see...........

18 month brag post

i'm not really sure where the time went. but last week, bella turned 18 months. it seems like it should be a big age to celebrate for some reason. before she was born, i felt bad that she would have a birthday so close to christmas. i decided she should have half birthdays instead, so she would feel special. yeah. that never happened. i'm pretty sure that was not my best idea ever.

so, here is the obligatory 18 month old stat post. enjoy.

bella and her cousin at the pool

height: 32 1/2 inches (70%)

weight: 25 lbs 1.5 oz (75%)

head: 19 1/4 (95%) 

as you can see, she still has a big ol' noggin. it just looks smaller now because she has so much hair, i think. 

her hair is still blond and curly. eyes brown. she gets tan like me-quick and dark, even covered in sunscreen. she kind of looks like a little surfer chick when she's been in the sun a lot. 

her favorite toys are her little people, her leap pad, her baby doll with accessories and her trains. her favorite clothing store (read: mommy's favorite kids clothing store) is still gymboree and target. her favorite books are daddy's girl by garrison keillor, the cooper books with cooper the bear from hallmark, and where's my mommy by sarah smith. she loves reading and i will often find her laying on her back with a book up in the air, acting like she is reading. 

bella, showing mommy her colors

crazy!

she can eat with a fork and spoon and drink from a big girl cup, which she now prefers to sippy's. she can point to most of her colors, and count to 4. when we sing the abc's, she sings along on key and in time, though she doesn't really say the actual letters. until you get to q. we usually stop and let her say it. 

she loves to be outside, and just today came up to me and said, "shi-shi's on. inna go ow-sy" (shoes on. i wanna go outside). she has spent lots of time in the pool this summer and she can hold her breath and go underwater and can ever kick and pull like she is swimming. she jumps off the side to me, but only after telling me to "waaaaaay" (wait) while she hold up one finger, and then counting to 3. 

"waaaaaay"

she has lots of words and she is putting together 2 and 3 word sentences, and sometimes more (like today). she is very expressive and lets you know exactly what she is thinking or what she wants. you would think that would make my life easier. alas, no. now, i just constantly have a 1 year old bossing me around. "ina schrawberry! ina schrawberry!" "go ow-sy!!!" "duke in baroom!!! duke in baroom!! AHHHHH!" (duke's in the bathroom! she is such a tattle tale!) and lately, when i don't move fast enough, she picks up my feet and starts moving them forward. i don't know where she gets her bossiness from....mother, don't say a word! 

at the lake

but, as bossy as she has become, she is also very VERY sweet. she hugs and kisses all the time. if you tell her "i love you" she blows you a kiss. she walks up to you when you are doing just about anything and will kiss your leg, your arm, your back, anything that is close to her. 

she is still rear facing in the car seat and sleeps in her crib. she mostly puts herself to sleep at night and sleeps all night long. she still is wearing cloth diapers, but we recently bought a potty and have been working on her sitting on it and talking about going "pee pee in the potty". we are doing a no pressure potty training, meaning we don't have any expectations as far as a timeline, and i don't make her sit for hours on the potty. 

i guess that's about it. she just went down for a nap, so that means i need to clean up the wake of her destruction. if i thought it was bad when she was one, it's 10 times worse 6 months later. 

dear blog.

dear blog,

i have neglected you. when we started out, i wrote every day. i was passionate about unloading my thoughts and sending them into the blogosphere. and then i started writing every other day. things were getting busier around here and i justified cutting back. html doesn't have feelings, afterall. but then, i only seldom wrote, when i had time. which, in the world of toddler hood, is practically non existent. so i drifted away. letting go of our little fling. it was fun while it lasted.

but then words jumbled around in my mind. sometimes, complete thoughts would actually form, which had become somewhat of a rarity. i wanted to write again, but it had been so long, i felt like i would have to explain and offer excuses. and that just seemed so trite. so i stayed away.

but now, i think, i am back. i can't promise that things will be the same as they were before, blog. now, my time on the computer is usually spent video chatting with joel, who is half a world away, and honestly, i don't think about you much then. every other moment of the day is spent on the phone with insurance companies and lawyers and realtors or chasing around the busiest toddler mankind has ever known. these sound like excuses maybe, still. but, blog? this is what happens when you are aan adult (and a real person). you have more important things. you find different things that make you happy. you grow up. you move on. you change and evolve.

for now, just be happy that i think of you often and i will be writing more. but don't get greedy, blog. it's not all about you anymore.

j.

susta review

i am not a baker. i am a giant failure in the cooking sweet morsely goodness department. and honestly, i try to avoid processed white sugar as much as possible. but when i was asked to try a new natural sweetener called SUSTA, i accepted, thinking it would be an interesting opportunity to try some not so bad for you sugary snacks.

