Friday, January 11, 2013

my child is annoying.

i have an annoying child. i said it. 

i know this to be true because i often hear the voices in my head telling me so myself think, "man, my child is annoying." it's that calm, too.

i know at her core, she is sweet and cuddly and precious and a perfect little gift from the big man. but it's like that stupid tootsie pop many licks does it take? 

the world may never know. 

the problem, i'm sure, is me. somewhere, i have taught her what annoying looks like, and that it's all, "heck ya!" partyville fun. or maybe (more likely) it's her daddy's fault. but wherever it came from, it needs to pack it's sassy bags and get the heck out of dodge, because it is no longer welcome here.

on a serious note, dang! she is obnoxious. 

and i lay on the bed, looking at my sweet little 2 month old (2 MONTH OLD!?!?) and think about how bella used to be this tiny. this innocent. this purely perfectly perfect. 

and now she is evil.**

ok. that's a bit dramatic. but let me take you on a journey. a journey you will praise God you are not a part of. (unless you have a three year old, then you are most certainly on this journey with me.)

it all started when she turned 3 really. it's like, one day, her little world was too little for her. she decided that no longer would she stand for all this bossing around and being told what to do. oh no! that would not work. she was in charge. miss smarty britches, with her panties in a bunch. 

it started with insistence. she needed what she wanted and it had to be NOW! her favorite demand? a "schnack" which she demands as though i am in some sort of servitude. 

"momma, GET me a schnack!"

and she preys on the weak. 

the black death hit our house hard and i lost my voice. so the little demon on her shoulder tells her it would be a real funny thing for her to choose today to run around screaming. each time i try to tell her to knock it off, she screams. i open my mouth to whisper at her (because, that's all i got...) and she screams. so i smack the table. she screams. at this point, i can feel the tears welling up. have you ever been waterboarded by a toddler? it's kind of like that. 


and if i dare put her into her room, she now throws things at the door. and screams. she screams that blood curdling scream that only a future horror film actress can manage. it literally makes my vision go blurry, which, in this case, i guess it's good that she is secured behind that door.....

and nursing an infant? such a sweet display of affection has no place in the presence of the mighty mistress. she will just come over and pour an entire bag of grits over your shoulder. it happened. on my new chair. 

but there is hope! "don't despair!" i tell myself over and over again. she will go to sleep. and then it's all over. for 12 hours. until it all begins again. 

**disclaimer: i do not, in fact, believe my child is evil. or possessed. sometimes. but not really. just....i hope....i mean.....sometimes it get's ugly around here. but she is most certainly NOT a terrorist. and she is not making me say this. and i think she should rule the world. 

but seriously. she's not evil. look at that face.

cora is clearly not convinced.......

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