Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Things motherhood has taught me

Motherhood has taught me more than a few things about myself. 

1. I am terrible at laundry.

For instance, Bella hasn't worn her leotard to gymnastics for 3 weeks now because I couldn't find it. (I didn't really look, but that's beside the point) Today I found it in the bottom of her laundry basket. 

Nearly everything she has has a stain on it somewhere. I feel like I should buy stock in a stain remover. I sit at the washing machine, painstakingly spraying, scrubbing and soaking her clothes. I spend more time removing stains from her clothes than I do from Cora's diapers. By the way, dry erase marker? Does. Not. Wash. Out. 

There must be some kind of conspiracy with craft manufacturers and Resolve. 

2. I can function on 3 broken hours of sleep a night. For about 3 nights. At that point I may or may not function like a drunk person. Or a zombie. I appologize to anyone I have made a promise to after a 3 night bender. Or tried to bite. I can not be held responsible for anything I have done when under those kinds of circumstances.

3. I am much less judgey and more understanding with each passing year. When I was pregnant with Bella, I saw a lady in Walmart (this isn't starting out well.....) yelling at her 5ish year old. I thought, "I will never.....oh I just love my baby too much to ever yell!" 

At the ripe old age of 3, Bella has made me eat my words more often than not. "GITYOURBUTTOVERHERE." Is a very common phrase in my day to day. 

I really am pretty laid back as a parent, but when she is running off through the parking lot while I am cleaning poop from behind Cora's ears, I am not messing around. I yell because I love. Seriously. 

4. If I thought Caillou was the most annoying show for kids, Caillou in Spanish is that much more annoying. His voice is awful enough when I can understand him. Netflix needs a "delete this show forever and burn in effigy" option. Caillou, Barney and that stupid show with one eyed monster (hello, inappropriate much?!) would be n the chopping block, for sure. 

5. The most mundane things in life have become so wonderful. Like silence. And slightly warmer than room temperature food. Also, floors that have nothing on them. And rooms I can't smell before I get to them. It's the little things in life. 

And finally, the more children you have, the faster they grow. I'm pretty sure Cora was born yesterday (according to the fluffiness that is still residing around my mid section), yet somehow she is able to terrorize her sister and cause all kinds of grief to little people and train cars. 

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