10 things i've learned from being a military spouse

1. learn to open you mind, but protect your heart

this can be true of any situation, but especially in the military. you are going to encounter so many different people, from different backgrounds, different lifestyles, different parts of the world, different races, religions, with all different thoughts on life. if you believe that your way is the only way, you will be very lonely. 

however, there i a time to know the right people to open your heart up to, and not everyone is that person. military families have a way of opening up faster, and giving away a lot, quickly. it's part of the process. make friends fast. you only have a few years, at most with them. just be careful you chose wisely. 

2. things can always be harder. 

and they will be. for you. for others. and usually when you least expect it. we've had multiple deployments,  lost family members while we lived far away, have been separated from our families and each other, and yet, the hardest thing for me so far has been this weird work schedule he is on. he is here, but barely. cora only sees daddy on weekends, and bella for a few minutes before bed. we are living like a deployment, but not really. 

3. goodbyes will not be the hardest thing you have to do. 

when i was a kid, i would cry every time i left my grandparents house. i hated goodbyes. now, we say goodbye, what seems like daily. i've gotten good at it. it's not goodbye. it's see you later. and when people are constantly coming and going, saying hello can be much, much more difficult. 

4. home is not the same for everyone.

as much as we move around, "where are you from" can be a tricky question. and even then, the place you were born may not be home. while we call charlotte home, hawaii really feels like home. we spent our first 4 years of marriage there. bought our first home there. got duke, "got" bella, and pretty much started everything there. 

5. you (and those other spouses) are stronger than you ever thought.

don't count people out. that neighbor who seems to not have anything together, is probably holding it together a lot more than you think. there are days where i look disheveled and may or may not be fully appropriately clothed. occasionally, i look like i am about to fall apart at the seams, however, things are going pretty well aside from a sleepless night here or there (oh, who am i kidding, every night is sleepless). we military spouses go through a lot. we are asked a lot of, without little actual input. we sacrifice a lot, we put up with a lot, and we learn how to keep everyone fed and together on top of it all. 

6. not everyone loves this life, just as not everyone hates it. 

i hate hearing, "that must be so hard" or "you poor thing". don't pity me. i knew what i was getting in to. and i love it. this life suits us just fine. but i also know that the military life is not for everyone. the constant upheaval, no say in where you go or when you go there, no roots. it's not a life for every one. 

7. "family" will become a very complex word.

some of our friends are as close as our blood family. and some closer. we have met people who are completely estranged from their actual families and who have adopted themselves into other families. holidays are spent with whoever is around and you live life together. it all gets very extended. 

8. forget your pride when it comes to having nice things. the movers will just break them anyway.

for our wedding, i registered for 2 sets of nice dishes. in our very first move, just weeks later, several pieces broke from each set, leaving us with a bunch of random dishes. most of our stuff is ikea, refurbished or built by joel, because we have seen some real doozies when the furniture comes off the truck. so we try not to get too attached to anything. or spend too much money on anything.  

9. sometimes it's fun to take the road less traveled. until you realize you aren't the only one who has done this before and there is a reason this road is less traveled. 

whether it comes to shipping an animal, using a certain mover, taking a certain driving route or living in a certain area, there is usually a reason when you find out no one is using that company, or doing things that way. sure, sometimes the road less traveled offers a brighter view. and sometimes, it's a one way road along side a sheer cliff, with cars going in both directions. (that happened) 

10. expect the unexpected. 

because there is nothing else to expect. people always ask, "where are you going next"? and we never ever know. not really. we found out very late we were coming to germany, and even then, weren't 100% cleared until like, 3 weeks beforehand. things get dicey when you try to plan too much, too far in advance. 

today is "be nice to me because my husband is awesome" day.

last month was month of the military child. 

military children go through a lot. and they didn't ask for it. they switch schools every few years, have to make new friends and don't have one house they can say was their childhood home. kids are flexible and seem to absorb the change most of the time, but it can't be easy. bella is 17 months and i can only imagine how hard it must be for her to rationalize why daddy is gone for long periods of time. 

a lot is uncertain in the life of a military child. our job as her parents, who brought her into this situation, is to provide her with the only stability that we can, building on a strong foundation of love and faith. being faithful to God, being faithful to each other, and being faithful to love and guide our children in appropriate ways. obviously, this can be said for any family, but it's especially pertinent to military families. 

i love my military child, who handles things better than i do sometimes. (and sometimes she screams all night long because she misses her daddy.) 

today is military spouse appreciation day. 

