Tuesday, August 24, 2010

the good ol' days

you know, the ones where i could lay my baby down and she wouldn't go anywhere? i could lay her in the middle of the bed and go pee, because she couldn't roll over, or wiggle her way off. i could put her on a blanket on the ground and clean up while she "played" which meant "stared up at the ceiling fan". or even the days where i could put her in the excersaucer and it would entertain her for more than 30 seconds.

bella at 11 weeks. her first trip to disney and meeting her yaya

honestly, we didn't have many days where she was immobile. the kid was rolling over both ways by 3 months, sitting up on her own and army crawling at 4 months, crawling on her knees by 5 months and has been walking along furniture since 6 months. so, when i say i miss the good ol days, those were like 2 months and younger. but boy were they great. i remembered thinking to myself, "this really isn't so hard" and " what's all the fuss about?". and boy did i eat my words. i hate when that happens.

today, bella took a "stutter step" as i like to call it. i'm not going to say this was her first step. it wasn't. i'm pretty sure it was an accident, actually. she was standing up and started to fall towards me, so she put her foot out then swung her other one in front of it, and then grabbed my hands. it was like a controlled fall, more than real steps.
bella at 8 months standing and playing

but it just stands to remind me that walking is our next "milestone" and it scares the pants off of me. it means that soon, she will be talking. then going to school. then having friends SHE chooses. then talking back (which, really will, in all likeliness, start long before any of those other things). and that's when the real parenting starts. where her actions will be accountable. to me! where, when she gets in trouble, people will say, "i blame the parents" rather than, "oh it's just a phase".

my fear is that i'm not really ready for that. up until this point, i have never really doubted my ability to be a mommy. up until this point, i am proud of the decisions i have made regarding her health and well being. i don't leave her in hot cars. i don't let her put forks in light sockets. although i did catch her once chewing on the end of my computer cord. ok, that wasn't my finest moment, but i did take it away from her, so that counts for something, right?

yes. all this anxiety over an accidental, not-really-a-step, step.

i wonder what will happen when she goes to school?

1 comment:

MrsStockham said...

you'll cry....then smile and know in your heart you really did the best you knew how with what you had to work with and she'll smile coming out of the school when she sees you and tell you all about her first day at school...and how much she loves you and that she's excited to go again...because you prepared her for it. =)