Sunday, May 10, 2009

learning to trust.

i have been humbled yet again by God's timing and plans. they say if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. well, God must have been crying He was laughing so hard at me over the past few months.

first, let me say that i have been anxious for the last year over several different things in my life--one-where we will be moving this summer, and two-trying to have a baby. we found out a few months ago that we will be moving to georgia. as i posted earlier, we were not expecting georgia. and i can even recall when we were helping someone get ready to move there, thinking "man, that would be a crappy assignment", and guess what.......

i was trying very hard to be excited about our move-we would be back in the south, close to our family, around all the great food we have missed so much, not to mention sweet tea. but still, deep down, i was disappointed. i couldn't help feeling bummed.

at the same time, i was feeling anxious about having a baby. we had been trying for a year and a half and had been unsuccessful. it was starting to feel hopeless. i had been seeing different dr.'s and just couldn't understand why it wasn't happening. all of my friends were starting to get pregnant, and most of them after only trying for a month or two! it didn't seem fair. i prayed about it, and i tried to reconcile myself to the fact that some people just can't have kids, and that maybe we could adopt, or foster. but deep in my heart, i felt sad and was, again, disappointed.

in both situations, i was trying too hard to understand why, rather than just letting God have the reins willingly, and trusting that He has a plan. i wanted things done my way, in my timing. and clearly, they weren't happening that way.

then, really when we least expected it we found out we were pregnant! suddenly, it all made sense. now, instead of being overseas with a new baby, we would be right in the middle of all of our family.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ"-phillipians 4:67

like i said before-i was anxious.....clearly not listening. and obviously (now) God's plans and peace transcend my feeble mind. i am very clearly humbled. =)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

why, georgia, why.......

well, we found out where we will be living for the next 4 years. if you couldn't tell from the title, we will be in georgia. officially we will be stationed at robins air force base in warner robins, georgia. i must say that, when we found out, i couldn't help but be disappointed. that is NOT anywhere on our list. for one-we picked all overseas bases. clearly that didn't happen. our backup list was charleston, tennessee, colorado, alaska and washington state.......not happenin either. what is going on!?

BUT then, as we sat at lunch, comisserating about being stationed in the "armpit of america", we began focussing on all the positives-we're half way between all of our family, an hour from atlanta and savannah, a few hours from the beach or mountains, we get 4 seasons, can get sweet tea EVERYWHERE we go, grits are readily available, and of course-ROADTRIPS!!! we haven't had a good roadtrip in years!

my lesson from this experience is this: i was so focused on the negative stuff since it wasn't where i was expecting. but once i changed my thought process, i realized that no matter where we live, it's what we make of it. wherever we go, we will find exciting and entertaining things to do. so we are headed back to the south, whether we like it or not.

plus, i know our families will be happy that we are going to be close. so that makes it all worth it.

Monday, February 9, 2009

busy as a bee.

some little updates:

1-we are now 3/4 of the way through our barrage of visitors. we have hosted my grandma and two of our friends from school so far, and we have my uncle coming out this friday. while we have thoroughly enjoyed all of our visitors and can't wait for uncle to make it out here, i will be very happy to have my house back in 2 weeks =)
joel, chris and duke playing in the waves

2-we bought our first piece of art friday. we were on the north shore and we walked into the wyland gallery (as we often do while we are there), and they were just setting up some new pieces from a (semi) local artist. they were beautiful. the artist was there that day and so he dedicated it to us on the back. the artists name is thom mardro and the piece is called "break point".

3-joel has recieved his orders that he will be getting promoted to captain this may. he will soon be recieving his unofficial orders on our pcs (permanent change of station). we should be finding out where we will be going next within the next month.

4-i start back to work this month. i have been off since december since it has been "too cold" for swimming. haha only in hawaii. i am pretty excited to get back in the water.

5-we will be listing our house in the next month or two. despite this little economic recession, we are hoping to sell it soon. we definitely are a little afraid of what our list price is going to be. most of the units in our area are going for about 80-100k less than we woud need to sell for, which is pretty scary. we are sure though that God will work things out. we are going to talk to the va people and see what they can do for us, as that's who our loan is through. we have been researching our options and we feel like there are a few options that we can explore.