{photo credit}

a few facts:

• SUSTA is an all natural sweetener that is a low glycemic index food. meaniing, when you use SUSTA as a substitute for sugar, it won't give you that sugar rush followed by a crash. in other words, it doesn't affect your blood sugar levels as badly, making it great for people suffering from diabetes. 
• SUSTA is low calorie. each packet contains only 5 calories.
• SUSTA contains fiber and probiotics which aid in digestion.
• SUSTA is safe for use in pregnant/nursing women, children and those with diabetes. 
• there are no chemicals or processed ingredients. 

{photo credit}

i was sent a box of SUSTA packets and also a bag of their product called SUSTAbowl, which is just loose SUSTA in a bag to use in baking. the information sheet informed me to only substitute the sugar in a recipe up to half, so it would be half sugar, half SUSTA. 

first things first, i'm a southern girl and love some sweet tea. it was time to make some more anyway, so i decided to try replacing half of the sugar with SUSTA. i made my tea as usual, but replaced half a cup of sugar with SUSTA, and then added a half cup regular sugar. 

my first impression was that it was WAY sweeter than i expected. i usually use 1 1/2 cups of sugar when i make tea, and i think that is pretty tame, but this SUSTA tea was more sweet than that. it also had a little bit of a fruity taste, which was not something i cared for. it didn't taste bad, just not like the tea i like to drink on a regular basis.

my second attempt at tasting it was by substituting the sugar in cookies. like i said, i am not a baker. i don't know anything about baking, and as a matter of fact, i burned out my hand mixer tonight and almost lit the house on fire. this is why i buy pre-made cookies or cookie dough. but i figured the best way to really tell if it was good, was to..well.....use it. 

i decided upon the most basic sugar cookies i could find. i made the recipe and the first thing i noticed was the consistency was a little different than i am used to. it could have been my terrible baking skills, or the SUSTA, but i couldn't quite get the sugar mixture and butter to cream and it remained grainy. i added in the dry ingredients and and finished mixing (cue smoke and flash). 

i rolled out the cookies onto a cookie sheet and baked them according to the recipe. another thing i noticed was that the cookies didn't flatten out like most cookie dough does. it stayed exactly like how i dropped it. 

after they cooled, i grabbed a few and a glass of milk and got to tasting. it was all very scientific. i ate a bite, swirled it around in my mouth...no wait.....that's wine.......scratch that. i took a bite, and my first reaction was that it was sweeter than i am used to. *mental note: next time use less sugar all together* this turns out to be a good thing! SUSTA is so sweet that you don't need to use as much to get the desired sweetness from your food. so, yay! less sugar! the cookies were actually really delicious. i could tell there was a difference, but it wasn't a bad difference. 

there is an odd feeling in your mouth after consuming it. i can't explain it well, but it is almost like after you spray throat spray in your mouth. no taste, just like your breath is a lot cooler or something. i'd say that might be the only negative to the product. 

some pros:

• because it's sweeter than normal sugar, you can use less meaning you get the same sweetness for less money and less calories.
• it's good for you. 
• it's a low glycemic index food
• it's low calorie and low carb, so it's great even when you are dieting

some cons:

• the feeling after you eat it is a little weird
• it takes a few times to get the amount right.

the website has several recipes (that i saw after making my cookies) that include SUSTA, and sound really yummy.

i want my fat little angel back.

when bella was about 3 months old, my friend's baby was a toddler. i was visiting one day and witnessed her become exasperated, several times, with her rambunctious little one. she blew out a big breath and kind of slumped, defeated, into the ground. she sat up and looked at me and said, "she is driving me crazy today."

i looked to bella, all fat and sweet and stationary and found myself thinking, "i could never be that way with her.....she is so sweet."

famous last words.

skip to today. we're in target, and i am trying on a bathing suit (which is like, SO my favorite thing to do anyway) and bella is sitting in the stroller, screaming at the top of her lungs. as i fumble with the ties and try to keep myself from being exposed in the dressing room, she throws her water on the ground, but only after shaking out half of it onto her tray (and those are "supposed" to be leak proof. i'm beginning to believe that the only thing truly leak proof is an empty sippy). she screams again. throws her cow across the room. screams. throws. screams. 

this wasn't a tantrum, mind you. in between the screams, she was laughing. they were actually more like squeals than screams. 

"stopit." i said through clenched teeth.

scream.

"STOPITRIGHTNOW."

scream.

"you are going to be in somuchtrouble. STOPIT!!" 

SCREEEEAAAAM.

i start to sweat. her screams embarrass me and makes my blood boil. 

i take away all her toys and her sippy and put them in the bag. 

"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA"

i let out a deep breath, sit down and slump, defeated, into the bench. i look at bella. "you are driving me crazy today, you know that?" 

of course, we get home, and after lunch and some little einsteins, bella walks over to me, wraps her arms around my leg, pats me a few times, then she kisses my knee and says, "eyyyye duvvv yew". 