being a military spouse is an honor and a privilege. i know that sounds weird-i did choose to be married to someone in the military. i don't mean that is was something bestowed upon me, but i get a lot of recognition for my husbands job. much of which i don't feel i deserve. he is the one helping people effected by disasters. he is the one deploying to dangerous areas. he is the one sacrificing his time, his body, his family, his leisure. but i feel so proud to say, "my husband is in the military". he makes me proud. 

i don't always like what he has to do. but he serves. he protects. he does it willingly. better yet, he does it happily. he diligently does his job and goes wherever he is sent. he is strong and brave and is overflowing with courage. he chose this life. and he chose me to live it with him. i feel honored that he wanted me beside him. 

not everyone is cut out to be a military spouse. it's hard. it's trying. you move a lot. there are no roots. you're far from anything familiar, most of the time. it's a test of your relationship and of your spirit. some people seem to kind of fall into this lifestyle and they resist it, to the detriment of their family. other embrace it, and stand strongly behind their spouse. 

i have been so blessed to be among this amazing group of people. military spouses are like no other. we become family very quickly. we celebrate marriages, births, buying homes, selling homes, holidays, birthdays, and everything in between with each other. often, we are far from home and our blood families, and we rely on the kindness and sympathy of almost complete strangers. we forge bonds that are not easily broken. most of the people i consider life long, best friends are military spouses. they hold your hand, they've got your back, and they even send their kids over to mow the grass. we are godparents to their children and they are second families for ours. i feel so fortunate to say that i literally have friends all over the globe.

today, i recognize the amazing men and women who selflessly support their military spouse, both here and abroad. thank you for your friendship. thank you for your love. thank you for your bravery. you make this life easier and so much more fun. 

1% of Americans may be fighting our wars, 

but we need 100% of Americans to be supporting
 our troops and their families. 

Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden are asking 
Americans to get involved in any way they can. 

Find out more about Joining Forces to support military families.

letter to a celebrity. or in this case, a "not quite" celebrity.

i have been really busy the last month with moving, travelling and simply not having any internet connection, and so i have been absent. i have neglected my beloved blog. sometimes i felt bad about it. sometimes? notsomuch. because the truth is, even if we hadn't been moving and travelling, i probably still wouldn't have had much time to write. bella is 11 months old and is into EVERYTHING. she has been walking for about 2 months now, and she has gotten pretty good at it. which means now, i don't get to sit down. because she leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes. and it usually consists of things that are hazardous to her health.

now that we are settled, what better way to make my comeback, than to participate in mama kat's writers workshop? so here, for your reading pleasure is my "open letter to a celebrity":

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dear football wives "stars":

ok, i know you aren't truly celebrity. the only thing you have done that makes you famous is marry an athlete. and then get a reality show. but in our mixed up, backwards world, that apparently constitutes as hard work and is deemed worthy of our attention. i don't get it. but i get sucked in.

i don't actually watch your show. because it kind of makes me sick that we glorify your existence. i don't like the real housewives either, but they are so dumb and drama-centric that it kind of makes me feel good about my life. but i digress. i was a victim of bella changing the channels again, and it landed on your show.

three of you ladies were sitting in pedicure chairs, having your nails done, and talking about how even though you like what your husbands do (aka, you like that you get to spend seemingly limitless amount of money and live in a big nice house, while your nanny raises your kids and your maids keep your palace livable), you fear every moment that he steps on the field because he "puts his life on the line everyday".

spoiled-rich-woman-with-too-much-time-and-not-enough-responsibility say WHAT?!

honey, let me tell you something. MY husband (along with the husbands and wives of most of my friends) puts his life on the line. so that you can make asinine comments like that one. so that you can live in your fancy house, and spend your fancy money. so that you can sit in that chair, and get that pedicure, by some woman who probably gave up a lot so she could scrub your calloused feet, which got that way, not by walking long distances in combat boots, but by treading around the mall in too-high heels, carrying too heavy shopping bags.

let me get one thing straight. i am not upset by the fact that you are complaining that you worry about your husbands physical health. or that you are afraid he might get seriously injured. i think that is a sentiment shared by every wife in the world. and i don't mean to make light of your pain. not being around your husband as much as you would like, sucks. but my sympathy does not extend much past that.

but let me shed some light on your comment. your husband risks his body for the sake of a game. for entertainment. my husband (and the other people of service like him) risks his life for the sake of the people of this country. he sacrifices holidays, weekends, dinners with the family and seeing milestones in his children's lives for the sake of national security. and he is not compensated nearly as well.

do you have a right to complain? absolutely. and people like my husband gave their lives so you could have it.

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my tirade is done.