Wednesday, January 7, 2009

questions unanswered and some storm clouds. but no fear.

this one is going to be short, and another won't follow for a week or so. my grandma is coming to visit me on saturday-which i am SO excited for-and i will be happily entertaining her for the week.

we are about 2-3 months from finding out our next station and 6-7 months from moving. the time seems to be flying by, and i am getting a little anxious over where we will be living next. will we be overseas or on the mainland? will we be at a large base or a small base? not that i
care-i am willing to go anywhere! but knowledge seems to be so comforting! i am reminded of the verse from philippians 4-“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. when i pray for guidance, i feel like a child, asking "why"; like my questions are so meaningless in the grand scheme of things-why is the grass green, why is the sky blue. i ask for clarity on where we will go next, why i am being brought through certain things right now, why i have to wait for certain things and i know that, when all is said and done, there is a purpose in everything i am going through. i know that when i am on the other side, i will turn and praise God for his provisions rather than ask why, but in the midst of the storm i can't help but wonder if there is a silver lining. i know what you are thinking-why so bleak when it is just over a station? well the simplest (and most vague) answer is-it's not. =) i am not ready to publicize that yet, but i know i am in the midst of a storm, and i am coming to a place where i am embracing it.

i personally love rain. the darker the clouds the better. living in hawaii, there aren't many big thunderstorms, but when they come i cherish every moment. i don't know why-i have for as long as i can remember. that being said-i don't really get too excited when i have a metaphorical storm in my life. but this time i am choosing to praise Him in the storm rather than fight it. that doesn't mean i am all together happy about my circumstances, but i am not going to allow that to control me. i know that in all things
God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. and i believe there is a purpose-no matter how tempted i am to think otherwise.

ok so maybe not short-i shouldn't put those disclaimers on anything i write i guess.

one more thing to update-
joel and i have recently been "church shopping" and have stumbled upon a place called imago dei. it is different (in a good way) but we are going to go a few more times before we settle anywhere. even though we only have a short time before we leave, we feel like it is important for us to find a place that fosters growth. we loved our old church, but we felt that we were beginning to become stagnant, and needed a little change. more to come on how that pans out.

overall-please pray for strength, understanding and peace for us over the next couple of months. here's to new adventures!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

My husband and I had an argument this morning. Something silly about why wine should be stored on it's side. I couldn't tell him exactly why (I remember now it's to keep the cork wet, of course), but I knew that I was right. His argument was that they take up too much space on our counter top and we could just as easily keep them on top of the fridge (another thing I knew you shouldn't do-heat and vibrations spoil it, but for some reason couldn't articulate). I knew simply this-keep them on their side, in a cool dark place. I couldn't give him the exact reasons-I knew I knew the reason but couldn't retrieve it right away for the sake of the argument. Anyway, thanks to the internet, we quickly resolved that issue.

Now, I know this is an incredibly minor argument. One that, on any other day, would have fallen under the radar. But today isn't any other day-it's the beginning of the new year. The day that resolutions are made (and surely not broken, until at least next month!). It started me thinking about this year, and other arguments I have had where I know that I am right but can't quite retrieve the information substantiating my point. I like to say it's the Mad Cow (a little Boston Legal humor...).

My point is, it happens a lot that, just because I am not an expert on certain information, I don't feel like I can back up my argument properly and my rhetoric becomes "I don't know why, I just know I'm right". That is a terrible way to win a fight, especially against some of the hard-nosed men in my life (which takes me down this whole other path of women are just as smart, sometimes more so, than men-but I'll save that for another time). I can very specifically remember 5 times in which I got into this battle of the minds where I was 100% right and the other guy was 100% wrong, but because I didn't have hard evidence (or a computer) to back me up, they said I couldn't possibly be right.

Not being one to back down from an argument, I think this year I may resolve to work out my brain a little more-retain information, read more, do those little Brain Age things, take some classes, play more Sudoku (as mind numbing as that can be). The second part to this is, I need to be more confident that I am right-that is, when I am right. =)