Monday, December 3, 2012

feeding my baby bird.

cora took her first bottle today. enthusiastically.

i may have cried a little.

bella didn't really take a bottle. ever. she was exclusively nursed for 14 months. i nursed on demand, and bella thoroughly enjoyed nursing. and so did i. 

there were some drawbacks, of course.  i could never really be away from her for too long. on my birthday, we drove down to disney, and my mom came and stayed with her at our hotel so we could have some fun. we came back, and mom had fed her 6 oz of pumped milk. through a straw. 

so when i had a bit of an over supply and started pumping, getting 5+ ounces off one side, after a feeding, i was really afraid that all that beautiful milk was just going to go to waste. but bella nursed like a fiend, 20 minutes on each side, every 2-3 hours, consistently. cora nurses like a little bird. 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there, on and off all day long, then sleeping almost 6 hours at night, then another 4-5. bella never took a pacifier. cora is destined to be a thumb sucker if we don't have one handy at all times (and my theory is that it's easier to throw away all the paci's than chop off all her fingers. and more humane.). so tonight, i thought, what the heck, let's try her out. if she takes it, i get a break AND we get to use the liquid gold floating around in the freezer. win and win. 

so i warmed up a bottle, gave it to joel and went to do the dishes. when i came back, the bottle was done. 

chug-a-lug and ol' girl was milk drunk and passed out. 

i thought i would be elated. in my head, i was. mostly. 

but my heart hurt, just a little, too. like the one thing only i could provide for my child, was no longer my sole responsibility. and also, my excuse for sitting down and having a messy house was out the door. 

there is something about nursing that is so magical, and i didn't fully realize it until cora wasn't fully dependent upon me to be the one feeding her. 

she will still be nursed 99% of the time. so really, my feelings are a little dramatic (which i am not lacking in, lately). but i can't help but feel a little disappointed that she accepted it so freely. 

and now i have no excuse to sit around all day while joel does all the work around here........

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