today is a weird day.
i'm sure you've all heard that some of america's bravest killed one of the words biggest coward. one shot to the head.
i think a moment is deserved for all those who lost their lives and loved ones on 9/11 and for the men and women who have fought and died valiantly, leaving behind babies and lovers and mothers and fathers, in the pursuit of this evil man.
i woke up this morning and checked my news app on my phone. the top headline had my jaw dropping to the ground. i don't watch much tv, so my only source of news is that app and facebook. i know, that's way lame, but i am so disconnected with reality.
my first thought was elation. this man hunt was finally over! it's over! we're done! YES!!! i finished the article, put down my phone and sat with bella as she watched mickey mouse (the only thing we do watch on tv. that and handy manny).
and then i had another thought. and that one was not so great. i was scared. leading up to this deployment, fear has not really been in my mind. i was bummed we would be apart-i would miss him, bella would miss him. i hated that we would not get to celebrate our anniversary, the holidays, my birthday, bella's birthday. i was anxious-it seems to take forever for them to leave, which means that's just longer until they come home. but fear didn't really cross my mind. not for me and not for him. we know a lot of people who have deployed and come back safely, and i thought things were settling a little. it didn't seem so unstable.
and then, we killed the queen bee. and the reality of what is to come seemed to hit home. heightened safety alerts, anticipated threats of retaliation. these words are not comforting. i'm pretty sure they aren't meant to be.
obviously, the threat is not certain. we are anticipating them. meaning none have been made, none that we know of anyway. but it still scares me.
i read articles about the possible threats. dumb move. i seem to have a morbid curiosity sometimes and this is not a good time to indulge that.
i'm praying that we don't rest on our victory in the days and weeks following this. and i pray for the safety of everyone serving in the military. mostly, right now, i am asking for peace of mind.
i have not been posting much lately. i can't say i haven't had time to get on here. i just haven't made the time. it hasn't seemed as important as taking in moments that are happening. bella is busy, constantly. chasing her and keeping her entertained has become more time consuming than ever. and also more rewarding.
and joel being gone has pretty much consumed my thoughts. i can't talk about much, and that makes it harder, and i definitely can't write about it, except to say he's gone. and sometimes i don't even feel comfortable putting that out there (by the way, i have two giant, ferocious dogs who will eat you if you aren't supposed to be here. and i know combatives, just in case there are any bad guys reading this. i will cut you. ). my mom is staying with us while joel is gone, in part to help me, and in part so we can help her. and that makes things easier. at least i am not alone in a house with a toddler. i can already feel my brain turning to mush.
tonight, when you sit down to dinner with your family, and bless your food, take an extra moment to thank the people who fight to protect you every day, who are leaving families behind, who are sacrificing their lives for people they have never met. and before you say anything negative (especially on twitter or facebook) about our military, think about why you are able to say what you think. don't trivialize the sacrifice these men and women are making. they died so you can speak your mind. but a little respect wouldn't kill you either.
and i mean that in the nicest way possible.