i know these "sentimental letters to my child each month" are getting old. i think so too. i mean, each month i have to accept the fact that my child is one. month. older.
so, i will spare you. because i am in denial.
last night, in the tub, she stood up for a full 20 seconds. she was all, "look ma! no hands!" and i was all, "that's nice honey. now sit down before you
make me cry hurt yourself."
i have this huge internal struggle going on. part of me wants to jump up and down and scream and yell and be all excited and proud of her. BUT the other part of me knows that once it starts, it doesn't stop....she will be walking tomorrow and running the next day and any semblance of a normal life i thought i had will be out the door because i will be chasing her around 24-7. she already crawls in her sleep, so what if she starts sleep walking!?
my mom has all these pictures all over her house of the baby at every stage of her life. which, while somewhat sweet, is a little creepy. i mean, if she wasn't bella's yaya it would be creepy. they are everywhere. i even had one under my pillow. it's like a "house of cards", but with pictures.
anyway, the reason i mention my moms obsession, er....love, is because i don't even recognize that baby anymore. that 3 week old baby seems so far away. i feel like at each stage of her life, she is "so big!", she is "so grown up!", and it seems like "the best age!". and then she ages a month. and our whole world changes, again.
here is where i brag a bit, because as much as i want to deny her growing up, it's one of life's certainties (and you thought the only 2 were death and taxes? oh you were wrong my friend. there are lots. like, "a mommies coffee will cool faster than anyone else's". it's true. but i digress).
-she stands, on her own, for up to 20 seconds (yet still not long enough for mommy to grab her camera and snap a pic. working on that).
-she feeds herself finger foods, including chunks of banana, chunks of mango, pasta noodles and her favorites, puffs and mum mums. as a matter of fact, she has very little patience for anything she CAN'T feed to herself.
-she says yaya, dada, mama, and baba, and i SWEAR yesterday she said "i fall down". it might really have been "yayoayow" but i heard what i heard, ok?
-she fights sleep like a pro. and when i come into her room to help calm her, she is sitting in the middle of her crib, head thrown back, tears streaming down her face. it kinda breaks my heart. i just want to scoop her up and hold her as tightly as i can. most of the time, i do.
enter, sappy letter to my child.
bella, bibba, bibsy, poo face, puff pastry,
mommy calls you all kinds of silly things now. you have such a huge personality that one name cannot encompass it all. you are so silly, and are full of energy and life. it makes me tired sometimes, but i am so blissfully happy with the little person you are. sometimes, i look at you and i don't see a baby anymore. i see a toddler. a child. you have long arms and long legs, you aren't as awkward as you used to be. you go from standing to sitting to crawling and back to standing with the finesse of someone who has been doing it forever.
i hope that this personality stays with you forever, and i promise to do my best to foster it. you smile at everyone, you are determined, you are focused. you know your mind and are not easily deterred. you are playful and silly, and cannot sit still. i hope you fight for happiness just as hard as you do against sleep (though i hope the sleep fighting ends soon....).
and you LOVE to be thrown into the air and swung all around. the higher the better. it elicits squeals of delight followed by giggles so hard you can't breathe. and. i . loveit. i can't get enough of that giggle, in fact.
i love you my little diva queen extraordinaire. i can't wait to see what the next month brings.