(this is terrible video quality, but you get the point)

my sister calls her a sour patch kid-first she's sour. then she's sweet. i'm pretty sure she was the inspiration behind their commercials. 

6 years.

this post is actually a little late. our anniversary was 5 days ago, but i was on my way to visit with joel for a few days . i spent the entire day driving, but it was most definitely worth it to spend one last weekend together. 

this is a weird way to start out our 7th year of marriage, apart and with little communication for half of it. but we will make it through. and we will be stronger for it. we always are. 

the first time i met you, i was moving into my dorm my sophomore year of college. i didn't know a soul except for my room mate, and as soon as i got my stuff down and my mom out the door, we were called to a floor meeting. our floor and the boys floor above us. you were the first to speak. you were confident, though not arrogant. you spoke with authority. and you were enthusiastic about the coming year. 

you planned fun events and made sure everyone was having as much fun as they wanted. you were silly and goofy and made people laugh. 

those were the first things i saw in you. and the first things i loved in you. 

that was 8 years ago, and i remember it like it was yesterday. since then, you have been my best friend. i can't imagine my life any other way than with you in it.

i have more fun,  i'm more challenged, i do more, i see more, i am more. 

seeing you as a dad has brought about a new love and respect that i could have never imagined. you are gentle and sweet and playful. bella adores you, which makes my heart sing. and you adore her which makes me melt. 

we've had our ups and downs, but through each moment we have been there, holding the other one and reminding them what's important. i can always count on you to say what i need to hear, even when it's not what i want to hear. 

on friday, we celebrated 6 years in a somewhat unorthodox way. most people go to fancy hotels and have nice big dinners with sparkly gifts exchanged. we celebrated by visiting you at your government approved hotel, in a military town far away. we took bella to the playground and then went to the mall and we ate dinner in the food court. we spent the weekend recording you reading new books you bought for the baby, swimming in the hotel pool and playing with the trains at barnes and noble. it was a bitter sweet weekend. each moment, i was reminded how much i would miss you and how much you and i had become one. just as we would be laughing about something only we would find funny, a though would pass through my mind and i would remember that at the end of the weekend, we would say goodbye, and i would start to cry. i've never felt so bi-polar in all my life. 

but it was also such an amazing way to spend those last few days-i think we both really cherished each moment we had.

 happy 6 years, babe. thank you for who you are. i love your energy and how you balance me out. you are smart, and funny, and charming, and creative. you make me laugh and you hold me when i cry. you are my other half. i'm going to miss you like crazy, but i am also so proud of you and i think you are pretty amazingly brave. 

i love you. more than words can say. 

must haves: summer edition

even though a cold front just came through, leaving us feeling more like early spring than almost summer, i have been gearing up for the sun filled afternoons that await us. this is my must haves list to get me through summer!

bento boxes from pottery barn kids

photo credit: pottery barn

there are tons of bento boxes out there now, but for the size and the price, i have found very few that compare to these.

california baby bug spray

photo credit: california baby

i don't know about the bug situation where you are, but around here? mosquitos and gnats are B.A.D. and i am so sugary sweet that they all flock to me. this stuff is chemical free and all natural, meaning i don't have to worry about the long term effects, only the fact that i will not be scratching my face off after enjoying a day by the pool. 

california baby face stick sunscreen

photo credit: california baby

while it is a little "zinc-y" (read: leaves white marks, making you look like the nerdy lifeguard, if you don't rub it in well enough) it is fragrance and chemical free, and all kinds of other harmful stuff free. safe for me, safe for bella, safe for the sun.

bubble outfits! starting with this one from chez ami.

photo credit: chez ami

a company based out of raleigh, nc, chez ami is a kids clothes home party company. they have the CUTEST stuff, and they are on facebook. if i didn't hate home parties so much, i would totally be a consultant for them. but you can order individual pieces! 

a gazillion bubble blower

photo credit: amazon.com

exactly what every parent needs for a baby who is as obsessed with bubbles as mine is.

an awesome baby pool, like the banzai baby sprinkles splish splash pool

photo credit: target.com

nothing beats the heat like running around in pools and sprinklers. and this one is awesome. bella was tentative for about 2 seconds. and don't think i don't climb in the bad boy with her. it's the perfect way to cool off. 

apple cheeks swim diapers

photo credit: apple cheeks, 

these are, by far, the best swim diapers i have found. 

something sweet from happy little lovelies. 

photo credit: happy little lovelies

they are so happy and oh so lovely!

an awesome photo app

i used action snap for android to take a picture of bella looking at her dada's picture. it's free on the android market. and it's awesomesauce. and because b will be in action all summer, this is the perfect app to catch her silliness. 

an awesome workout for a beach body.

i'm doing p90x. last time i did this workout, i lost 10 pounds in a month and then got pregnant. but i looked and felt great. time to start over, just in time to get beach body ready

happy summer!!!

in case you missed them, here are my spring must haves, that i also must have for the summer!