6-joel and i have been painting a bit lately-he is picking it up for the first time and i am getting back into it. joel has actually been quite good. i am impressed and a little surprised =)

joel's painting

my painting

that's about it for now i think. i have had absolutely no time to update this, or even call my mom ;) hopefully next time i blog i will be updating where we will be moving next!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

questions unanswered and some storm clouds. but no fear.

this one is going to be short, and another won't follow for a week or so. my grandma is coming to visit me on saturday-which i am SO excited for-and i will be happily entertaining her for the week.

we are about 2-3 months from finding out our next station and 6-7 months from moving. the time seems to be flying by, and i am getting a little anxious over where we will be living next. will we be overseas or on the mainland? will we be at a large base or a small base? not that i
care-i am willing to go anywhere! but knowledge seems to be so comforting! i am reminded of the verse from philippians 4-“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. when i pray for guidance, i feel like a child, asking "why"; like my questions are so meaningless in the grand scheme of things-why is the grass green, why is the sky blue. i ask for clarity on where we will go next, why i am being brought through certain things right now, why i have to wait for certain things and i know that, when all is said and done, there is a purpose in everything i am going through. i know that when i am on the other side, i will turn and praise God for his provisions rather than ask why, but in the midst of the storm i can't help but wonder if there is a silver lining. i know what you are thinking-why so bleak when it is just over a station? well the simplest (and most vague) answer is-it's not. =) i am not ready to publicize that yet, but i know i am in the midst of a storm, and i am coming to a place where i am embracing it.

i personally love rain. the darker the clouds the better. living in hawaii, there aren't many big thunderstorms, but when they come i cherish every moment. i don't know why-i have for as long as i can remember. that being said-i don't really get too excited when i have a metaphorical storm in my life. but this time i am choosing to praise Him in the storm rather than fight it. that doesn't mean i am all together happy about my circumstances, but i am not going to allow that to control me. i know that in all things
God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. and i believe there is a purpose-no matter how tempted i am to think otherwise.

ok so maybe not short-i shouldn't put those disclaimers on anything i write i guess.

one more thing to update-
joel and i have recently been "church shopping" and have stumbled upon a place called imago dei. it is different (in a good way) but we are going to go a few more times before we settle anywhere. even though we only have a short time before we leave, we feel like it is important for us to find a place that fosters growth. we loved our old church, but we felt that we were beginning to become stagnant, and needed a little change. more to come on how that pans out.

overall-please pray for strength, understanding and peace for us over the next couple of months. here's to new adventures!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

My husband and I had an argument this morning. Something silly about why wine should be stored on it's side. I couldn't tell him exactly why (I remember now it's to keep the cork wet, of course), but I knew that I was right. His argument was that they take up too much space on our counter top and we could just as easily keep them on top of the fridge (another thing I knew you shouldn't do-heat and vibrations spoil it, but for some reason couldn't articulate). I knew simply this-keep them on their side, in a cool dark place. I couldn't give him the exact reasons-I knew I knew the reason but couldn't retrieve it right away for the sake of the argument. Anyway, thanks to the internet, we quickly resolved that issue.

Now, I know this is an incredibly minor argument. One that, on any other day, would have fallen under the radar. But today isn't any other day-it's the beginning of the new year. The day that resolutions are made (and surely not broken, until at least next month!). It started me thinking about this year, and other arguments I have had where I know that I am right but can't quite retrieve the information substantiating my point. I like to say it's the Mad Cow (a little Boston Legal humor...).

My point is, it happens a lot that, just because I am not an expert on certain information, I don't feel like I can back up my argument properly and my rhetoric becomes "I don't know why, I just know I'm right". That is a terrible way to win a fight, especially against some of the hard-nosed men in my life (which takes me down this whole other path of women are just as smart, sometimes more so, than men-but I'll save that for another time). I can very specifically remember 5 times in which I got into this battle of the minds where I was 100% right and the other guy was 100% wrong, but because I didn't have hard evidence (or a computer) to back me up, they said I couldn't possibly be right.

Not being one to back down from an argument, I think this year I may resolve to work out my brain a little more-retain information, read more, do those little Brain Age things, take some classes, play more Sudoku (as mind numbing as that can be). The second part to this is, I need to be more confident that I am right-that is, when I am right. =)